Master Mung Cleanse: By the Numbers

Like most things in life, putting numbers into a graphical form makes them better. Hey! Stop! Come back here! Really, it's true. And it's interesting. Check it out.

Calories consumed during the kichadi fast compared to calories burned due to basal metabolism.

As you can see, the kichadi fast was very effective in moderating my food intake, restricting my caloric intake to what is probably dangerous levels. From these numbers, I would have burned ~8800 calories more than I consumed during that week. This equates to approximately 2.5 lbs.

And yet, no weight loss? Or rather, only 0.5 lb of weight loss?

This leads to the question, is there an explanation for this discrepancy, or I am just full of shit? To answer this, I turn to the awesome power of graphs.

Excitement level and death wish with progression of the kichadi fast. Additionally, days since the last bowel movement (BM) are indicated.

There are a few major conclusions to be drawn from this graph. First, I do not like kichadi and mung. I do not like them, Sam-I-Sung. Second, over time I recognized that the pain of starvation was far preferable to the pain of eating kichadi. And thirdly, kichadi, as prepared, most definitely did not lead to more frequent pooing. As you can see, by the end of the competition, it had been 4 days since my last deposit.

In actuality, it turns out that the answer to the question posed above is both: there is an explanation, that being I *was* full of shit!

As such, any failure to lose weight can be attributed to this side-effect, and potentially to differences in water weight between our infrequent weight measurements.

Kichadi works. Believe in kichadi. You will lose weight. But you will also cry. Trust me. :(

On an important note, I would like to thank the Story Master for her support through this past week of pain. The kichadi fast had many upsides, including a great test of willpower, and a chance to examine my food-related desires in a more critical way.

I would even recommend it as a viable diet option for those with strong willpower and a large surplus of tissue paper (for crying, not pooing, obviously!).

...

Random boring (non-graphical) numbers:

Calories per cup of basmati rice (pre-cooking volumes): 600
Calories per cup of mung beans: 220
Calories per tablespoon of olive oil: 130
My basal metabolic rate: 2200 calories/day

200: This is Sparta!

I am close... so close to being less than 200 pounds for the first time in a long time. At some point between leaving university and the entering the working world, I my weight crossed into the 200+ zone, and I have never gone back.

As it stands right now, I am a little over half a pound over this threshold. Since Thinspiration XXL began, it seemed like a demonstration of Zeno's Paradox. I've gradually get closer and closer... but the ultimate goal remains elusive. Royal Pinguo has been kicking my ass to reach this goal. (Kicking my ass out of love, I'm sure.) To be so close to achieving my goal, and not to make it would be shameful and heartbreaking. The Wii Fit tells me that I'm still overweight, but thankfully well out of the obese range.

In the week ahead, I will face the weight-watcher's ultimate test. The Burlington RibFest! I must control myself in the heartland of gluttony. How terrible this is... I just want to binge eat those delicious ribs. But my goal is so close at hand. What to do? What to do?

Is it really harder for women to lose weight?

Before

After

Yes, it is.

Master Mung Cleanse: Mung Out to Dry, Day 7

Day 7: Tuesday

So long, kichadi!

Comments: The final day of kichadi. I started the day with a bland and flavorless meal of kichadi, forcing myself to stomach a whole meal in one sitting. I weighed in. And then I almost immediately began stuffing my face with cookies. Dinner was healthier, but decidedly delicious.

My goals: 1) To poo. I failed. Again. 2) To use the spices in kichadi to make something tasty, but not so rich that my poor digestive system will make me regret it for days.

Food choice: (Before weigh-in) Kichadi. (After weigh-in) Cookies; potato curry (recipe below); cheddar garden salad.

Total kichadi prepared: 1 cup of rice (pre-cooking measurements); 0.5 cup of mung bean

Total Kichadi eaten: 100%

Beverage choices: Many glasses of water, Master Cleanse (minus maple syrup).

General feelings about life post kichadi meal: Jubilant. This is almost over!

Excitement level regarding eating kichadi (0-10; 0 = revolted, 10 = too much Botox): 1

Likelihood that I would rather starve than eat kichadi (0-10; 0 = never, 10 = kill me now): 8

Side-effects of meal: Mild dizziness; dehydration; failure to poo

Days without pooing: 4

Food related dreams or fantasies: Not eating kichadi was the only dream I entertained, and it came true.

Occurrences of note: Still no bowel movements. After 4 days!

Weight before kichadi diet: 166.4 lbs
Weight after kichadi diet: 165.9 lbs

Conclusions (more to follow in a subsequent post): The diet appears not to have been very successful on a numerical level. However, the constipation endured as part of the kichadi fast likely factors into this equation. Anecdotally, numerous individuals with no ties to one another have informed me that I look like I've lost a noticeable amount of weight in the last few days. Stay tuned for the next weigh-in!

....

"Kichadi recovery" Potato curry (very mild):
Makes 4 servings
Calories/serving: ~550

Ingredients:

- 2 tbsp cumin
- 2 tbsp tumeric
- 2 tbsp ground coriander
- 1 tbsp mustard seeds
- 4 tbsp olive oil (tastier alternative: ghee)
- 1 jalapeno, finely diced (alternative: 1 tbsp cayenne)
- 6 medium sized white potatoes, peeled and cut into strips or cubes ~0.5 inch thick
- 3 cups water (tastier alternative: vegetable stock)
- 1 cup coconut milk (healthier alternative: low fat plain yogurt)
- 2 cups frozen peas
- salt to taste

Preparation:

Saute dry spices and jalapeno on medium heat in oil until spices brown (~1-2 minutes).
Add potatoes and mix thoroughly to cover with spices.
Cook ~10 minutes with frequent mixing.
Add water and simmer over low-medium heat until potatoes are soft (~30 minutes).
Add peas and coconut milk and heat until cooked (~5 minutes).

*Adapted from similar recipe listed on Allrecipes.com.

Challenge #2 conclusion: diets don't work

Based on our scientific study, Challenge #2: Money to Burn, diets do not produce exciting results for possible anorexics. Just look at those weigh-in results!

My Liquid Diet-cum-SlimFast 3-2-1 Plan would have been more effective if I had actually stuck with it consistently. I found myself in restaurants where they served delicious food in large portions, and I could not safely carry leftovers while riding my bike, so I carried it in the safest place possible (pats belly). Yet, my weight did not fluctuate as wildly as usual in between weigh-ins, and I attribute this to the predictable caloric intake of my diet.

While the meal replacement shakes make me look like a dieting idiot at work, but I am won over by its convenience. I did not have to rummage through the fridge each morning to combine tofu/chick peas/egg with whatever vegetable mix was in the freezer. The meal replacement shakes are also quick and easy to consume. It helps that I can drink chocolate meal replacement shakes day after day without gagging.

