If you gotta sit on your ass, at least make wasting time interesting

Not one to shy away from sloth at times of slothiness, a chosen victim of my own inertia I try to be at least partially mentally engaged with the process of ever-widening my waist and ass in between my infrequent workouts.

So join me on the couch, relax, and enjoy the show with these 2 short time wasters:

The 600 Years, by the macula. For the 600th Anniversary of the Astronomical Clock Tower in Prague. I dig old clocks like this, the mechanics and calculations that had gone into their construction must have been staggering. Buildings have stories to tell as do the people who built them.

I've seen projected building work before but nothing like this. "the macula" display here just totally blew me away. Make sure you have the sound on and in IE and Firefox hit F11 to max out your screen, the video is TALL.

Suggested pairing: roast pork with dumplings and sauerkraut, Czechvar or Kozel beer

Mass Effect 2's opening sequence. An opening scene sets the tone, doesn't matter if it's the opening bars to a concert or the first scene of King Lear.

Bioware has turned much of what was once considered the "non-art" of video games and made them relevant. Mass Effect 2's opening interactive cut-scene alone turned customary game intro's upside down and inside out.

This sequence left my quaking jaw on the floor when I fired it up in January on release day. Even if you don't know the story of the first game, this is a pretty epic way to get uncontrollably pulled into the ME universe in the sequel.

SPOILER: You play as Commander Shepard. And in the first 5 minutes, you die. Chew on that for a minute.

Yes that is a LEGO Normandy SR-2 built by Ben Fellowes. It even has a LEGO Kodiak shuttle and a docking bay to store it in. 1.26 metres of LEGO awesomeness.

Suggested pairing: any Big Rock beer and Alberta beef tenderloin.

I feel my ass getting bigger by the moment.

The Secret Halle Berry Workout

To become Catwoman, one must exercise like Catwoman! This has lead me to researching the most recent actress to play Catwoman with stalker-like intensity. It turns out that Halle Berry gained back her thin figure after having a baby through a special workout. I haven't been able to find the exact details of this secret workout, but based on paparazzi photographs, I have assembled what must be a reasonable facsimile of it.

Step 1: Jog with child in a stroller. This must be her cardio workout. She must be wearing her dri-fit dress in this photo. Increased resistance training can be accomplished by used heavier a child, or perhaps doubling up on children. She probably adds in hills and walking on high-heels definitely works her calves.

Step 2: Arm curls with dogs. This must be her upper-body strength training. The brilliance of using live dogs is that they are constantly squirming, forcing you to use your stabilizer muscles to maintain a good grip and balance. If you want to bulk up on muscle, you can do fewer reps with a heavier breed of dog. If you want lean muscle, you do more reps with a smaller breed of dog.

Step 3: Tongue presses with Jamie Foxx. This must be her flexibility and core workout. It also stresses a key principle in workouts. You are more likely to exercise when you have a workout buddy. Now, I have to emphasize that while Halle Berry did tongue presses with Jamie Foxx, I could do a modified version of this exercise... with Don Cheadle or Cuba Gooding Jr. It doesn't have to be Jamie Foxx. You can be mix-it-up and be creative.

Marshmallow in the middle but she's got much back

I have learned what I must do to make my bust bigger, but what about my waist? A smaller waist will be key to becoming Catwoman, whatever version of her.

Catwoman	Chest	Waist	Hips
Halle Berry	36"	22"	37"
Michelle Pfeiffer	33.5"	24"	34"
Julie Newmar	38"	23"	38"
Me	32.5"	27.6"	37.8"

As you can see, my hips are Catwoman ready so I'm already 1/3 of the way towards victory.

In the next few weeks, I will attempt the following strategies for a smaller waist:

• eat whole grains instead of refined grains
• cardio exercises to decrease overall fat
• special waist whittling exercises

Having to lose as much as 5" off my waist will be tough so expect increasingly desperate measures as Halloween looms.

Between a rock and a fat place...

Firstly we all know Speedster is the only one who will do the catwoman suit justice, being female and all. Seeing as the rest of us are male we are doomed to failure but try we must.

So I've finally made my donation of $20.80 to Partners in Health as decreed by the First Chapter of TXXL and rounded it up to a more substantial amount as promised in one of my earliest posts.

In doing so, it dawns on me in introspection how quickly I have not only reverted but lost ground on my pre-competition form.

Immediately after the finale and all other summer events wrapped up, I pretty much came to a sit-still. Thanksgiving was awesome, but did not help there especially when bundled together with 2 birthdays and a wedding. Much cheer, much food, much sloth.

My measurements are not flattering.

So it all begins anew and I throw an/old new friend into the mix. Sunday if I make it out of town to see the sibs again....Indoor Rock Climbing !!! Finally, after a significant hiatus my climbing gear will be dusted off (pun yes I am aware) and finally put to use once more. My 9yo nephew who weighs nothing will leave me in his dust not having gravity to tire him out.

My arms have been feeling spindly, my legs, not so strong. This should add to the rectification of slothiness or at least justify it.

Climbing regularly strengthens and stretches EVERYTHING and should tone me up towards that catwoman suit nicely. Though I'll pass on the heels.

I just hope my gut doesn't block my step.

Catwoman Competitor Profile: Flocons

Current body measurements

Bust: 42"

Waist: 44"
Hips: 43"
Thighs: 25"
Upper arms: 14"

Feelings about becoming Catwoman: I'm shocked my bust, waist, and hip measurements give me a comparable figure to the province of Saskatchewan. Imagine Saskatchewan in a catsuit... that will be me.

What I already have in common with Catwoman: Concerning Catwoman, I feel I have nothing in common with her... aside from my fetish with whips and leather. Besides those things, we are completely different!

Strategy for becoming Catwoman: To become Catwoman, I must EAT like Catwoman. That means a diet of freshly caught mice, raw fish, and small birds. Oh yes, I must also consume small amounts of melamine in my daily diet. Mmm mmm good!