Prince Edward County 2011

We're all about biking, and drinking, and eating.

That's generally what we do, and not always in that order generally combined in one form or another.

Below is a possible/draft route map for Day One of our upcoming trip to the Prince Edward County area to go booze up in classy style, at vineyards. Starting and ending in Bloomfield, should be a nice ride, challenging but not deadly, and plenty of "grape juice" along the way. If we were to ride this route straight without stopping it would take us a few hours. Now when we roll in stops, meandering and the inevitable getting lost-ness to happen...well it's a good thing we don't need to be back in Bloomfield until later.

Day Two will consist of something completely different, and should include a trip to the Barley Days Brewery in Picton, that would make me smile.

I really absolutely HATE google's mapping functions when trying to layout a path. It's terrible.


View PEC Route 1 in a larger map

A good diet in theory

Just replace Jimmy Kimmel with a lunch container et voila!

A diet I can understand

Let's face it, most diets are usually one or more of a few things:

A) fads that are extraordinarily stupid and make no sense
B) harmful and stupid
C) stupid
D) all of the above

Simply opting for a more balanced diet with a more active lifestyle should suffice. The number on the scale matters less than most would think unless you're going over an edge is one direction or the other. When I'm 190 and my shirts are tight across the shoulders: no problem. When I'm 190 and the buttons are popping off my pants: PROBLEM!

It's where and what the weight is that matters most. So make the most of it.

Then Speedster brought this to my attention. I salute you Mr. Wilson.

Now it's simple enough: drink beer for Lent. Now I gave up giving up things for lent ages ago. Can't say I'm devout anything other than an agnostic beer drinker. Devoted only to the Bavarian Purity Law of 1516.

I can't go the full-on atheist route for one very humble reason: There's got to be something out there more powerful than humans because let's face it, if we're the epitome of sentience in the universe we're a pretty sad example. History is loaded with moments exemplifying how stupid we are. Ridiculous lemon water detox diets included.

Religion aside, I commend Wilson's rational approach and proliferating the knowledge that monks are awesome brewers. Because they are, Belgium is full of them and has been for centuries. Though this is a mixture of much of the aforementioned troubles diets can be. I can only imagine what shade of blue his liver will be by the end.

Regardless, this brave soul is undertaking a Lenten journey of understanding. His liver will tell the tale.

Congratulations! It's a beautiful baby...

It's the second week of January and while my vacations are officially over, I will carry the memories formed during the last weeks with me for months to come. Like many young families with far too much free time on their hands in the winter months, I have conceived a child. And also, like most pregnancies, my impending child was an accident. I am debating the names "Oops" or "Teresa" if a girl, and "Lumpy" or "Rambo" if a boy. Here I shall describe the circumstances leading up to his/her conception.



...

I left Toronto on the night of the lunar eclipse. It was an early flight, and I found myself on the street during the event itself, my steps struggling to retreat from the blood red stare of the pregnant moon. In retrospect, perhaps I should have recognized it as an omen of the events to come.

As is often the case, it was a cloudy day in Vancouver when I arrived. After an unexpected and graceful swan dive into the wooden docks of Granville Island and a number of beers to numb both the pain and the embarrassment, I found myself within the downtown core. An air of romance seemed to perfuse the city. In reality, it was likely the cold drawing blood from my brain.

I soon arrived outside of a restaurant. Her restaurant. Her eyes immediately found me at the door. It wasn't hard; the place was empty. Her eyes bore a squint of suspicion as I entered. She warmed up quickly, showing me to a seat with a broad smile and a squint of welcome in her eyes, before sauntering away. I struggled to assemble the puzzle of the menu and of its proprietor, who watched over my decision with an inquisitive squint in her eyes. I made two decisions in those moments: I would have the green curry chicken; and she was not squinting, she was Asian. I entered the restaurant in search of food, but something indescribable happened that day. At the conclusion of my meal, she arrived with the bill and a look of mystery on her face. The cost was a mere $12, but I tipped her my heart.

