Fatty would have come in second

Kansas State University nutrition professor, Mark Haub, has lost 26 pounds in 10 weeks with his Twinkie diet. Starting at 201 pounds, Haub lost 12.9% of his total weight. If he had competed in the original Thinspiration XXL competition, Haub would have come in second! Insert scientific conclusion here.

DD-Day

So...

Today is the day we Double Down. I'm still hesitant. Just thinking about it makes me feel an aneurysm coming on sending my arteries and kidneys cowering in fear.

Will our stomachs survive the gastrointestinal onslaught of sodium and fat in a tasty chicken package? Well, wait and see.

All I know is this:

It will probably need hot sauce.

A Haiku for the KFC Double Down

Two seasoned chickens.

The breaded deep-fried borders,

Of the Double Down.

Delicious bacon,

Thy crispy salty nature,

A pleasure of taste.

Melted pepper jack.

The cohesive cheese that binds,

Merging of flavour.

Sauce of mystery,

A rare treat for the senses.

The sandwich complete!

KFC: Double Down!

The KFC Double Down arrives in Canada today! Premium seasoned chicken, strips of delicious bacon, two slices of pepper jack cheese, and special sauce... The Thinspiration XXL team will be jogging to KFC on Thursday, then replenishing lost electrolytes with the infamous Double Down!

DOUBLE DOWN! DOUBLE DOWN!

Food Effigies and You

You are what you eat. Or so they say. I pray that this is not true, as my food effigy this week is not pretty. Note: Some food products were 'mooooo're prepared than depicted.

In light of my vow to indulge this week, I have done just that. The consequences have been dire.

1) I have forgone vegetarianism, with dire consequences to my digestive system. Who knew that a scant few weeks would be enough for my system to become completely inadequate at digesting meat?

2) I have forgone sobriety, with dire consequences to my bank account, my digestive system, and also to my liver. Shut up in there you. At least you can regenerate!

3) I have survived a complete day solely on a diet of peanut butter, with dire consequences to my digestive system. This has not been your week, has it large intestine?

4) I have nonetheless discovered that despite this week of binge eating, magically, I can fit into size 31 waist jeans instead of the size 34 parachute pants I was squeezing into earlier. I can even fit size 30, though with dire consequences to anyone who happens to look at me. Thank you Kate Moss for your thinspiration! Anorexia is king!

Killing me softly with your food...

An old friend invited Royal Pinguo and a few of our friends to a decadent dinner at their home. In our busy lives, it is a luxury to be able to sit down with friends and have a REAL meal together... A meal that we didn't order over a telephone or a fast food counter. This was a remarkable meal worth blogging about. Our hosts stayed up until 3am in the morning to prepare this dinner, and they spared no expense. Quite simply, it was the most delicious home-made dinner I've had in memory. It started with bruschetta and mini-quiches. I was told not to fill up on this because it was only a warm-up.

I saw the BBQ being fired up and several rib-eye steaks being grilled to perfection by the resident steak expert. Our gracious hosts advised us to fill up on the steak. If it wasn't enough then they would have "plain rice" as filler.

The "plain rice" was actually mushroom risotto, the host's signature dish. I never really knew why risotto was such a big deal until I had this dish. Our host also prepared steamed mussels for us.

Royal Pinguo and I had seconds and were very full. Then our hosts said "Wait, we also have dessert!" They brought out small ceramic cups and started sprinkling sugar over the contents... then they brought out the mini-torch, we realized that dessert was creme brulee!

Royal Pinguo and I shared one between us... our stomaches couldn't fit any more delicious food. At the end of the evening, we sat around the leftovers and talked until the early hours of the morning. I must thank our gracious hosts for putting together such a wonderful meal. It was truly a treat.

Epilogue:

Since this is the Thinspiration XXL blog, I have pondered the consequences of this meal. It meant that I gained 2 pounds this week. That was not good. Throughout these last 10 weeks, I've cut the junk food from my diet, and I believe I've done a good job on this. But what about amazing food? It's much easier to say no to fried chicken than to say no to a well cooked steak. In these cases, portion control seems like the best way to go. I don't think I did a good job of that in this particular case... Do I regret that? Not a chance. :)

What does 200 calories look like?