I will continue my Challenge #2 diet until the meal replacement shakes run out, and then maybe I'll buy some more. With the finale of Thinspiration XXL looming, I will need every gimmick that I can use.

Fatty Weigh-in: Week 9

Competitor	Current Weight	Tally	Total
celestialspeedster	120 lbs	- 0 lb	- 9 lbs ( - 7.0%)
Doctor Cook	166 lbs	- 0 lb	- 14 lbs ( - 7.8%)
Flocons	201 lbs	- 2 lbs	- 11 lbs ( - 5.2%)
Opiate	175 lbs	- 0 lb	- 8 lbs ( - 4.4%)
Royal Pinguo	137 lbs	- 5 lbs	- 7 lbs ( - 4.9%)
Thorn	168 lbs	- 0 lb	- 8 lbs ( - 4.5%)

Special K Everything & Then Some Day 7 (Wednesday)

Through my entire life "Wednesday" is one of those nonsensically arranged words I've just never been able to spell. When writing, I scribble. When typing, I mash the keyboard and hope for spell-check to do it's job.

Marathon Status Update:
Weather: Sunday forecast in Montreal is a high of 17c (good!!) but with 40% humidity (not good!!).

Re-experiencing cycling through the humidity this week has left me feeling ill and squishy. Precisely the kind of weather I hate. It saps any energy from my muscles and air from the lungs, leaves me feeling like I've got lead weights bolted to my skin, and my mind a hazy mess more so than a typical day.

When I'm hallucinating around 25-30k on Sunday, I'll be sure to say hi to FISH for everyone.

Survival Outlook: BLEAK. Unless the weather changes. I can stubbornly muddle through a lot of things but running 42km in 40% or more humidity is like kryptonite.

Breakfast:

• Special K in skim milk (regular 1 1/4 cup serving)
• OJ 200ml
• 2 special k bars
• apple buttermilk muffin with blackberry jam
  

Lunch:

• sandwich (standard build, bacon instead of salami this time)
• tangerine/peach in syrup mix
• green tea
• OJ 200ml

Dinner:

• meat ravioli with my weird tomato sauce
• steamed veggies
• OJ
  
• bacon
  

Exercise:

• 16km cycling
• too damn humid to do anything else
  

Master Mung Cleanse: Mung and dung, Day 6

Day 6: Tuesday


Comments: The second last day of kichadi. I feel terrible. The kichadi of the day is slightly too old. It is starting to smell. This should deter me from eating it for lunch. Yet it doesn't. Slightly expired kichadi has a unique flavor that I find myself unable to resist. That and I'm starving. At dinner, it is too expired, and I refrain from eating.

My goal: To poo. I failed.

Food choice: Day old microwaved kichadi, with mung beans. Slightly expired by lunch. Very expired by dinner.

Total old slightly expired kichadi remaining: ~1 cup of rice (pre-cooking measurements); 0.5 cup of mung bean

Total Kichadi eaten: 50%

Beverage choices: Many glasses of water, Indian Spice herbal tea, Master Cleanse scares me today.

General feelings about life post meals: Optimistic. It will be over soon.

Excitement level regarding eating kichadi (0-10; 0 = revolted, 10 = too much Botox): 4 (lunch); 0 (dinner)

Likelihood that I would rather starve than eat kichadi (0-10; 0 = never, 10 = kill me now): 6 (lunch); 10 (dinner)

Side-effects of meal: Mild headache; terrible digestive issues; failure to poo

Days without pooing: 3

Food related dreams or fantasies: Continued perusal of the internet for delicious recipes. I crave indian food, though indian food that is delicious. Potato curry may be prepared on Wednesday, for consumption at 12:01am Thursday. Otherwise, nothing too unusual.

Occurrences of note: Still no bowel movements. However, I woke numerous times in the night feeling like "this was the time". It was always a lie.

Lessons to children: 1) Refridgerate food overnight. 2) Kichadi fasts are for grown-ups. 3) Cigarettes may be smooth and delicious and make you feel super cool, but wait until you're at least 14 to sneak behind the school and smoke one that you found on your brothers desk between you and 8 friends.

Special K Diet: Kelloggs vs. Kashi vs. Chicken Wings

I spent this past weekend preparing for my friend's wedding in Niagara region. Weekends are a tough time to follow diets because we are social and busy. Diets depend on routines, and only the most boring people have a regular routine for their weekends.

I ate terribly (or terribly well in some cases) this weekend. During this fiasco, I was able to finally try Special K bars. In fact, Royal Pinguo and I were stuffing our face with 2 bars each, in between doing wedding-related tasks. Given the choice between eating 10 Kashi crackers or one Special K bar (both 90 calories) I would choose the Special K bar hands down. For a far comparison, I would have to compare Kashi bars with Special K bars, but I haven't bought any Kashi bars yet.

The wedding was beautiful. The meal was Western-style. Normally, I go to Chinese weddings where they serve a filling 10 course meal. This was a sensible 4-course meal of light but high quality food. Phew! Since Royal Pinguo and I were the wedding MC's, we didn't eat as much as we could. We were saddened by this, but at least it was good for Thinspiration XXL.

On the flip side, we spent Monday shopping in the States. We took some time to visit the birthplace of Buffalo chicken wings. It's called The Anchor Bar on 1047 Main St. It was a small place tucked in the middle of nowhere. From these humble beginnings came the coveted pub food that has ruined the diets and figures of many. We sat down and ordered 100 wings. (That is not a typo... 100 wings.) That was shared between 5 people... with the intent on having leftovers. It was neat gone to the Anchor Bar, since it played such a pivotal role in pub food history. The actual chicken wings were nothing special, as I've had better wings elsewhere. I was tempted to go nuts and stuff my face with wings... but I stopped after 12 wings. Thinspiration XXL has taught me about portion control. We now have some leftover wings sitting in our fridge... slowly waiting to be eaten.

Saturday: (Wedding preparation and planning)

• Special K
• MilK
• Toast and jam
• Scrambled eggs
• Beef with pancaKe
• Shredded potato and vinegar
• Steamed porK bun
• Green bean with noodle
• Special K (again)
• MilK
• Nectarines

Sunday: (On the road, and at the wedding)

• Tim Hortons breaKfast sandwich (eww)
• BlacK tea
• Bagel with creme cheese
• Kashi cracKers
• Special K bar
• PumpKin soup
  
• SmoKed salmon appetizer
• Salmon and steak
• Strawberry cheesecaKe
• Lots of wine
  

Monday: (Cross-border shopping)

• PancaKes
• Scrambled eggs
• Sausage
• Iced tea
• ChicKen wings
• Diet CoKe
• Special K
• MilK

Weekend K-count: KKKKK KKKKK KKKKK KKKK

Special Everything Diet Day 6 (Tuesday)

I bought a coconut. Sobey's has them on sale for $1 each right now so I figure I'll try my hand at crackin' the bugger open and see if I'm successful without destroying my counter top or setting off a small thermonuclear milk explosion. Coconuts are healthy right?