Within days of arriving at home, I noticed a change. I was suffering from strange cravings. Despite being surrounded by healthy, delicious, and at times gourmet fare, I felt a physiological need for banana bread. And not just banana bread, but cake, cupcakes, butter tarts, chocolate, candy apples, and potato chips. Along with a change in diet, I often felt ill in the mornings. My clothing became tighter. That was when I realized: I was having a baby! A food baby.

My feelings for my child are as fickle as the child itself. My diet has changed more than Jennifer Aniston's relationships. The most recent phase has revolved around the eating of gummy products. I spent three days unable to eat anything but for gummy worms and gummy bears.



People claim that having a child is magical, and yet aside from a strange fascination with the nests of animals in the wild, perhaps related to my own nesting response, I found my mind drifting to the macabre. I alternated between joy and a strong desire to kill this baby through reckless activity ranging from ice skating, dangerous hiking, and tobaggoning. I have also tried to abort it through alcohol and starvation. But all has been to no avail. Animal crackers have become a daily staple. My food baby kicks after a short time without a meal. And strangely, I couldn't be happier.

I have come to terms. I now accept my child, since it was born of hot and spicy Thai love; that and butter. My only concern is that my reckless behavior has damaged it. Since its conception, my dreams have become haunted by images of Michael Moore and depressed reindeer.

Am I ready to carry this potentially damaged child for months to come? Or will I abort it through an orgy of activity? Only time will tell.

A predictable resolution

A vacation in Paris and the usual holiday binge-fest has resulted in the expected weight gain.

Pre-Paris: 122 lbs

Post-Christmas: 126 lbs

Frankly, I'm surprised that my body has held on so stubbornly to the vestiges of fitness.

Of course, I have the Toronto Half-Marathon (May 15, 2011) to train for, but I think some more immediate challenges might be in order. I have some suggestions:

My Own Personal Kichadi - the Kichadi diet was a winning strategy for Doctor Cook, but no one, not even Doctor Cook, wants to do it again. But, what if every competitor could choose their own "kichadi" to consume for a week? A chocolate cake strategy would be wonderful but result in weight gain. A gruel strategy could result in weight loss but kichadi-like suffering. How will competitors balance taste and nutrition?

My Own Personal Hell - Hot yoga is a exercise combining flexibility, strength and cardio challenges in one. It has also been called a form of torture. In an effort to entice new clients, many hot yoga studios offer trial periods for a lower price. All competitors could take advantage of this deal to see who is capable of taking the most punishment...er...mind blowing physical transformation.

New Year's Eve will be one last hurdle before everyone joins the Thinspiration XXL band wagon - hopefully the competitors will be amongst the passengers.

Anti-climactic Catwoman Finale Part 2 to come

The second Catwoman Competition finale will take place this Saturday, November 20: Beautiful Day. Competitors will be measured and are expected to bring their own version of the recently departed Double Down. The visual food orgy to come should be exciting...well, at least more exciting than the Catwoman Competition, which has been a non-starter.

If the competitors do not agree on a challenge for the next round that causes everyone to giggle like frenzied school girls, then this may well mark the finale of Thinspiration XXL.

Obesity rates to rise at Central Tech

Just as Canadians begin pining over the departure of the Double Down, Krispy Kreme has returned from oblivion to fill the void. The chain that had Torontonians running for the (Mississauga) border disappeared in 2004 in the midst of financial woes. Now, Krispy Kreme has set up shop near the intersection of Bathurst and Harbord, within waddling distance of Central Technical School.

Just a reminder that one Krispy Kreme donut equals 250 calories. Take two Krispy Kreme donuts, insert some cheese and bacon in between, and the end result is something even more monstrous (or wonderful?) than the Double Down.

Lunch: Mountains and Molehills

The Twinkie Diet thing reminded me of a post I'd started, stopped and started again.... Think it's time I got back to that thought.