A complete visual depiction of 200 calories worth of various foods can be found here.

On a diet of roughly 1300 calories per day, I can choose from about six and a half of these items.

Possible menu du jour:

• 60 g of Corn Bran Cereal
• 333 ml of milk
• 3 eggs (150 g)
• 1425 g of celery
• half of a sesame seed bagel (70 g)
• 60 ml of Bailey's Irish Cream
• 25 g of Splenda

Le cry.

Special K Diet: Kelloggs vs. Kashi vs. Chicken Wings

I spent this past weekend preparing for my friend's wedding in Niagara region. Weekends are a tough time to follow diets because we are social and busy. Diets depend on routines, and only the most boring people have a regular routine for their weekends.

I ate terribly (or terribly well in some cases) this weekend. During this fiasco, I was able to finally try Special K bars. In fact, Royal Pinguo and I were stuffing our face with 2 bars each, in between doing wedding-related tasks. Given the choice between eating 10 Kashi crackers or one Special K bar (both 90 calories) I would choose the Special K bar hands down. For a far comparison, I would have to compare Kashi bars with Special K bars, but I haven't bought any Kashi bars yet.

The wedding was beautiful. The meal was Western-style. Normally, I go to Chinese weddings where they serve a filling 10 course meal. This was a sensible 4-course meal of light but high quality food. Phew! Since Royal Pinguo and I were the wedding MC's, we didn't eat as much as we could. We were saddened by this, but at least it was good for Thinspiration XXL.

On the flip side, we spent Monday shopping in the States. We took some time to visit the birthplace of Buffalo chicken wings. It's called The Anchor Bar on 1047 Main St. It was a small place tucked in the middle of nowhere. From these humble beginnings came the coveted pub food that has ruined the diets and figures of many. We sat down and ordered 100 wings. (That is not a typo... 100 wings.) That was shared between 5 people... with the intent on having leftovers. It was neat gone to the Anchor Bar, since it played such a pivotal role in pub food history. The actual chicken wings were nothing special, as I've had better wings elsewhere. I was tempted to go nuts and stuff my face with wings... but I stopped after 12 wings. Thinspiration XXL has taught me about portion control. We now have some leftover wings sitting in our fridge... slowly waiting to be eaten.

Saturday: (Wedding preparation and planning)

• Special K
• MilK
• Toast and jam
• Scrambled eggs
• Beef with pancaKe
• Shredded potato and vinegar
• Steamed porK bun
• Green bean with noodle
• Special K (again)
• MilK
• Nectarines

Sunday: (On the road, and at the wedding)

• Tim Hortons breaKfast sandwich (eww)
• BlacK tea
• Bagel with creme cheese
• Kashi cracKers
• Special K bar
• PumpKin soup
  
• SmoKed salmon appetizer
• Salmon and steak
• Strawberry cheesecaKe
• Lots of wine
  

Monday: (Cross-border shopping)

• PancaKes
• Scrambled eggs
• Sausage
• Iced tea
• ChicKen wings
• Diet CoKe
• Special K
• MilK

Weekend K-count: KKKKK KKKKK KKKKK KKKK

Canadian National Exhibition: destroyer of diets

Thorn and I attended the Canadian National Exhibition on Saturday and while we did no succumb to the deep fried butter, we did consume the following:

• breakfast mac and cheese with egg and sausage from the Mac and Cheesery (unfortunately, the mac & cheese was soft and tasteless)
• buffalo burger (excellent, as usual)
  
• poutine
• Maple Butter BeaverTail

We also bought some short bread cookies from Sprucewood Handmade Cookie Co after sampling them. We enjoyed Rosemary and Dark Chocolate, but bought Spicy Thai and Raspberry. They will be coming to a Thinspiration XXL showdown soon!

At no point did I have a meal replacement shake. In fact, I did try to bring a bottle of meal replacement with me, but Thorn gave me a dirty look so I put it back in the fridge.

The madness continued on Sunday, when we attended BuskerFest and ate delicious pub food in front of Doctor Cook, who died a little inside as he squeezed his lemon into his fizzy water. That evening, we ate dinner with Jon Levy at The Acme Burger Company. The burgers were fresh and tasted like real meat, but were otherwise unspectacular.

