Friday, July 30, 2010

Running Riot! Please Note: Headbanging while running is fun but highly discouraged.

As humans we crave distraction especially during points of stress and boredom, while undergoing something long and tedious. Distractions make the time flow just little less slow.

Running is very much in that category of long and tedious. All 6 of us are "runners" to a varying degree or have at least run at some point. I can thank Flocons for getting me into the world in 2004. I've never looked back unless I've tripped on something.

Running is long periods of introspection disguised as excercise. Introspection has it's necesary place but is slow and sometimes painful like running so we distract ourselves with different routes, traffic, conversation if running in groups and music playing, heart rate monitoring gadgets of all kinds. Without distraction we tend to drift in focus to the self-inflicted pain and discomfort and truly HOW LONG this running thing really takes... which just saps all the fun right out of it. Not allowing ourselves to settle into a groove and just go. Which is bad.

That being said there's only a few events I've done that HAVE NOT included some form of eardrum numbing tunes to help pass the time:
  • triathlons and duathlons as they are not allowed on course for safety reasons (dangling cables + bike handlebars = bad) and also the events themselves pose significantly different physical and mental challenges
  • the Twenty Valley Wine Run during which you have enough distraction between running through the vineyards of Niagara, drinking wine en route and chatting with other runners that serves quite well and you WANT it to take a long time. My favourite Personal Worst Time ever.
I learned the hard way how important distractions are when I ran my first and so far only Marathon. 42km of hell and the battery of my then mp3 player DIED with 15km or so to go. Let the true test of wills begin...honest I was about to cry. 42km on your feet can do that, especially when you're not even done yet.

iPod batteries holding a more reliable charge has resolved that issue. In no particular order here's a small selection of distracting tunage from my trusty-near-rusty iPod shuffle that have carried me through many a run:
  1. Slayer : Raining Blood (really does it require any explanation?)

  2. Tea Party : Sister Awake (Alhambra remix)

  3. Radiohead : Backdrifts

  4. Finger 11 : Quicksand

  5. Daniel Lanois : Still Water

  6. Alice in Chains : I Stay Away

  7. Tool : Pushit (Live version from Salival)

  8. Stone Temple Pilots : Still Remains

  9. Korn : No Place to Hide

  10. Pearl Jam : I Am Mine (I know I was born and I know that I'll die, in between is mine...)

I am not left-handed.

It is said that when it comes to weight-loss... your greatest opponent is yourself. Whoever said that would find Thinspiration XXL inconceivable. The truth is, I have 6 opponents. My wife who is steadily losing a pound a week... My 3 best friends, who have been catching up to me... My arch-nemesis (and unquestionably my best friend as well) who has been pulling away into the lead... Finally, myself who has been throwing up obstacles to better weight loss.

Well enough is enough. I've held back long enough. I've achieved my results to date from healthy eating alone. In the coming weeks, I'm taking the gloves off. I'm finally throwing exercise into the equation. I may also induce myself to vomit Kirby-style. You have been warned.

"My name is Flocons De Mais. You killed my weight loss. Prepare to lose."

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The secret of my success

After four weeks of watching the competition waddle to catch up, I have decided to share my wealth of knowledge on how to achieve rapid weight loss. You're welcome.
  • Stay a little hungry - I eat just enough to prevent myself from sliding into complete dementia, but a little bit of hunger is always gnawing at me. When I go to bed, I like to pretend that I'm Oliver Twist, or someone equally precious...and skinny.
  • Exercise everyday - I do not enjoy taking time out to exercise, and that has been my downfall in the past. Recently, I decided to integrate exercise into my daily life by biking to work. Now, I get a one hour workout, at least five days a week, and it is a necessity, not an activity that must be scheduled in. Plus, it is actually enjoyable, unlike running, which is effective but tortuous.
  • When in doubt, reach for water - Like Doctor Cook, I am losing touch with my bodily cues, and have trouble differentiating between feeling peckish, hungry, and depressed. So, I just drink some water and wait. If the feeling subsides, I was peckish. If it increases, I'm starving. If my face is wet, I'm crying.
I don't know how low this winning strategy will take me, but the anticipation is a killer.

Fatty Weigh-in: Week 4

CompetitorCurrent Weight
Tally
Total
celestialspeedster121 lbs- 2 lbs- 8 lbs ( - 6.2%)
Doctor Cook
??? lbs? lb
+ 1 lb ( + 0.6%)
Flocons
203 lbs
- 0 lb
- 9 lbs ( - 4.2%)
Opiate179 lbs- 2 lbs- 4 lb ( - 2.2%)
Royal Pinguo
140 lbs- 1 lb- 4 lb ( - 2.8%)
Thorn170 lbs
- 2 lbs
- 6 lbs ( - 3.4%)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Time Lords ... and me

Is this a bad thing? When I'm on a training run and over top of the normal stupidly loud heavy metal, Daniel Lanois, and other oddities on my iPod I start hearing in my head...

