Delicious food that I could be eating

I'm currently in Boston, enjoying a different ambiance for a couple of weeks, and wanted to thank celestialspeedster for making this trip considerably less enjoyable. Curse you for proposing this competition!

Boston and New England in general are home to many delicious and terribly unhealthy dishes. I thought I'd share some pictures of all the wonderful food I won't be eating while I'm here. Well, hopefully not, anyway...



The Lobster Roll

This delightful looking heart stopper is basically lobster mixed in with copious amounts of mayonnaise, served on a hot dog bun. I'm dying to eat one.

Estimated % of daily calories: >50%

Boston Cream Pie

The basic composition of this amazing food, is cake (sugar, flour, milk, eggs, and oil); cream filling (more sugar, milk, eggs and butter); and chocolate ganache (chocolate and cream). This is also available in donut form. Surprisingly, neither is good for you. Sigh...

Estimated % of daily calories: Just put down the fork, fatty.





New England Clam Chowder

Soup? Surely this must be healthy? Guess again. Clam chowder is essentially just cream, potatoes, and clams, with some bacon and butter thrown in for good measure.

Estimated % of daily calories: 25%, for a modest serving. In the US, this size of serving doesn't exist.





The Fluffernutter

This might sound like something you would order in the red light district in Amsterdam, but it is in fact layers of peanut butter and marshmallow "fluff" sandwiched between two slices of bread. This creation was proposed as the state sandwich of Massachusetts.

Estimated % of daily calories: If you're eating this regularly, your daily calories are the least of your worries.

...

I hope this makes your mouths water, competitors, and that you give in to temptation.

To paraphrase a former colleague, "Giving up smoking, drinking, and unhealthy food won't actually make you live longer. It will just feel like it."

So just go for it everyone. They sell Boston Cream Pie in most urban centers. Think about it. I know I will...

PETA tempting me with cannibalism

When you quit smoking, they say that if you can survive the first four days, you'll be okay. Well, my addiction is eating... and the last week has been difficult. I dare say it is a contradiction of my raison d'etre. I have been eating less, and from the last weight-in, it looks like it's working.

It's not to say that I'm not tempted by food. Society tempts you to eat badly, because it's full of gastronomic pushers and pimps of all sorts of terrible food. It's easy to resist the obvious traps. The red-haired clown tempts me with burgers and fries. The white-haired colonel temps me with chicken wings. I say no to them with disgust. But what about the wolves in sheep's clothing? What about black-haired Jared who tells me that eating a foot-long sub is good for me?

Thanks to my calorie counting website (caloriecount.about.com), I know some of the dirty tricks of the food industry. You see, that foot-long sub comes with a foot long bun loaded with carbs and a foot of cold cuts that is full of sodium. It's better than a pizza, but it is nowhere near as healthy as a home-made meal. What about fruit drinks? Loaded with sugar... and real fruit juice is only slightly better. It's also high in sugar and devoid of the precious fiber that your body needs. Do you think trail mix and granola is the way to go? Take a look at the calories and carbs. Diet soda may have zero calories, but it's nowhere near as good as a fresh glass of water. Don't be fooled, my friends.

On that note, what HAVE I been eating? I've been eating more fruits and vegetables. I've been packing them as snacks. Not V8 or Fruitopia... I mean REAL fruits and vegetables. I've been drinking water like a mad man too. Water has zero calories and it fills you up. Fiber also does this very well. I've been eating fiber pills at that crucial time around 2:30 in the afternoon, when my body feels like it wants a snack. I allow myself one "junk meal" a day if my spirit is weak, but it's either during breakfast or lunch... never for dinner. I mentioned this before, but I've been trying to turn my dinners into a light snack. Either cereal or some fruits. I've finally been able to do this during the last 3 days.

I won't kid you. This dramatic change scares me. Today it was 3pm and I realized I didn't eat lunch yet. I didn't feel hungry. The day before, I had only an apple and celery for dinner, and it felt strangely normal. I've been taking multi-vitamins because I'm concerned I'm not getting enough nutrients. To top this off, I've had to battle with strange posters from PETA encouraging me to adopt cannibalism (see above). I would think that PETA would be happy that I've eating more fruits and vegetables, but instead they tempt me into eating humans! That's sick, PETA... almost as sick as your posters tempting me to eat kittens.