Lunch, the lesser appreciated of the three traditional daily binges. It can be awesome or devastating. We're all so busy in our daily lives that it rarely is used an opportunity for eating something good so much as just vacuuming down some calories to carry you through until dinner. Historically for my 10 years at this job I've done one of two things for lunch:

1. brought in a huge container of one single meal item. Seriously for me I might as well have been using a garbage can. Be it rice or pasta, everything was awash in meat/tomato sauce. I loaded up as much as I could into the biggest container I could find and of course would eat the entire pile in one sitting
2. wandered downtown or to the cafeteria to find some overpriced meal that would ultimately suck as a waste of time, money and tastebud satisfaction

Add this to the fact I skipped breakfast due to my innate laziness of hitting the snoozebar countless times in the morning before rushing out the door. This is bad.

So I was glutting down large amounts of food of dubious nutritional value on a previously empty stomach (barring a coffee) and basically forcing my metabolism to cope with the massive influx all at once. And it did....by making me 197lbs. The body can only burn so much as fuel efficiently in such a span of time, the rest goes to our portly pocket zones. In my case, the beer gut.

Over the last year or two I've been thinspired by many things to change my habits, TXXL has only reinforced that this is a wise course of action.

To be honest, it was also getting really really boring. My tastebuds are tired of monotonous daily meals of convenience so this also adds some meal variety to the routine of my 9-5 desk job grind.

Since I still skip breakfast to an extent I've finally settled on a more reasonable approach.

Solution:

1. Little tiny containers.
   
2. More of them.
   
3. With different non-meatpasta items in each.
4. Bring cereal bars and slices of bread for breakfast when I get to work
   
5. Keep items like peanut butter at work for breakfast bread
   

No. 4 & 5 keep me in check until lunch itself and provides something for my body to burn in the meantime, regulating the metabolism a bit better. The tiny containers are obvious portion control and more options adds more veggies and fruits into my otherwise meatcarby diet. It also has proven to be a quick meal to slice up tomato, onion, lettuce, cheese and meat the night before, throw it all into a container and bring two pieces of bread in another. Put container contents on bread, voila you have a sandwich and the bread isn't soggy.

For lunch I generally still have my mound of pasta, only a smaller molehill with more veggies in the sauce instead of a Half Dome-comparable load of meat and carbs. Half Dome is huge, see pic at the top, the view from the apex is incomparable.

I'm also bringing two juice boxes, one to go with breakfast and another for lunch to keep myself from running down the hallway to the nearest pop machine when I'm tired of just water.

Also common inclusions now in lunch in said tiny containers or on the side:

1. olives and pickles
   
2. mandarin orange pieces
   
3. yogurt
   
4. grapes
   
5. sliced sweet peppers
   
6. apples
   
7. oranges
   
8. bananas
   

I'm also a cheap bastard. This has proved a good cost-cutting measure as I got tired of spending too much money on bad unhealthy food prepared and served by obnoxious staff at unacceptable dives downtown when I either forgot to pack or got tired of my garbage can of carbmeat.

Sodium being a monster flab-builder in the Triad of Trouble (sugar, fat, salt), and being an addict to "pickled anything" which is of course a haven for high sodium.... I've happily discovered Bick's makes a garlic dill with 50% less salt. They taste almost identical to the regular pickles.

Behold the awesomeness of a low-sodium pickle!

Catwoman Competition results: inconclusive

At the finale of the Catwoman Competition, body measurements were quickly forgotten as competitors gorged on homemade baked goods by Flocons, and a sushi party tray. The competitors were then distracted by the need to show off their costumes to unwilling spectators, like friend and non-follower of Thinspiration XXL, Senan. Fortunately, Senan's child was already safely ensconced in bed, and did not have her Halloween ruined by six creepy adults.