The Doctor Who Theme, with images of the Tardis floating through my skull. Yes the iconic Police Box itself.

Where in the hell did that come from?!?! It's been years since I've seen an episode and it's one of the old school era versions stuck on loop between my ears. A variant mix of the haunting 1960's William Hartnell era and the later Tom Baker era tune.

After biking home and running my butt off, had that left my mind nutrient and oxygen deprived in the normal smoggy and humid Toronto air causing psychotropic images and sounds filtering through my mind? Because really, the theme is pretty trippy.

I had to take some time after getting home to collect myself...it was so odd. I consoled myself with more Hewitt's Goat's Milk ice cream, Raspberry this time. 125ml of which is about 37% of your daily fat intake. But so damn yummy. After 15k on my feet I figured I'd earned a scoop or four.

I'm craving tons of it but never satisfied. It's raspberry. Ice cream just isn't the same without it being chocolate, covered in chocolate, include chocolate covered nuts, chunks of chocolate or chocolate anything else for that matter. It's been a while since I've had chocolate anything other than a few tiny choco-covered caramel balls over the weekend.

That's it, the Tardis is telling me I need chocolate. I'm going into withdrawal. That or I was meant to go to Comic Con in San Diego this year and somehow missed the signs.

Damn you, after 50+ years of the BBC series I hope The Master finally kills you off completely this season, no more regeneration you bastard. I'll watch that with a bucket of chocolate covered fried chicken and a brownie filled gut-buster chocolate sundae.

The weigh-in this week is not going to be friendly.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Challenge #1: Burn to Binge

After four weeks of due diligence, the competitors will put all of their hard work on the line, this weekend, in the first Thinspiration XXL challenge event, Burn to Binge.

Competitors will "enjoy" a meal at one of the burger joints listed in the Toronto Star article. The two hours prior to the meal will be allotted to fortification against the onslaught of fat to come. It will be up to each competitor to strategize and execute a defensive offence or offensive defence. Weight, and possibly blood pressure, will be recorded before and after the meal.

We invite spectators and possible sponsors to cheer or jeer. Sponsors, inspect the competitors as you would inspect a gladiator, or a race horse, or a carnival sideshow.

To avoid reprisals from outraged citizens, we will reveal the event details to interested individuals on request.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

For the love of God, body, take it easy. I'm sorry I ate so much!

I am in a tremendous amount of pain. Since we began this competition, I have lost weight. The numbers remain to be seen, but I'm fairly confident in that assessment. However, in the process, I have turned my body against me.

The strangest feeling part about having starved myself for so long, is that all of the hunger related feelings I should have are virtually absent. In the past, when I woke up in the morning, my stomach would tell me, in no uncertain terms, "Hey! Jerk! It has been 12 hrs. Where's the damn food?". I would respond by pouring coffee down my throat and thinking, "Shut up, you. Take this! Now you're too sick to eat anything". My body would respond with the strong urge to use the bathroom. We've always had a very turbulent relationship.

Later in the afternoon, my stomach would act up again, screaming, "You jerk! Feed me now or I'll make you dizzy!". I'd give in, though I would keep the intake really low, out of spite.

And finally, late at night, my stomach would resort to threats, "Eat or I'll grumble all night, and you won't be able to sleep", and at this point, I'd usually eat a regular meal. It wasn't a happy relationship, but at least we were on speaking terms.

Strangely, my stomach doesn't talk to me at all anymore. Every day that I've woken up in the past week, no noises. No conversations. Nothing. It's usually not until the evening that I think, well, I should probably eat something. It has been almost 24 hrs and the restaurants will close soon. Don't get me wrong, I'm still hungry. Once I so much as taste the food, I become voracious. I would probably literally bite whoever tried to take it away. The weird thing is, I've lost the biological feeling of hunger, at least within a 24 hr period.

The other terrible but wonderful part is the shrinking of the stomach. I just came back from eating... far too much. I decided to go to a local steakhouse here in Boston, called Longhorn's. I started with a 25 ounce beer. After that, I ordered a steak. I debated for many minutes what size steak, and decided that 6 ounces was too small. Instead, I went for a 12 oz steak. And an appetizer, some lobster and shrimp chowder. This doesn't sound too unreasonable, does it? Right...

First the chowder came out. It was enormous. The bowl was about 6 inches in diameter and 2 inches deep. I was full after eating that. However, following that was a Caesar salad, of similar proportion to the chowder. And a loaf of bread. And then the steak. With a large side of potatoes. I'm not sure, but I suspect I've consumed well over 3500 calories in one sitting. And my stomach is very very angry. Today was not a very good day for weight loss. I'm sorry stomach. You would have loved this in the past. But I realize that going from zero to hero only works in the movies, not in a biological setting.




Seriously, what on earth are we doing to our bodies??