Last night I visited the ex. She cut my hair for me so I don't run with a mop on my head come Sunday.

With the visit came the inevitable: BBQ'd Ribs and booze. When asked if I was hungry my rubber arm was tied in a knot. These ribs are an effective Holy Hand Grenade to any diet plan, and I thought I'd made progress working off the weekend's binge. Right.

We drank, we noshed. Her father dropped by in time for the ribs, got to play catch-up, drank some more, then her new beau came home and we had some laughs. Drank some more. Played with the dog. Drank some more.

All through this I learned a very valuable lesson:

That Coke Zero, no matter how attractive I find the models... is terrible in a drink.

My stomach is a churning disaster this morning and I lay the blame solely at the feet of the Coca-Cola company for this truly terrible concoction.

Breakfast:

• 2 bananas
• 1 special k bar
• 1 home made apple buttermilk muffin slathered in home made blackberry jam
• coffee with skim milk and sugar
• orange juice 200ml
  

Lunch:

• 2nd half of jalapeno sub
• orange juice 200ml

Snacks:

• 1 special K bar

Dinner:

• rum and coke
• rum and coke
• rum and coke
• rum and coke
• BBQ ribs
• rum and coke
• rum and coke
• rum and coke

Exercise:

• 24.5km cycling
  

Special Subway Everything : Day 5 (Monday)

I broke down, not due to any desire or urge, but time and hunger duress. I ate Subway, well half a Subway sub, the other is reserved for lunch on Day 6. I really am starting to hate Subway, not the mediocre food so much as the service. Lacking any form of I don't know....service.

The customer is always right?? When? It's sad that we live in a society where the customer always gets treated like crap unless they complain. Things like this happen all over the place, not just at Subway, no wonder I brown bag lunch as much as possible.

I ordered a sub, which you know has "toppings" on it. When the staff behind the counter only put on a few meagre pieces of peppers, onions and jalapeno....that just irks me so I asked politely for a bit more.

When someone orders something the length of their arm it's generally good to put more than 5 pathetic jalapeno or green pepper slivers on it. FIVE!!! I asked for more, got glares of hatred and malice, and smiled back all the while as they loaded it up, cut my super-stuffed footlong, I paid and left. Munched happily on the excess jalapenos especially after the sub exploded in happy spiciness on my desk.

They overloaded it on the jalapeno to the point they could barely wrap it, maybe hoping to punish my stomach for my insolence and were belligerent to me through the rest of the transaction. Little do they know...

It occurred to me how Jared may have lost all that weight: he likely never asked for more of a topping because the staff were rude, made him feel bad (or at least tried to) and glared at him like he was a freak.

Breakfast:

• special k with skim milk (only a normal serving this time)
• 2 special k bars
• green tea

Lunch:

• half of a footlong jalapeno sub that had some other stuff on it too, on a whole grain bun
  
• orange juice 200ml
  

Dinner:

• orange juice
• Bolthouse Farms Green Goodness (about 300ml)
• 2 bananas
• tangerine and peaches in light syrup
  

Exercise:

• 22km biking
• 1 hour dragon boat practice
  

Survey results: If their plane crashed in the Andes (or was delayed on the tarmac), the competitor left standing and uncomfortably full would be...

• celestialspeedster - 1 vote (11%)
• Doctor Cook - 2 votes (22%)
• Flocons - 3 votes (33%)
• Opiate - 1 vote (11%)
• Royal Pinguo - 1 vote (11%)
• Thorn - 1 vote (11%)

Master Mung Cleanse: Enter the Mungon, Days 3-5

Day 3: Saturday

Comments: My third day of kichadi. My last day without mung beans. I am excited for mung beans.

My goal: Just one more day!

Food choice: Fresh kichadi

Total Kichadi prepared: ~2 cup of rice (pre-cooking measurements).

Total Kichadi eaten: 75%

Beverage choices: Many glasses of water

General feelings about life post meals: Optimistic that tomorrow will be better.

Excitement level regarding eating kichadi (0-10; 0 = revolted, 10 = too much Botox): 3

Likelihood that I would rather starve than eat kichadi (0-10; 0 = never, 10 = kill me now): 5

Side-effects of meal: Fatigue; mild headache; poor digestion

Food related dreams or fantasies: Stared longingly at raw spaghetti. Picked up a piece and held it, wishing I could eat it, as is, knowing it to be far more delicious than kichadi.

Occurrences of note: Party at the house with wine, chips, and appetizers. I partook in none of these.

Day 4: Sunday

Kichadi fantasies

Comments: My first day of mung beans! My excitement was misplaced. Spent the afternoon with Thorn, celestialspeedster, and an outside observer, Jon.

My goal: Not to pass out.

Food choice: Day old kichadi, fried with mung beans.

Total Kichadi prepared: ~0.5 cup of rice (pre-cooking measurements); 0.25 cup of mung bean

Total Kichadi eaten: 100%

Beverage choices: Many glasses of water, Master Cleanse in sparkling water (minus cayenne and maple syrup)

General feelings about life post meals: Depressed and fearful.

Excitement level regarding eating kichadi (0-10; 0 = revolted, 10 = too much Botox): 1

Likelihood that I would rather starve than eat kichadi (0-10; 0 = never, 10 = kill me now): 8

Side-effects of meal: Fatigue; mild headache; dizziness; inability to poo

Food related dreams or fantasies: Cannibalism. Or at least theft of the food of my competitors. If their hands were eaten as well, that would be okay.

Occurrences of note: Became so tired and dizzy that I needed to go home to eat more kichadi. By the time I got home, the idea of kichadi was so repugnant that I abstained from eating more.

Day 5: Monday
Comments: More than halfway through this diet and I feel awful!

My goal: I'm too tired for goals.

Food choice: Fresh kichadi, with mung beans

Total Kichadi prepared: ~2 cup of rice (pre-cooking measurements); 1 cup of mung bean

Total Kichadi eaten: 50%

Beverage choices: Many glasses of water, Indian Spice herbal tea

General feelings about life post meals: Moderately depressed.

Excitement level regarding eating kichadi (0-10; 0 = revolted, 10 = too much Botox): 2

Likelihood that I would rather starve than eat kichadi (0-10; 0 = never, 10 = kill me now): 7

Side-effects of meal: Fatigue; mild headache; dizziness; inability to poo

Days without pooing: 2

Food related dreams or fantasies: Tempted by enticing smell at work. Commented on how delicious it smelled. It was yeast extract, which normally turns my stomach. Again eyed raw spaghetti longingly.