After sorely testing the hospitality of Senan, the competitors returned to the home of Flocons and Royal Pinguo to play Just Dance 2 on the Wii, with the body parts of Jon Levy distributed to the winner of each round. This will be news to Jon Levy, who assumes that cannibalism is simply a topic of debate, rather than a real personal concern.

Frankly, no one looked good in a catsuit, even prior to the binge eating that has become status quo at Thinspiration XXL events. Hence, the 'Catwoman' competition will continue and conclude on Beautiful Day: November 20.

Save the date by marking it on your calendars (especially you, Jon Levy, you tasty, tasty morsel).

DD Day +1

Okay. We did it.

In concept, melted cheese and bacon on chicken sounds extraordinarily delicious. In practice, and even knowing it's gastly level of sodium beforehand I wasn't expecting a mouthful of the Dead Sea when I bit into it.

It reminded me of these... for those of more urban origins those are Salt Lick Blocks that are given to cattle. These as you may have guessed are large blocks of salt.

Cows lick these.

KFC is now selling you a deep fried one for $7 a shot.

Thank Dionysus there was a pub nearby. It took a huge stein (two actually) of good beer and a monster size salad to get the salt taste of my tongue.

Though I am happy to report it does not indeed require hot sauce per se, but it wouldn't have hurt.

Verdict on the Double Down:

ABSOLUTELY GHASTLY

DD-Day

So...

Today is the day we Double Down. I'm still hesitant. Just thinking about it makes me feel an aneurysm coming on sending my arteries and kidneys cowering in fear.

Will our stomachs survive the gastrointestinal onslaught of sodium and fat in a tasty chicken package? Well, wait and see.

All I know is this:

It will probably need hot sauce.

A Haiku for the KFC Double Down

Two seasoned chickens.

The breaded deep-fried borders,

Of the Double Down.

Delicious bacon,

Thy crispy salty nature,

A pleasure of taste.

Melted pepper jack.

The cohesive cheese that binds,

Merging of flavour.

Sauce of mystery,

A rare treat for the senses.

The sandwich complete!

KFC: Double Down!

The KFC Double Down arrives in Canada today! Premium seasoned chicken, strips of delicious bacon, two slices of pepper jack cheese, and special sauce... The Thinspiration XXL team will be jogging to KFC on Thursday, then replenishing lost electrolytes with the infamous Double Down!

DOUBLE DOWN! DOUBLE DOWN!

Champion's Keys to Successful Weight Loss: Choose Your Own Adventure

Poutine: Images of this trick people into visiting a humorous weight loss blog.

Greetings faithful Thinspiration followers, or poutine lovers who have stumbled across us. My apologies, as I had intended to outline my winning strategies for successful weight loss much sooner following my victory in round 1 of Thinspiration; however, they shall be presented here today, and they shall be glorious.

Whatever people may say, weight loss is truly an adventure. Generally, it is a terrible one, spent running in terror from Ronald McDonald's blood red grimace; the Pillsbury Dough Boy's obscene demands that you touch his belly "just a little"; and a myriad other pushy mascots of the food industry. And even if you escape these pernicious pursuers, you need to avoid running too far or too fast or you may end up falling, exhausted, into the pit of anorexia, too weak to ever emerge.



To aid fellow weight loss enthusiasts in their journey, I present this "Choose your own adventure" to weight loss, infused with wisdom from our recent competition:

...