I am back to the Slim-Fast 3-2-1 Plan today:

• 3 Snacks: Banana, apple, peach
• 2 Meal Replacements: Life Brand Complete Meal Replacement Shake - Chocolate flavour
• 1 Balanced Meal: Scrambled eggs with cucumbers, string beans, green peppers and rice.

Meat the Stars of Thinspiration XXL!

On Monday September 6th, you will have a chance to meet your favorite Thinspiration XXL competitor* IN PERSON at the Burlington RibFest! Since our blog is SO POPULAR, we have been invited (by ourselves) to make a special guest appearance at Canada's largest RibFest!

The stars of Thinspiration XXL will be available to sign autographs on paper or body parts of your choosing. We will also be accepting food donations (like ribs or blooming onions) for the "Victims of Whatever..." fund benefiting the victims of whatever**. Please give generously.

We look forward to meeting all our fans. See you at the Burlington RibFest!

*Unless your favorite competitor is Opiate. Due to contractual obligations, Opiate will be unable to attend the Burlington RibFest.

**Food donations may be consumed on the spot by the stars of Thinspiration XXL due to public health concerns preventing us from shipping perishable food products to the actual victims of whatever. Despite this, we encourage you to give generously.

Headed to the State Fair

Amongst its many culinary delicacies, the Wisconsin State Fair is enticing visitors with the Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger. That's a regular, artery clogging cheeseburger, but with a Krispy Kreme donut in place of a bun. Throw in an extra dollar and you get a side order of chocolate-covered bacon on a stick. (Flocons perks up)

It's a mere 1000 calories, which means that I can have a large glass of milk on the side and call it bupper (breakfast and supper combined).

Memoirs from a bake sale

I spent all of Saturday baking items loaded with sugar and butter. It was all for a good cause, but since I am participating in Thinspiration XXL, I felt a bit like a vegetarian working in a butcher shop. Surrounded by sweet treats for the last 2 days has not been easy. The plus side of it is that I have been desensitized to it all. While the average person may be lured in by the smell of freshly baked cookies, I am immune. (Much like how the inhabitants of Buffalo no longer notice that their city smells like a sewer.) With all the baking and selling, I experienced the strange paradox being surrounded by food, but starving because I couldn't eat it.

Since I have baking on my mind, I'll review what I made this weekend. The key to a good bake sale is variety. You want at least one item that someone will want to buy.

Rice Krispies Squares are really easy to make. It's low-hanging fruit in the world of bake sales. It doesn't have a stigma of being too unhealthy, because the main ingredient is cereal. However, people conveniently forget that the other ingredients are butter and marshmallows. In the world of bake sales, nothing is sinless. Every item has sugar and/or butter.

Chocolate chip cookies are standard issue. People buy them because these cookies are comfortable and familiar. These babies are full of sugar, butter, and chocolate... but in fairness, they don't pretend to be healthy. I can't say the same thing for the next type of cookies.

These are oatmeal raisin walnut cookies. These are aimed at the customers that want to eat healthy. These cookies are less honest than their chocolate chip counterparts. These guys are also full of sugar and butter. There's no such thing as a healthy cookie. (But you should still have "healthy items" for those who would believe that eating a Big Mac is okay as long as you drink Diet Coke with it.)

At the opposite end of the spectrum are brownies. Brownies are always good sellers at bake sales because they are aimed at the indulgent customers. They are unapologetic about their sweetness, and contain a stupid amount of sugar and chocolate. Brownies are very dense, and will contain more calories per bite than any other item at the bake sale.

Cupcakes are essential mini-cakes. Cupcakes use the same ingredients as regular cake, but instead of pouring it into a cake pan, you pour it into a muffin tray. In the "evolution of baked goods", muffins and cupcakes diverged into different branches. Muffins are loaded with butter, while cupcakes are loaded with sugar. There are more differences than that, but those are the only ones worth nothing for the purposes of Thinspiration XXL.

These particular cupcakes are dressed up like Super Mario green mushrooms, which I affectionately call "1-upcakes". In the context of the bake sale, this is an eye-catching conversation item that caters to customers who enjoy novelty and creativity. These items may not sell well because they are different, but they will generate buzz. Customers will come to see it, and end up buying other goods.