Occurrences of note: Nothing of note. Inability to poo is becoming slightly worrying. This seems to counter predictions of kichadi.

Canadian National Exhibition: destroyer of diets

Thorn and I attended the Canadian National Exhibition on Saturday and while we did no succumb to the deep fried butter, we did consume the following:

• breakfast mac and cheese with egg and sausage from the Mac and Cheesery (unfortunately, the mac & cheese was soft and tasteless)
• buffalo burger (excellent, as usual)
  
• poutine
• Maple Butter BeaverTail

We also bought some short bread cookies from Sprucewood Handmade Cookie Co after sampling them. We enjoyed Rosemary and Dark Chocolate, but bought Spicy Thai and Raspberry. They will be coming to a Thinspiration XXL showdown soon!

At no point did I have a meal replacement shake. In fact, I did try to bring a bottle of meal replacement with me, but Thorn gave me a dirty look so I put it back in the fridge.

The madness continued on Sunday, when we attended BuskerFest and ate delicious pub food in front of Doctor Cook, who died a little inside as he squeezed his lemon into his fizzy water. That evening, we ate dinner with Jon Levy at The Acme Burger Company. The burgers were fresh and tasted like real meat, but were otherwise unspectacular.

I am back to the Slim-Fast 3-2-1 Plan today:

• 3 Snacks: Banana, apple, peach
• 2 Meal Replacements: Life Brand Complete Meal Replacement Shake - Chocolate flavour
• 1 Balanced Meal: Scrambled eggs with cucumbers, string beans, green peppers and rice.

Special K Diet Days 3 and 4: Weekend at Calorie Hill

Where to even begin.... It all started with a Sapporo.

As always weekends blur into a mesh of random events one leading into another and it never really makes any sense as it's happening.

Saturday started at 3:30am-ish, not long after I went to bed after watching 3 crazy movies in a row. My sisters dog, love the furball but he decided to wake me up to go outside, doing his doggie business and play fetch in the dark. Then repeated it at around 8am.

Finally woke up proper around 11-something-er-other-ish to the order of "get ready we're leaving" ...um okay. Barely time to brush my teeth.

Arrival around 1pm-ish (still hazy): instant meetings with parents, family we'd not seen since this same event last year, new family I hadn't met before from BC, Manitoba and other parts of Ontario.... as all this is happening the Sapporo was opened and quickly followed by the first of many Keith's. All downhill from here trying to remember all these names.

Also discovered I have a cousin that works in the video game development industry, had a geek-out moment.

There was some chips and cheesies but beer as breakfast had to basically carry the day for a little while. We put a nice dent in the 24 of Keith's as the day wore on into night and the mosquitoes found us.

Though after so many Keith's it was refreshing when my cousin (also a beer snob) hands me a bottle of Edelweiss.... rough day eh?

Breakfast:

• 1 Sapporo 650ml
• several bottles Keith's IPA
• handful of potato chips
• handful of cheesies
• fresh air
  

Lunch and Dinner, one blended into the other, it just sort of never stopped:

• 2 cups Bacardi Lemon with pink lemonade
  
• more Keith's
• 1 bottle Edelweiss
• BBQ pork
• BBQ beef
• peanut cashew noodle salad stuff
• greek salad
• other salads of some kind
• other loads of heavy meal stuff I don't recall the names of but was all awesome
  
• cocktail shrimp and seafood sauce
• grapes
• watermelon
• pineapple
  
• strawberries
• potato salad
• more Keith's
• more chips
• more cheesies
• small coffee cake deserts
• small chocolate cake deserts
• small coconut deserts
• more Keith's
• 4 chocolate cupcakes
• caramel chocolate crunchy bark stuff (FANTASTIC!!!)
• and I'm sure there's more I'm simply forgetting, there was a lot!

Exercise:

• swimming
• keeping up with the kids
  
• 3 person game of horseshoes I lost with a meagre single point to my name
• walking around and mingling all day talking constantly, think I blab a lot? You haven't met the clan.

...and that was just Saturday

Sunday:

• Tim Horton's everything bagel with tomato and swiss
  
• 2 bottles orange juice
• cheeseburger topped with tomato onion lettuce mustard
• black bean (veggie) burger with the same but no cheese
• 1 bottle Keith's
• grapes
  
• raspberries
• strawberries
• olives
  
• pickles
  

Back home:

• special K bar
• bowl of PC whole grain Cheerios knock off (which actually tastes better!) in skim milk
• not so much fresh air
  

Special K Diet, Day 2: Enter the Kashi

Kashi is a new line of food products aimed at those who want to eat healthy and natural. They have issued the following challenge:

"Try a free box of Kashi Granola Bars. If you don't like them, I will eat the cardboard box they come in."

They also add this disclaimer in fine print:

"Laurie promises to eat a piece of the box, not the whole thing. His conviction is stronger than his stomach. "

Well, Kashi products are not an official part of the Special K Diet, but if I ate Kashi cracKers then it would add two K's to my daily K-count. I gave them a try today and they do taste good. They are 90 calories per 10 crackers. The crackers are small though. Coincidentally, a standard Special K cereal bar is also 90 calories. I will have to decide in the days ahead if I would rather eat a Special K cereal bar or 10 Kashi TLC crackers. In the end, I may choose neither.

I applaud Kelloggs and Kashi for trying to make healthier products and giving consumers a better choice of options... but I don't think cereal bars and crackers can complete with fresh fruits and vegetables. I find myself wishing that karrots and nektarines are not actually typos. I weighed myself today and I'm losing a bit of weight since my last weigh-in. Some progress thanks to the letter K.

Breakfast:

• Special K
• 1% milK (lactose-free)
• Scrambled eggs
• Toast and jam

Lunch:

• PorK and leeK dumplings
• Rice
• Shrimp
• Vegetables

Snack:

• Kashi TLC cracKers
  
• Karrots?
• NeKtarines?
• Special K (again)
• 1% MilK (again)
  

Dinner:

• JerK chicKen
• Rice

Daily K-count: KKKKKKKKKK

Master Mung Cleanse: Fear and Loathing (of Kichadi) in Toronto, Day 2

Day 2: Friday

Comments: My second day of kichadi. Cold, day old kichadi is the devil.

My goal: To survive.

Food choice: Cold, day old, soggy kichadi (breakfast and lunch), fresh kichadi (dinner).

Total old soggy Kichadi remaining: ~0.5 cup of rice (pre-cooking measurements).

Total Kichadi prepared: ~1 cup of rice (pre-cooking measurements).

Total Kichadi eaten: 100%

Beverage choices: 1 glass of Master Cleanse, minus the maple syrup; very few glasses of water.