1. You find yourself standing in front of a scale. Your weight is 20 lbs heavier than you like. Your pants are a size too small for your stomach. And your self-esteem is a size too small for your otherwise sparkling personality. Do you:

A. Do nothing (go to 2)
B. Decide to lose 20 lbs in 2 weeks (go to 3)
C. Decide to lose 20 lbs in 1 month (go to 4)
D. Decide to lose 20 lbs in 6 months (go to 5)

2. Your weight remains the same. What did you expect, stupid? Do you:

A. Do nothing (go back to 2)
B. Decide that you are fine the way you are (go to 6)
C. Decide to revise your strategy (go to 1)

3. You try to exercise every day and starve yourself. You end up feeling weak, terrible, exhausted and losing a total of 5 lbs. You decide you are incapable of significant weight loss, blame genetics, buy a tub of ice cream and gain the weight back, plus an additional 10 lbs. (The end)

4. You lose 5 lbs in the first two weeks. Then you get hungry. (go to 3)

5. You make a sensible, achievable, long term goal. Do you:

A. Nonetheless attempt massive short term hardcore weight loss (go to 7).
B. Decide to follow a diet (go to 8)
C. Decide to exercise (go to 9)

6. You buy new clothes that fit. Life is good. Though you realize you should probably exercise. Fortunately, Thinspiration XXL Part 2 can Thinspire you to health. (The end)

7. You decide to follow some of the exciting strategies of Thinspiration XXL for 1 week. Do you:

A. Follow the Master Mung Cleanse diet, coupled with prolonged anorexia (go to 10)
B. Follow the revised Special "K" diet (go to 11)
C. Severely limit your calorie intake (go to 12)
D. Take laxatives and use the sauna (go to 13)

8. You decide to follow a diet, determine your basal metabolic rate and decide on a calorie intake to allow for:

A. 1 lb of weight loss per week (go to 14)
B. 2 lbs of weight loss per week (go to 15)
C. 3 lbs of weight loss per week (go to 16)
D. 4 lbs of weight loss per week (go to 12)

9. You decide to exercise regularly. Do you:

A. Continue to eat as you normally do. (go to 14)
B. Eat more due to how much hungrier you are. (go to 2)
C. Follow a sensible diet in addition to exercising. (go to 15)
D. Follow a rigorous diet in addition to exercising. (go to 16)
E. Eat as little as possible and exercise concurrently. (go to 17)

10. You lose an insane amount of weight during the week, although you destroy your digestive system in the process. After a month of continued digestive problems, you book a doctor's appointment out of fear that you have developed colon cancer. But hey, at least you're thin, right? (The end; your body can't handle any more)

11. You fail to lose weight during the diet. Who would think that eating food with the letter K in it would lead to weight loss? That is just crazy. (go to 5)

12. You develop progressive weakness, fatigue, and an inability to concentrate. You lose weight, but at what cost? People begin to question whether you are okay behind your back. You feel you should continue to lose weight. You may be anorexic. Thankfully, you're too distracted by your sleek and contoured ribs to notice. (The end?)

13. You find yourself terribly dehydrated, which is particularly problematic since you feel the constant need to poo. You develop severe constipation, hemarrhoids, gas, and generally feel and smell awful. You also don't lose any weight, since it's trapped in your bowels. (The end)

14. You continue to lose weight. It happens slowly, but by 6 months, you have nearly met your goal. The gradual pace allows you to maintain a normal lifestyle, and miraculously, you have made changes to keep it off. You proceed to tell everyone about your success story. People feign interest, but are ultimately bored by your sensible demeanor. Fortunately, boring others pays off. After those insensitive jerks have fallen asleep during your story, you slip out on a pricey bill, saving 40 dollars. (The end)

15. You lose weight quickly, meeting your goal in about 3 months. It feels very difficult throughout, but achievable. You frequently fantasize about eating the lunch of friends and in your darkest hour, the friends themselves. Fortunately, you are thin and only slightly eccentric. Someone gives you 40 dollars for being attractive. (The end)

16. You lose weight rapidly, meeting your goal in under 2 months. You are hungrier than you've ever been. You find yourself chewing on pillows, arms, and bits of leather to take your mind off it. People begin to refer to you as that "attractive but very very crazy person who works down the hall". Someone gives you 40 dollars for being attractive. Someone else gives you a restraining order. (The end)