This is candy sushi. It's another novelty item that is quite creative but labour-intensive. Royal Pinguo helped me make these, and we had fun putting them together. The base is Rice Krispies square mix, topped with candy mango or gummy fish. The nori is fruit-by-the-foot or any long flat candy you can find. Candy sushi tastes like a bad mix of random candy, but it sells because of good presentation and visuals. The majority of sales were made to children. That is another type of customer you want to cater to.

A few months ago, I made chocolate-covered bacon for a bake sale. This item is in the "I dare you to eat this" category. It's sort of like the ultra-spicy chicken wing challenge at your local pub, or the giant steak that you have to finish in 3o minutes to get for free. These items do not sell well, but they may generate buzz and conversation for your bake sale.

Doctor Cook rose to the challenge and bought my chocolate-covered bacon. I appreciated his support, when others made snarky remarks like "I don't want to eat that because I don't want to die." I wonder if that chocolate-covered bacon is the reason why he is participating in Thinspiration XXL in the first place... So to Doctor Cook, I say both "thank you" and "I'm so sorry..."

Fluffernutter Cakewich

I present to you the possible reason for a lackluster and reluctant weigh-in: the Fluffernutter Cakewich. That's marshmallow fluff, peanut butter, and angel food cake in place of the usual ingredient, white bread. This monstrosity was created with the help of a Cakewich mold.

Also on the menu that evening: jerk chicken, burgers, corn, roasted vegetables, bite-size cookie sandwiches filled with dulce de leche, and a chocolate cherry ganache pie. Plus, lots of beer. Unfortunately, there is no photographic evidence of any of the aforementioned foods thanks to a feeding frenzy.

I promise a better weigh-in result next week. No, really.

Make the healthy choice. Choose gravy.

Whenever I'm confronted with gravy, while my mouth salivates, my brain yells at me, "STOP! Gravy is bad for you!". However, is this really true? I found myself examining this belief after Friday night, where I and some friends partook in a banquet of beer and poutine.

Poutine: an anorexic's kryptonite

I think few would disagree that poutine, a French Canadien creation of fries, cheese curds, and gravy is bad for you. But if asked which of the 3 components is the worst, most would demonize gravy. This discrimination must stop! Examine exhibit A:

Exhibit A. Nutritional breakdown of poutine.

The gravy is clearly the winner in low calorie content. And this is with roughly equal portions of gravy, cheese curds, and french fries. Clearly these proportions are ludicrous. This isn't some sort of delicious poutine soup, afterall.

Now, a person might note the amount of sodium and shout, "AHA! The salt content will kill you! Gravy is indeed unhealthy!" To address this, I present exhibit B:

Exhibit B. Comparison of gravy and salad dressing. Calories (left) and nutritional information (right) for 100 grams (~6 tbsps) of the various foods. Salad dressings are from Kraft. For nutritional information, fat and carbohydrate content is shown on the left axis (grams) and salt content on the right axis (milligrams).

Exhibit B, derived largely from http://caloriecount.about.com/, clearly demonstrates that gravy is better for you than salad dressing. Even restaurant grade, delicious KFC gravy! It has comparable calories to the fat free variety of salad dressing, less sodium, and more delicious animal fat. Fat free salad dressing is actually inflated in calorie content by addition of sugars. Those sneaky bastards! So the next time you reach for the salad dressing, fatty, grab some piping hot gravy instead.

The media has been deceiving us. People recognized the value of gravy decades ago, but these ads were subsequently subverted to sell cigarettes.

An original gravy ad. Doctors of previous generations promoted it as a healthy drink alternative.

Gravy recently tried to make a comeback with a new "Got gravy?" campaign featuring many celebrities (below Lauren Conrad). But in this case, the powerful dairy industry continues to subvert these ads to their own nefarious purposes.

Recent gravy ad, ultimately crushed by dairy

Get the message out my friends. Say no to milk! Say maybe to cigarettes! And say yes to gravy!

For the love of God, body, take it easy. I'm sorry I ate so much!

I am in a tremendous amount of pain. Since we began this competition, I have lost weight. The numbers remain to be seen, but I'm fairly confident in that assessment. However, in the process, I have turned my body against me.