General feelings about life post meals: Mildly depressed.

Excitement level regarding eating kichadi (0-10; 0 = revolted, 10 = too much Botox): 2

Likelihood that I would rather starve than eat kichadi (0-10; 0 = never, 10 = kill me now): 6

Side-effects of meal: Gagging and near vomitting (cold kichadi), fear and loathing of cold day old kichadi, severe hunger during hours spent delaying eating kichadi, uncomfortable fullness after dinner, due to need to eliminate any chance of leftover cold day old soggy kichadi.

Food related dreams or fantasies: Tremendous desire to eat anything that isn't kichadi and lie about it afterwards. While preparing kichadi, strong desire to accidentally add considerably more salt. Again, impulses to drop kichadi on the ground and eat it.

Occurrences of note: Friends offered me cake. Roommates cooked bacon while I was preparing kichadi. Coworker offered me watermelon. Repeatedly offered drinks at house party. Strangely, the overall feeling by the end of the night was very positive.

I should have done the Slim-Fast 3-2-1 Plan

The Liquid Diet was not one of my better ideas. My math tells me that I'm taking in the right amount of calories, but after consuming nothing but liquid for the past 24 hours plus, I'm feeling lightheaded, yet dense at the same time.

Case in point, yesterday, when I was trying to meet up with Thorn, the conversation went like this:
Thorn: "We'll probably arrive at the apartment at 6pm."
Me: "So, I'll meet you at 7pm."
Thorn: "No, I said 6pm."
Me: "6:15pm then?"

It is time to resort to the Slim-Fast 3-2-1 Plan: 3 snacks, 2 meal replacement shakes, and 1 sensible meal. I like the "sensible" part of this strategy!

Breakfast:

• Milk with Chocolate Ovaltine (2 cups)

Lunch:

• Life Brand Complete Chocolate Meal Replacement Shake (1 bottle)

Snacks:

• Fruit Punch (300 ml)
• Kashi Bar (1 bar)
  
• Japanese rice cakes (pack of 2)

Dinner:

• Some vegetables and starch - no meat as per my weekday vegetarian diet

I have not been so eager to eat solid food since I did the Kichadi fast. Thank goodness I'm not doing that! Haha!

Special K and Everything: Day Two (Friday)

I like Special K, but the 1 1/4 cup serving size is almost embarrassing though I can see that being feasible for people with different dietary requirements and lifestyles. Like Flocons I as always was also hungry very soon afterward even with the overdosed helping.

The bars are yummy too, but also not very filling, at 90 calories each I'm not expecting them to be but last night when packing my lunch for today I had to catch myself and stay my hand from simply throwing the remaining 8 bars from both boxes into my pack. I'd have eaten all of them by mid-morning.

I'm in trouble now, will be staying with family this weekend so healthy eating and portion control are both out the window no matter how hard I try.

Breakfast:

• Special K and skim milk (about 2-3 servings worth, small bowls are for dipping sauces not cereal)
  
• 1 Special K bar, vanilla
  
• 1 cup of coffee, skim milk and sugar
  
• 1 21g snacker size of Kraft Brick cheese
  

Lunch:

• Sandwich (same as yesterday but with more hot sauce and tomatoes)
  
• corn cob
  
• OJ 200ml
  
• 1 Special K bar, mocha
  

Snack:

• 1 granny smith apple

Dinner (arrival at the home of family):

• 1 HUGE ass steak, grilled with some mesquite seasoning
• fettuccine alfredo with broccoli
  
• grilled potatoes and peas
  
• Bick's low salt pickles
• olives stuffed with jalapenos
• 70% dark chocolate
• rye and ginger
• Pelee Island red wine

Exercise:
NONE. I took the subway to work, then the train down to visit family. Sat in a car being picked up at the train station, and after dinner watched 3 movies: Kick Ass, Don't Mess with the Zohan and The Book of Eli.

All in all I spent an inordinate amount of time sitting on my ass.

I didn't even get into the Liberte blackberry yogurt and PC Chocolate ice cream we'd grabbed on the way home. Too bad, those are yummy.

Special K Diet: Day 1

The Special K is filling initially, but as the morning wears on, I get hungry. Maybe that's why it's only PART of a balanced breakfast. I'll probably supplement it with something else as the week goes on. It was a tricky process to find food items that contain the letter K, but I was able to find 2 food products that had double K's in them. For those of you that question my logic of basing my diet on an alphabetical theme... well, you are not alone.

Thinspiration XXL has been a good development for me. In the past few weeks, people have been going up to me and telling me that I look like I've lost weight. This is quite the ego-boost and good positive re-enforcement of some of the healthy changes I've been making. On the flip side, in the past 2 weeks I've had people telling me that I look like I'm starting to gain my weight back again. My performance in the past 2 weeks has not been great. I made the long trek down to 201 pounds... but I started climbing back up to 203... and apparently those 2 pounds are noticeable.

Breakfast:

• Special K
• 1% milK

Lunch:

• ChicKen teriyaKi and sushi lunch
• Water

Snack:

• Carrots
• Rice caKe

Dinner:

• JerK chicKen
• Rice
• Corn
• Water
• Half a mango

Today's K-count: KKKKKKK

Master Mung Cleanse: Food & feelings, Day 1

Day 0: Wednesday night


Comments: My last meal before kichadi.

My goal: To indulge.

Food choice: Vegetarian burger with fries from a nearby Firkin pub.

Beverage choice: Pint of Richards White, with a slice of orange.
Second beverage choice: Pint of Richards White, also with a slice of orange.
...
Sixth beverage choice: Oh, you get the point.

General feelings about life post meal: Overwhelmingly happy.

Excitement level regarding eating kichadi (0-10; 0 = revolted, 10 = too much Botox): 10

Side-effects of meal: Slurred speech, slight nausea, poor decision making ability, and terrible headache 8 hrs later.

Food related dreams or fantasies: Dreams of hamburgers. Again. Seriously.

Occurrences of note: Fueled by non-kichadi, I found the energy to sing in public and harrass strangers for hours.

Day 1: Thursday


Comments: My first day of kichadi. It smelled delicious. Smells can be deceiving.

My goal: To destroy the Thinspiration competition.

Food choice: Kichadi. Kichadi. And more kichadi. That is all.

Total Kichadi prepared: ~2 cups of rice (pre-cooking measurements).
Total Kichadi eaten: ~75% of prepared amount.

Beverage choices: 1 glass of Master Cleanse, minus the maple syrup; many glasses of water.

General feelings about life post meals: It could always be worse.