17. During a particularly long run in the forest, your legs give out. You just don't have the fuel to continue. Foolishly, you decided not to bring money, a cell phone, or any means of getting back home. You stumble and crawl through the forest, eventually coming across a crazy artist, building inukshuks in the middle of a clearing. Do you:

A. Ask the artist if he will share the insects he is eating and if he will allow you the use of his Toronto Sun newspapers to sleep on. (go to 18)
B. Challenge the artist to a duel, with the winner getting to eat the loser. (go to 19)
C. Start building inukshuks with him. (go to 20)
D. Stumble away, hoping to find another option. (go to 21)

18. You wake up covered in spit and urine, none of which is yours. You bid the artist farewell, and stumble home, vowing never to repeat this experience again. (go to 22)

19. The artist easily overpowers you. He hits you over the head. You fall helplessly to the ground. You wake as the base of an inukshuk, with large stones piled on top of you. The artist begins to gnaw on your wrist. Exercise seems to have been a poor choice. (go to 22)

20. The artist appreciates your help. He speaks warm and friendly gibberish to you, stroking his filthy beard as he does so. You share a meal of insects and a strange paste. Amidst the gibberish he is spouting, you recognize the words "lonely" and "rohypnol". You slowly lose consciousness to the sight of his toothless grin drawing near. (go to 22)

21. The artist follows you, and attacks you in the forest. He seems to be hunting you with a plunger lined with steak knives. You trip over a root, hit your head on a rock, and lose consciousness. (go to 22)

22. You wake to find yourself in a classroom, without any pants on. You scream and then awaken again, in your bed, with your wrist in your mouth and a feeling of extreme hunger. You realize that this was all a hallucination. Yes, you are in that bad of shape. Strangely, you have a small model inukshuk in your pocket that you can't explain. (The end)

A Lesson Learned

Regardless of it satisfying some innate childhood fantasy and I am reminded of arguments with my parents as to the contrary; I understand their arguments were sound and they were truly and rightly correct. 100% without a doubt:

Chocolate Ice Cream for dinner, in dinner size portions, is a bad idea.

Just so we're all clear on that.

Yes I have done this. It was yummy and an extraordinarily bad idea. I REGRET NOTHING!!!

My name is Opiate. I am a life-long chocolate addict.

Though chocolate ice cream has many wonderful nutritional things in it a body needs to be healthy like you know.... chocolate (calcium, Vitamins A, B2, B12 are in there too as nice bonuses I guess), as with anything yummy that too much of a good thing is also very true. As my taste buds rejoiced my stomach turned into a war-torn state in the throws of a violent rebellion as was expected but did not deter.

Whatever possessed me to eat so much ice cream? I had chocolate ice cream in my freezer.

And a spoon.

I found the picture above on Scoop Adventures, a blog about ice cream: making it and loving it. It includes recipes. A great one I'd like to try is the Blueberry yogurt popsicles. She also has a recipe for a Praline and Bacon flavour.

Central to this find though is the chocolate stout ice cream and the recipe uses of all things Young's Double Chocolate Stout from the UK. One of my personal favourites of all time and guaranteed massive calories per bottle.

Avoid at all costs if you

1. don't like beer
2. don't like chocolate
3. are trying to stay away from high amounts calories contained in single-serving-sized attractive bottles filled with yummy brewed liquid that you are likely to like far too much
   

I'll drink this stuff but the case.

Some healthier(ish) chocolate options:

• Nature Valley Dark Chocolate Trail Mix bars
• Kashi Chocolate fudge coconut, dark chocolate cherry, and mocha almond bars
  
• Any good quality 70% or higher dark chocolate and a glass of nice red wine
• Nutella
• Chocolate covered strawberries, cherries, any berries you like!!

Now that I am out of ice cream, dinner tonight will be something entirely different, chocolate free....and likely containing jalapenos.

Protein Binge of Fire - Field Testing My Cast Iron Stomach

I thawed some ground beef out, so of course had to do something with it. Also always desiring an excuse to not cook for a while.