More words from a winner

It is hard to enjoy my second consecutive victory because I fear losing the lead at the next weigh-in.

For one, I have a competitor who is also refusing to eat, but has a lot more weight to lose. Now that Flocons is finally following the advice that friends have been offering for years and putting down that fork, I fear that he will become an unstoppable, rapidly diminishing force.

Secondly, I cannot eat any less than I currently do, and maintain my mental and physical health. My weight loss thus far has been mainly the result of portion control, but unless I start consuming nothing but celery, I fear that this strategy has run its course.

I may actually have to start exercising if I am to remain in the overall lead. In a faulty turn of logic, I have decided to join the Toronto Girls' Cupcake Ride this weekend. And, I hope to supplement bike riding with running, perhaps in preparation for an event in September.

Fellow competitors, I think it would be hilarious to have us run a 5K or 10K together. And maybe, end it with a cupcake or prime rib...no, wait...

The battle between my mouth and my legs to see which will hold sway over my back fat begins.

Fatty Weigh-in: Week 2

Competitor	Current Weight	Tally	Total
celestialspeedster	124 lbs	- 2 lb	- 5 lbs ( - 3.9%)
Doctor Cook	??? lbs	? lb	+ 1 lb ( + 0.6%)
Flocons	205 lbs	- 5 lbs	- 7 lbs ( - 3.3%)
Opiate	182 lbs	- 1 lb	- 1 lb ( - 0.5%)
Royal Pinguo	142 lbs	- 1 lb	- 2 lb ( - 1.4%)
Thorn	172 lbs	- 0 lbs	- 4 lbs ( - 2.3%)

Not to rub it in or anything...

I drank at least 4 or 5 of those sugary juices on Sunday and thank the Storyteller profusely. It was incredibly hot out and they were great. I think I left most of them behind in the salt on my shirt. The word crustacean was mentioned. I felt like a coral reef.

Last night after dragon boat practice I had a pint of Keith's Red and an entire large Mediterranean pizza at Sunnyside Cafe all to myself before biking up to the Subway. The pizza did not entirely resemble this one but it was still yummy.

I may be very near last after the first week but I still prefer my methods over other battle tactics being currently put in the field.

The Keith's pint, well that was permitted being immediately after a rather rough practice. When I got home I managed to say no to the 3 tall cans of Creemore Thorn sent me home with Sunday that are still in my fridge untouched. That's a good thing, there's 3 so they're not lonely.

Laziness and poverty: My partners in weight loss

The strange thing about being so hungry is that I still can't manage to eat. At times, my stomach growls so loudly and constantly that I expect to frighten my co-workers. At the least, I'm fairly certain I would antagonize someone's dog!

I've been working long hours and so often find myself at work until the late evening. So during my hungriest moments today, I was discussing this problem with my friend Fish.

Friend Induced by Starvation Hallucinations (FISH): "Hey, why don't you go buy something at some restaurant?"
Me: "Good question Fish. I go out too much and I'm poor, so I really don't want to spend more than 2 dollars on food."
Fish: "2 dollars? Good lord! I wouldn't wear socks that cost 2 dollars!"
Me: "Don't judge me Fish, you jerk! You're not even real! Don't make me imagine you in a dress!"

Fish: "Okay, okay. Sorry. So, why not walk to China town? Everything there is slightly expired and so cheaper."
Me: "Yeah, that's an okay idea Fish, but I might have some serious bowel trouble"
Fish: "That'll help you lose weight!"
Me: "Yeah! Good point! But... it's soooo far. And I have no energy."

Fish: "McDonalds? Burgers are <$1.50!" Me: "Dammit Fish! I'm trying to lose weight! McDonald's is my kryptonite! Does Lois Lane stuff kryptonite down Superman's pants? No! So keep double cheeseburgers out of mine! Think outside the box!"
Fish: "Okay, okay. I'm trying to help. Don't yell at me or I'll start pumping KFC smells into your brain."
Me: "Sorry. I'm just really hungry. I just pictured you as a turkey a minute ago."