Excitement level regarding eating kichadi (0-10; 0 = revolted, 10 = too much Botox): 3
Likelihood that I would rather starve than eat kichadi (0-10; 0 = never, 10 = kill me now): 4

Side-effects of meal: Headache (see day 0), more frequent pooing and spitting, more keen senses, particularly as relates to how delicious other people's food must be, loss of overall appetite.

Food related dreams or fantasies: Strong desire to go for a run, if only so that I can lick the sweat off my arm while I eat, thus seasoning the terribly bland kichadi. Additionally, impulse to drop kichadi on the ground and eat it, hoping that the ground will have more flavour than kichadi.

Occurrences of note: Roommates offered me fried chicken in the morning. Friends offered me ice cream cake in the afternoon. I cried on the inside.

Challenge # 2 Day One

Breakfast:

• banana
  
• nature valley fruit and nut bar
  
• special k bar vanilla
  
• V8 low sodium 156ml (1 serving of veggie here!)
  
• PBJ (1/2 tbsp of each, reduced fat PB and home made blackberry jam) on 1 slice of bread (Dempster's Ancient Grains)
  
• Orange juice 200ml
  
• Green tea
  

Lunch:

• sandwich: whole grain flatbread bun, 2 slices salami, 3 thin slivers of old cheddar, hefty amounts of fresh tomato, onion and romaine lettuce with a dash of hot sauce.
  
• corn cob
  
• Orange juice 200ml
  
• V8 low sodium 156ml

Snacks (pre- & post-dragon boat practice):

• 1 tbsp garlic hummas (just polished off the tub)
  
• 2 Flash 5 bars
  
• 1 granny smith apple
• 1 glass Orange juice

Dinner:

• 3 slices cajun chicken pizza at the Sunnyside Cafe
  
• pint of Keith's White (did not eat the orange slice for some reason)

Exercise:

• 22km cycling
  
• 1 hour dragon boat practice

So it begins....I didn't wake up with enough time to have a bowl of Special K for breakfast so the bars had to suffice. The sandwich was my standard meat/cheese/veggie build but I lessened up on the meat and cheese, doubled up on the vegetation and passed on the mayo and mustard.

Challenge #2: Thursday food log

Breakfast

• So Good Chocolate Soy Milk (1 cup)
• 1% Dairy Milk (1 cup)

Lunch

• Life Brand Complete Chocolate Meal Replacement Shake (1 bottle)

Dinner:

• East African Split Pea with Sweet Potato Soup (1 bowl) from Fresh
• Apple Pie Smoothie - apple, ginger, banana, lemon, cinnamon (16 oz) from Fresh
• Miso Soup (1 cup)
• Chocolate ice cream (1 cup)

I have rarely heard the call of nature as often as I did today, and I miss chewing, already. Unexpectedly, I seem to have trouble focusing and making logical decisions. On the plus side, meals take no time at all because options are limited to the appetizer menu and they go down easy.

Fatty Weigh-in: Week 8

Competitor	Current Weight	Tally	Total
celestialspeedster	120 lbs	- 0 lb	- 9 lbs ( - 7.0%)
Doctor Cook	166 lbs	- 6 lbs	- 14 lbs ( - 7.8%)
Flocons	203 lbs	- 0 lb	- 9 lbs ( - 4.2%)
Opiate	175 lbs	- 5 lbs	- 8 lbs ( - 4.4%)
Royal Pinguo	??? lbs	? lbs	- 2 lbs ( - 1.4%)
Thorn	168 lbs	+ 1 lb	- 8 lbs ( - 4.5%)

Challenge #2 diet strategy: Special K Diet

Voro cerealis amplus. I'm going back to my roots by choosing the Special K Challenge. Special K has always been marketed as "the weight loss cereal" but I'm not sure if that's nutritional fact or clever marketing.

Now as much as I'd like to eat cereal for a whole week, I don't believe this is a feasible diet. So I will eat Special K for breakfast for a whole week, then I will try to eat at least one food item that contains the letter K during each of the other meals. Things off the top of my head include:

• Kiwi fruit
• Key lime pie
• Krispy Kreme donuts
• Rice Krispies squares
• Black Angus beef

Challenge #2 diet strategy: The Liquid Diet

Current practice: weekday vegetarian surviving on 1300 calories a day
After taking up the challenge of going meat-free for a week, I have been a weekday vegetarian for the past two years. I can only vouch for the safety of animals on weekdays because I enjoy eating meat too much.

Diet plan of choice: The Liquid Diet
In an attempt to curry favour through direct marketing, I am targeting the one voter who wanted to put meal replacement shakes to the test by making his/her dream come true. Hopefully, s/he will make my dream come true and sponsor me.

For Challenge #2, I will consume nothing but liquids for nutritional sustenance. My diet will include the aforementioned meal replacement shakes, but may also include soup, beer, and foods that liquefy with the use of heat or a blender. On that last note, it is highly likely that I will become a vegetarian for the duration of the challenge to avoid liquefied meat.

Diet strategy advantage: My jaw muscles may atrophy due to lack of chewing and atrophied muscles weigh less.

Challenge #2 diet strategy: Nothing is True, Everything is Permitted

In the words of a great man...er...robot I'm boned!!

Right off, as noted in a previous post life itself is aiding and abetting my competitors and I simply have to adapt as best I can.

The marathon being barely 10 days from the start of the challenge, any major diet shift at this point is incredibly unwise. I think it might be fun to actually survive the event I've tried to train for all year with a moderate degree of success. Yes, it would be.

Then there's the family bbq right smack in the middle of this challenge...yay.

Diet Plan of Choice:
Everything. Literally I'm not kidding. Using a blend of Special K, Jared's Subway madness, portion control as best as possible and a simple replacement method to swap out my slightly unhealthier eats with healthier ones. Much of which I've already done so since the start of the competition so I have very little wiggle room, once again I'm boned.

Special K cereal, bars and skim milk already acquired to replace my (not much) heavier nibbles and whopping 1% milk. Rather than Subway itself I will be making my own healthier sandwiches to have better control of the fat, salt and sugar content in these meals. Hopefully I'll be able to make something palatable.

The bbq, well that will break my back here or at least pop the buttons off my pants I'm sure.

Final chorus, sing it with me!! I'm boned!!!

Challenge #2 diet strategy: Master Mung Cleanse

Diet plan of choice: Combination of Master Cleanse (lemon water) and an Ayurvedic diet consisting solely of Kichadi (basmati rice, mung beans, spices)

Allowed solid food:

Kichadi:

• 2 cups basmati rice
• 1 cup split mung (beans called mung dal in Indian grocery stores)*
• 8-12 cups water, depending on how liquid you want the kichadi
• 2 Tbsp. ghee (clarified butter) OR olive or sunflower oil
• 1 tsp. ground cumin
• 1 scant tsp. ground coriander seeds
• ½ tsp. turmeric powder
• 3-5 whole cardamom pods
• 1-2 tsp. powdered ginger
• A pinch of sea salt or kelp

*Mung omitted for the first 3 days

Allowed liquids: Water, herbal (caffeine free) tea, or lemon water

Master Cleanse lemon water:

• glass of water
• half a lemon
• pinch of cayenne
• [omitted] 2 tbsp Maple syrup

General instructions: You can eat or drink what you want, when you want, of the above food and liquids. However, no other food or drink is allowed. No alcohol. No caffeine.