The answer:

A HUGE POT OF CHILI

I have no idea how to make chili in any traditional sense. A friend asked me what my recipe was... My response: "recipe?"

Recipe's mean planning and initiating a said plan with proper supplies. I just sort of throw a bunch of stuff into a pot as I found them in my kitchen.

From what I understand chili at it's core needs tomatoes, chili powder and some form of huge protein binge (meat or beans and for me it's both). Pretty much anything else is optional depending on tastes. I could have looked up some recipes online easy enough, but where's the fun in that? I likely wouldn't have half the ingredients on hand anyway.

My grandmother used to put chopped apples in her chili, was actually a neat mix you wouldn't expect to work but did. I have apples, but refrained. It's a difficult balance.

Definitions:

"not small pinch": a fairly large amount, probably a tablespoon or two but varies. I generally just pour it on until I think it's just the right amount of too much.

"Buttload": Exactly as it sounds. Don't ask me what measured amount qualifies a "buttload". A lot more than a not small pinch.


I tend to overdo things a bit as a matter of course.

All in all I'm happy with the results, a spoonful has a decent flavour and near-intolerable spice burn that keeps me coming back for more. It's far better than I was expecting for a mishmash of random things and no proper measurements.

The recipe as best as I can recall:

• 1 cucumber diced
• 1 lb lean ground beef
• 1 can low sodium mixed beans
  
• 1 cup dried, soaked then boiled chick peas
• 3 mason jars of home made tomato juice (my last 3, *sniff*)
• 1/2 a bulb garlic, crushed and diced
• 1/2 a red onion, diced
• a buttload of chili powder
  
• 3 fresh vine tomatoes diced (all I had in the fridge, normally use more)
• a not small pinch of Italian seasoning (oregano, sage, basil and whatnot, picked up from Fresh From the Farm, it's a yummy mix)
• 2 dried Korean chilies crushed (tiny but these critters can stop a rabid charging bull at 100 yards)
• a not small pinch of a salsa spice mix I have, loads of flavour and kick
  
• 3 small branches worth of fresh rosemary
• half a small bottle of pickled sliced jalapenos, a lot, didn't count
• ~12 small pickled green chillies diced (seriously tiny and spicy, a big one might only be 2 inches long, it was the last of the jar so I tossed it all in)
• 1/2 cup of brown rice
  

Status Update: One for the Ditch

Beer Gut of Sloth (Heavy Dwarven Armour):
Fatigue +15
Armour +1
Constitution +50
Speed -20
Dexterity -100
Strength Modifier 0.000001

At this particular moment I remain boned.

Major holes recently punched into my ability to maintain or lose weight:

Montreal is behind me and with it, my ambition to run for the time being. Calling it burnout is a bit of an understatement.

GWN dragon boat race is over. My 9th season of racing is done. Our team closed out the beer tent, being politely booted out as the staff packed up and the sun went down we were the last team standing and quite nicely pickled. Liquid calories abounded as we were celebrating a fun season and finishing off in style.

What this truly means besides the fact my liver is blue is that all that extra exercise from practices to work off my binges is now absent. My binges were rationalized before, now they are not. I am also struck with the new-found free time I don't quite know what to do with yet. If only fleeting this feeling of free time initially drops on your head like a mountain of bricks and is alarmingly disorienting.

Options? I have the usual new apartment stuff that needs attending to still, can go for a run, can maybe catch a movie ...

BUT! *there's always a but.

Halo: Reach is finally here! The prequel endgame of the Bungie era in Halo games, and it's very very fun. If anything will make me take Dragon Age out of my xbox drive and plant my ass immobile without fail it's a new Halo. This represents an incredible opportunity to expand my belly overhang in ever greater dimensions.