Fish: "Gobble, gobble!"
Me: *salivates
"Mmmm..."
Fish: "Snap out of it!"
Me: "Yikes. Sorry..."

Fish: "So why don't you bring in lunch?"
Me: "But... I'd have to make it... and I don't have any food"
Fish: "Yes you do. Remember? There's pasta and bread and stuff."
Me: "Carbs? Gah! Idiot! Sorry. Sorry. Keep going."
Fish: "You could buy other stuff. Meat."
Me: "Too many housemates. They'd steal it."
Fish: "What? You're crazy!"
Me: "There are nine of them. And one of them may be a serial killer. I'm not sure, but I think he also stole my bike."
Fish: "You are insane. I mean, you're talking to me."
Me: "Dammit Fish, be constructive!"
Fish: "Okay, okay, buy it the same day you cook it?"
Me: "From the grocery store...? But it's so far!"
Fish: "It's on your way home!"
Me: "Yeah... I guess... but my kitchen is gross! I hate cooking there!"
Fish: "You are impossible."

Me: "Really, we need to find something that doesn't cost much money, doesn't require me to do much work or use my kitchen, and that won't make me morbidly obese."
Fish: "Scavenge food from your co-workers?"
Me: "Hmmm... I think you're on to something!"
*begins rummaging through desks and fridges around the work environment
Fish: "Any luck?"
Me: "I found some watermelon, three french fries, and some Lindt chocolate."
Fish: "Good job!"

...

And that was my breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't have long to live! But I will die victorious, mark my words!

The race to anorexia

Recently, The Storymaster moved into a new dwelling and, coincidentally, enlisted every Thinspiration XXL competitor to assist her. Reporting on how little we had eaten for breakfast became a game of one-up-manship:

"I had two apples."

"I had nothing."

"I didn't even have dinner last night!"

As we carried The Storymaster's solid furniture, including a coffee table that was presumably made of lead, we talked excitedly about how the exercise would allow us to burn more calories.

"My body is probably consuming itself for energy!"

When The Storymaster offered cold orange juice during a break, everyone eyed the Nutritional Information with suspicion. Those who chose to drink in the 140 calories contained in the juice were soundly mocked.

As the day wore on, the gnawing hunger took its toll. Royal Pinguo and I shared a single granola bar despite Flocons's taunts, before passing out. Doctor Cook also fell into unconsciousness soon after.

We remained relatively quiet when The Storymaster took us out to lunch, perhaps lacking the energy to even converse, then because we were urgently stuffing our mouths with food.

The starvation tactic is probably not going to work over the two remaining months of the competition - I pray it doesn't. But this is like an arms race, and I won't stop this virtual hunger strike until someone else puts some food in their mouth.

Thinspiration Update

The first week was quite successful. My competitors were at a disadvantage though due to the fact that my first weigh in was after binge eating in Chicago. However, I'll use whatever means necessary to win (or at the very least, not lose) this competition.

The next few pounds will be much harder to lose. I'm at my normal stable weight (not necessarily my optimal weight, just what I've weighed at for the past 5-7 years or so). I'll have to forgo the beef patties and pastries that I frequently consume from the coffee truck we have at work. Yes, my workplace is so remote from normal restaurants that we have a coffee truck that comes in every morning, lunchtime and afternoon during weekdays.

Unfortunately, I've developed a Pavlovian response to the chime of the coffee truck and instantly salivate when I hear it. I do not get hungry until 10:30am because that's when it usually comes and if I miss it my stomach grumbles "Why are you doing this to me???". I'll have to unlearn this conditioned response and it won't be easy but this is what I have to do to succeed and go below 172 lbs. I know this because during a recent trip outside of the country I lost weight because I didn't have access to the sweet, sweet coffee truck.

First Step: Stop eating from the coffee truck
Second Step: ???
Third Step: Profit! (Win Thinspiration XXL)