Rationale behind challenge strategy: Eat food that encourages pooing and drink liquid that encourages vomiting. Both food and liquid are reportedly bland, or unpleasant, thereby encouraging anorexia. It's the perfect trifecta of weight-loss.

Feared potential side-effects: Fatigue, terrible caffeine headaches, vomiting, begging friends for a lunch-time "trade-sie", uncontrollable crying, and uncontrollable pooing(?).

...

As scary as this may be, however, I remind myself how much worse it could be. I could be the middle or the tail end of the human centipede. This movie may suit bulimics due to its propensity to induce vomiting.

Meat the Stars of Thinspiration XXL!

On Monday September 6th, you will have a chance to meet your favorite Thinspiration XXL competitor* IN PERSON at the Burlington RibFest! Since our blog is SO POPULAR, we have been invited (by ourselves) to make a special guest appearance at Canada's largest RibFest!

The stars of Thinspiration XXL will be available to sign autographs on paper or body parts of your choosing. We will also be accepting food donations (like ribs or blooming onions) for the "Victims of Whatever..." fund benefiting the victims of whatever**. Please give generously.

We look forward to meeting all our fans. See you at the Burlington RibFest!

*Unless your favorite competitor is Opiate. Due to contractual obligations, Opiate will be unable to attend the Burlington RibFest.

**Food donations may be consumed on the spot by the stars of Thinspiration XXL due to public health concerns preventing us from shipping perishable food products to the actual victims of whatever. Despite this, we encourage you to give generously.

Challenge #2: Money to Burn

Some Thinspiration XXL competitors have lost sight of the goal, and become mired in fatty, tasty foods. Thankfully, the commercial market is full of weight loss products to pour our money (and hopes and dreams) into.

Taking reader requests from the most recent survey into account, competitors will follow a commercial diet for one week. Readers will be able to track daily food logs from each of the competitors and, by the next weigh-in, learn which diets work...to induce the most whining and crying.

Competitors will outline their diet strategies before Thursday then execute their plan in the week leading up to the next weigh-in. Much finger wagging and scientific tom foolery to come.

Survey results: Which commercial strategy would you like Thinspiration XXL competitors to test out so you don't have to?

• Special K Challenge - 2 votes (33%)
• Meal replacement shakes and bars - 1 vote (16%)
• The Jared Subway Diet - 3 votes (50%)
• Something expensive like Weight Watchers - 0 votes (0%)

Fatty Weigh-in: Week 7

Competitor	Current Weight	Tally	Total
celestialspeedster	120 lbs	- 2 lbs	- 9 lbs ( - 7.0%)
Doctor Cook	172 lbs	+ 1 lb	- 8 lbs ( - 4.4%)
Flocons	203 lbs	+ 2 lbs	- 9 lbs ( - 4.2%)
Opiate	180 lbs	+ 2 lbs	- 3 lbs ( - 1.6%)
Royal Pinguo	142 lbs	+ 3 lbs	- 2 lbs ( - 1.4%)
Thorn	167 lbs	- 1 lb	- 9 lbs ( - 5.1%)

Masters of the Veggieverse

Vegetarians, embodied by the crafty, but militant and evil Skeletor, are in a constant war with society's Carnivores and Omnivores, embodied by the heroic, but perhaps not so bright He-Man. No one has ever liked Skeletor, but wow-wee, look how thin he is!

Many a friend or acquaintance over the years has endeavored to convince me of the rightness of vegetarianism, and the cruelty of eating animals whose entire lives are spent living in atrocious conditions.

PETA anti-meat propaganda. Not for the light of heart or the full of stomach.

I question how true their conclusions are of the "factory farming" industry in general, but PETA certainly does a good job of pointing out the worst cases.

Strangely, after watching this, while I definitely acknowledge that the video is appalling, I still find myself craving a hamburger or some chicken wings. My love of eating animals is incredibly powerful. To insulate my meat obsession from any potential "crazy" moral decision, I have built up an armada of reasons and strategies to keep eating meat, ranging from the realistic to the absurd. Here are some of them:

1. Avoid the issues. Don't look too hard, or you might find out something unappetizing. I still have never watched Super Size Me, just in case it turns me off of McDonald's.

2. PETA is simply trying to move a political agenda. Vegans and vegetarians are clearly insane. I mean, they don't eat meat! They are also possibly unbalanced, likely due to insufficient meat in their diets. How can I trust this information? I could investigate other sources, but that would violate rule #1.

3. Chickens can't fly. If I eat their vestigial wings, I'm just relieving them of any foolish notions of even trying. It's true that they are probably killed in the process of extracting their wings, but... well, it's time for rule #1.

4. I don't even like chickens. If they could eat us, they would. Worst of all, they go for the eyes.

5. Plants are also alive. They are just so different than us that no one cares what happens to them. Vegetarians look at pigs and cows and are reminded of themselves. I feel no such kinship. If plants had faces and could make noises resembling speech, particularly sensitive vegetarians would starve.

6. Humans are not genetically designed to be vegetarian. It requires much more work to maintain a balanced diet. And I am lazy. I don't want to die of malnutrition. Therefore, logically, something needs to die.
Movie, or appetizer? *looks hungrily at Babe

7. I will become a pariah among my friends if I stop eating meat. You don't win friends with salad, afterall. Not to mention, I will be in danger if I hesitate to resort to cannibalism (in dire situations, of course, not as an enjoyable past-time).

8. Bacon. Popcorn chicken. Steak, medium rare. Lamb. Goat roti. Mmmmmm...

9. The real reason: I love meat too much to stop eating it.

...

However, for the duration of this competition, I will adopt a half-ass meat-free diet (outside of occasions where it is unavoidable or my willpower is too weak). To be clear, this is not a moral stand, but a further strategy to lose weight. So please friends, do not disown me.

Note: I actually do respect vegetarians. I just love eating meat!

Sleep is overrated...

This weekend: 15k road race, through much of the same route taken during the "Burn to Binge" Challenge, looping from McLeary park out around the Tommy Thomson Lighthouse and back. Ribs and beer, possibly a curried roti and more beer afterward.