Free Time = Video Game Sloth

Eating out. Until very recently I have spent a very little amount of time at home due to the events I've been attending/competing in. So I have been eating humongous portions elsewhere and although yummy, seeing the sodium, sugar and fat levels in most tasty restaurant meals are something to make one's eyeballs shrivel and I'm glad those details aren't listed on the menus yet. I enjoy cooking but my fridge is empty, have to hit the veggie stands and restock the freezer.

Now it's time for me to get off my ass and re-begin my training in other forms and with a new resolve as I'm calling my grace period for recovery (translation: laziness) from the run officially OVER.

In weight loss news

• A new study finds that success, and not looks, makes heterosexual women feel inferior, "triggering an urge in heterosexual women and gay men to eat less and try to become thinner."
  

"The opposite was true for heterosexual man and gay women. They showed no change in their eating habits when exposed to stories of competitive, high-status men and women."

• A nutrition expert has lost weight on a controlled diet of junk food and plain vegetables. For three weeks, Mark Haub's diet has included Little Debbie Pecan Spin Wheels for breakfast, Hostess Twinkies for lunch, birthday cake for supper and Doritos for dessert.

• Weight loss is a summer past time. Since Fall's arrival, I feel cold, almost all of the time. Now, I know why cold climate cuisine usually consists of hearty stews and alcohol.
  

Grams, ounces, WTF

I recently posted a visual chart of what 200 calories looks like and while others may marvel at how a cornucopia of broccoli could equal 1.25 hot dogs, this is the stuff of portion control nightmares.

In anticipation of attending Canada's Largest Ribfest, I attempted to figure out how many calories each rib would equal. This search for seemingly simple information resulted in this:

3.5 oz (100 g) = 340 calories

What?

396 calories in one very large, American style BBQ pork spare rib

Is that a single rib?

1/4 rack with sauce (140.0 g) = 280 calories

I give up! (gnaw furiously at rib)

I eventually found a website that was kind enough to give me information in terms I understand: "There are approximately 388 calories in three BBQ pork spare ribs."

The struggle to figure out what ounces and grams look like on my plate continues in all aspects of my daily diet. In moments of laziness, I resort to eating pre-packaged foods like granola bars and microwavable dinners because they give me a clear calorie count.

The fact is that dieting is not conducive to a good social life. The Ribfest, preceded by four nights out of the house, resulted in the expected weight gain, because it was impossible to count calories. For example: Beef with bitter melon

Beef (1/4 cup) = 80 calories

Bitter Melon (1/4 cup) = 6 calories

Bits of onion = negligible?

Yummy sauce (1/4 cup) = ???

Unknown vegetable (?) = ?????

Oil = :-(

Plus, what kind of wet blanket whines about calories while poking suspiciously at one's entrée, or eats salad?

The recent proposal to mandate calories in menus will take away the blissfully ignorant feeding frenzy that diners enjoy, but it may be the only way I keep my weight down and keep friends at the same time.

Still, nutritional information, no matter how widely distributed, will prove useless if portions continue to be measured in what might as well be Swahili.

Food Effigies and You

You are what you eat. Or so they say. I pray that this is not true, as my food effigy this week is not pretty. Note: Some food products were 'mooooo're prepared than depicted.

In light of my vow to indulge this week, I have done just that. The consequences have been dire.

1) I have forgone vegetarianism, with dire consequences to my digestive system. Who knew that a scant few weeks would be enough for my system to become completely inadequate at digesting meat?

2) I have forgone sobriety, with dire consequences to my bank account, my digestive system, and also to my liver. Shut up in there you. At least you can regenerate!

3) I have survived a complete day solely on a diet of peanut butter, with dire consequences to my digestive system. This has not been your week, has it large intestine?

4) I have nonetheless discovered that despite this week of binge eating, magically, I can fit into size 31 waist jeans instead of the size 34 parachute pants I was squeezing into earlier. I can even fit size 30, though with dire consequences to anyone who happens to look at me. Thank you Kate Moss for your thinspiration! Anorexia is king!