The strangest feeling part about having starved myself for so long, is that all of the hunger related feelings I should have are virtually absent. In the past, when I woke up in the morning, my stomach would tell me, in no uncertain terms, "Hey! Jerk! It has been 12 hrs. Where's the damn food?". I would respond by pouring coffee down my throat and thinking, "Shut up, you. Take this! Now you're too sick to eat anything". My body would respond with the strong urge to use the bathroom. We've always had a very turbulent relationship.

Later in the afternoon, my stomach would act up again, screaming, "You jerk! Feed me now or I'll make you dizzy!". I'd give in, though I would keep the intake really low, out of spite.

And finally, late at night, my stomach would resort to threats, "Eat or I'll grumble all night, and you won't be able to sleep", and at this point, I'd usually eat a regular meal. It wasn't a happy relationship, but at least we were on speaking terms.

Strangely, my stomach doesn't talk to me at all anymore. Every day that I've woken up in the past week, no noises. No conversations. Nothing. It's usually not until the evening that I think, well, I should probably eat something. It has been almost 24 hrs and the restaurants will close soon. Don't get me wrong, I'm still hungry. Once I so much as taste the food, I become voracious. I would probably literally bite whoever tried to take it away. The weird thing is, I've lost the biological feeling of hunger, at least within a 24 hr period.

The other terrible but wonderful part is the shrinking of the stomach. I just came back from eating... far too much. I decided to go to a local steakhouse here in Boston, called Longhorn's. I started with a 25 ounce beer. After that, I ordered a steak. I debated for many minutes what size steak, and decided that 6 ounces was too small. Instead, I went for a 12 oz steak. And an appetizer, some lobster and shrimp chowder. This doesn't sound too unreasonable, does it? Right...

First the chowder came out. It was enormous. The bowl was about 6 inches in diameter and 2 inches deep. I was full after eating that. However, following that was a Caesar salad, of similar proportion to the chowder. And a loaf of bread. And then the steak. With a large side of potatoes. I'm not sure, but I suspect I've consumed well over 3500 calories in one sitting. And my stomach is very very angry. Today was not a very good day for weight loss. I'm sorry stomach. You would have loved this in the past. But I realize that going from zero to hero only works in the movies, not in a biological setting.




Seriously, what on earth are we doing to our bodies??

Delicious food that I could be eating

I'm currently in Boston, enjoying a different ambiance for a couple of weeks, and wanted to thank celestialspeedster for making this trip considerably less enjoyable. Curse you for proposing this competition!

Boston and New England in general are home to many delicious and terribly unhealthy dishes. I thought I'd share some pictures of all the wonderful food I won't be eating while I'm here. Well, hopefully not, anyway...



The Lobster Roll

This delightful looking heart stopper is basically lobster mixed in with copious amounts of mayonnaise, served on a hot dog bun. I'm dying to eat one.

Estimated % of daily calories: >50%

Boston Cream Pie

The basic composition of this amazing food, is cake (sugar, flour, milk, eggs, and oil); cream filling (more sugar, milk, eggs and butter); and chocolate ganache (chocolate and cream). This is also available in donut form. Surprisingly, neither is good for you. Sigh...

Estimated % of daily calories: Just put down the fork, fatty.





New England Clam Chowder

Soup? Surely this must be healthy? Guess again. Clam chowder is essentially just cream, potatoes, and clams, with some bacon and butter thrown in for good measure.

Estimated % of daily calories: 25%, for a modest serving. In the US, this size of serving doesn't exist.





The Fluffernutter

This might sound like something you would order in the red light district in Amsterdam, but it is in fact layers of peanut butter and marshmallow "fluff" sandwiched between two slices of bread. This creation was proposed as the state sandwich of Massachusetts.

Estimated % of daily calories: If you're eating this regularly, your daily calories are the least of your worries.

...

I hope this makes your mouths water, competitors, and that you give in to temptation.

To paraphrase a former colleague, "Giving up smoking, drinking, and unhealthy food won't actually make you live longer. It will just feel like it."

So just go for it everyone. They sell Boston Cream Pie in most urban centers. Think about it. I know I will...