Next weekend: huge family BBQ that if last year is any indication I will be pigging out quite literally. It's a pig roast after all. An entire not-small pig slowly rotating for hours over a fire, likely stuffed with sausages and other meats to cook inside. With lots of beer, and yes someone ELSE will be driving. Whichever day the pig roast is not happening I'll be going for a very very very long run through the rural Niagara countryside.

Weekend after: MARATHON!! Oh Montreal, city of my heartbreak. I will destroy you or myself in the attempt. I fear not thine hills and winding roads, signs in two languages and smoked meat restaurants around every turn. I do fear my beer being warm when I get to the finish line. Must find my blue cooler bag and remember the ice packs.

Weekend after that: final Dragon Boat regatta of the season: GWN at Marilyn Bell Park. An all weekend affair that normally leads to a very tired, sore and hungover Monday.

In between on the Monday to Friday area of the calendar there is yoga classes, dragon boat practices, work, training runs I've finally started fitting in, literally cycling everywhere and life in general all keeping me moving. Oddly enough I have not been sleeping a whole lot all summer even as tired as I am from all of this.

Where this all fits in to Thinspiration XXL you may wonder?

I'm hungry. Constantly hungry. A stabbing gnawing hunger that won't go away. It's driving me nuts. I eat, quite a lot actually. But my body is demanding more. I lie down to bed and my stomach grumbles, loudly and with a sinister English accent (FISH's anonymous friend?) and I envision him wearing a black bowler hat carrying a walking stick. And it's NOT John Steed. I fear for my sanity and my yarbles.

Applying opposite tactics to that of Celestialspeedster and Doctor Cook I have placed a whole other level of duress upon my body in a rather short time frame causing my metabolism to respond in kind and as it rightfully should: demanding adequate fuel to burn in ever increasing amounts. It's loud, distracting and ever-present. I was expecting an increase in appetite, but I wasn't expecting a rampaging near-homicidal urge to devour everything in sight. As I make a desperate last-minute attempt to catch up on two months of lost training before Montreal, this feeling is increasing daily and even the "Summer Pig Roast of Gluttony" may not be enough to satiate the hat wearing phantasm.

Doctor Cook and I went for chicken wings this past weekend at an old favourite haunt: All-Star Wings in Markham. Between the two of us destroying an amount of heavily breaded, deep fried and sauce-drowned wings normally reserved for a group of 3-4 people washed down with a pitcher of Rickard's White. That's not the issue in and of itself. The issue is I was absolutely ravenous again less than two hours later.

Weigh in this week can go either way....we'll find out tomorrow.

Headed to the State Fair

Amongst its many culinary delicacies, the Wisconsin State Fair is enticing visitors with the Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger. That's a regular, artery clogging cheeseburger, but with a Krispy Kreme donut in place of a bun. Throw in an extra dollar and you get a side order of chocolate-covered bacon on a stick. (Flocons perks up)

It's a mere 1000 calories, which means that I can have a large glass of milk on the side and call it bupper (breakfast and supper combined).

Survey results: Thinspiration XXL competitors are probably suffering from...

• anorexia - 0 vote (0%)
• bulimia - 1 vote (16%)
• peer pressure - 2 votes (33%)
• Friend Induced by Starvation Hallucination (FISH) - 3 votes (50%)

Memoirs from a bake sale

I spent all of Saturday baking items loaded with sugar and butter. It was all for a good cause, but since I am participating in Thinspiration XXL, I felt a bit like a vegetarian working in a butcher shop. Surrounded by sweet treats for the last 2 days has not been easy. The plus side of it is that I have been desensitized to it all. While the average person may be lured in by the smell of freshly baked cookies, I am immune. (Much like how the inhabitants of Buffalo no longer notice that their city smells like a sewer.) With all the baking and selling, I experienced the strange paradox being surrounded by food, but starving because I couldn't eat it.

Since I have baking on my mind, I'll review what I made this weekend. The key to a good bake sale is variety. You want at least one item that someone will want to buy.

Rice Krispies Squares are really easy to make. It's low-hanging fruit in the world of bake sales. It doesn't have a stigma of being too unhealthy, because the main ingredient is cereal. However, people conveniently forget that the other ingredients are butter and marshmallows. In the world of bake sales, nothing is sinless. Every item has sugar and/or butter.

Chocolate chip cookies are standard issue. People buy them because these cookies are comfortable and familiar. These babies are full of sugar, butter, and chocolate... but in fairness, they don't pretend to be healthy. I can't say the same thing for the next type of cookies.

These are oatmeal raisin walnut cookies. These are aimed at the customers that want to eat healthy. These cookies are less honest than their chocolate chip counterparts. These guys are also full of sugar and butter. There's no such thing as a healthy cookie. (But you should still have "healthy items" for those who would believe that eating a Big Mac is okay as long as you drink Diet Coke with it.)

At the opposite end of the spectrum are brownies. Brownies are always good sellers at bake sales because they are aimed at the indulgent customers. They are unapologetic about their sweetness, and contain a stupid amount of sugar and chocolate. Brownies are very dense, and will contain more calories per bite than any other item at the bake sale.

Cupcakes are essential mini-cakes. Cupcakes use the same ingredients as regular cake, but instead of pouring it into a cake pan, you pour it into a muffin tray. In the "evolution of baked goods", muffins and cupcakes diverged into different branches. Muffins are loaded with butter, while cupcakes are loaded with sugar. There are more differences than that, but those are the only ones worth nothing for the purposes of Thinspiration XXL.

These particular cupcakes are dressed up like Super Mario green mushrooms, which I affectionately call "1-upcakes". In the context of the bake sale, this is an eye-catching conversation item that caters to customers who enjoy novelty and creativity. These items may not sell well because they are different, but they will generate buzz. Customers will come to see it, and end up buying other goods.

This is candy sushi. It's another novelty item that is quite creative but labour-intensive. Royal Pinguo helped me make these, and we had fun putting them together. The base is Rice Krispies square mix, topped with candy mango or gummy fish. The nori is fruit-by-the-foot or any long flat candy you can find. Candy sushi tastes like a bad mix of random candy, but it sells because of good presentation and visuals. The majority of sales were made to children. That is another type of customer you want to cater to.

A few months ago, I made chocolate-covered bacon for a bake sale. This item is in the "I dare you to eat this" category. It's sort of like the ultra-spicy chicken wing challenge at your local pub, or the giant steak that you have to finish in 3o minutes to get for free. These items do not sell well, but they may generate buzz and conversation for your bake sale.

Doctor Cook rose to the challenge and bought my chocolate-covered bacon. I appreciated his support, when others made snarky remarks like "I don't want to eat that because I don't want to die." I wonder if that chocolate-covered bacon is the reason why he is participating in Thinspiration XXL in the first place... So to Doctor Cook, I say both "thank you" and "I'm so sorry..."