Anti-climactic Catwoman Finale Part 2 to come

The second Catwoman Competition finale will take place this Saturday, November 20: Beautiful Day. Competitors will be measured and are expected to bring their own version of the recently departed Double Down. The visual food orgy to come should be exciting...well, at least more exciting than the Catwoman Competition, which has been a non-starter.

If the competitors do not agree on a challenge for the next round that causes everyone to giggle like frenzied school girls, then this may well mark the finale of Thinspiration XXL.

My latest gimmick

The fact is that I have been exercising on a regular basis in the last few weeks, and in spite of eating more, my weight has not changed. Also static, but less encouraging, are my body measurements.

With the three week extension to the Catwoman Competition, I have decided to take desperate measures. I will be attending Bikram Yoga classes for the month of November. My friend, the Storymaster insists that this is a surefire way to melt away the fat. Having only tried it once before, I can vouch that it is debatable form of torture.

Madonna does Ashtanga yoga, and she has zero body fat. I have been told that my hands look like Madonna's so perhaps doing Bikram Yoga will cause this similarity to spread throughout my body. One guy doesn't think Bikram Yoga is healthy for Madonna. Well, that's enough faulty logic for today. See you at the sweat mark.

Catwoman Competition results: inconclusive

At the finale of the Catwoman Competition, body measurements were quickly forgotten as competitors gorged on homemade baked goods by Flocons, and a sushi party tray. The competitors were then distracted by the need to show off their costumes to unwilling spectators, like friend and non-follower of Thinspiration XXL, Senan. Fortunately, Senan's child was already safely ensconced in bed, and did not have her Halloween ruined by six creepy adults.

After sorely testing the hospitality of Senan, the competitors returned to the home of Flocons and Royal Pinguo to play Just Dance 2 on the Wii, with the body parts of Jon Levy distributed to the winner of each round. This will be news to Jon Levy, who assumes that cannibalism is simply a topic of debate, rather than a real personal concern.

Frankly, no one looked good in a catsuit, even prior to the binge eating that has become status quo at Thinspiration XXL events. Hence, the 'Catwoman' competition will continue and conclude on Beautiful Day: November 20.

Save the date by marking it on your calendars (especially you, Jon Levy, you tasty, tasty morsel).

A Catsuit for All Seasons

The Catwoman Competition concludes this Sunday on Halloween.

It is unclear how a winner will be determined since the winning criteria have never been made clear, but the competitors will be judged, and judged harshly, as they strut about in skin tight outfits.

To quash false hope right now: there will not be any photos posted; only results.

Stay tuned!

The Secret Halle Berry Workout

To become Catwoman, one must exercise like Catwoman! This has lead me to researching the most recent actress to play Catwoman with stalker-like intensity. It turns out that Halle Berry gained back her thin figure after having a baby through a special workout. I haven't been able to find the exact details of this secret workout, but based on paparazzi photographs, I have assembled what must be a reasonable facsimile of it.

Step 1: Jog with child in a stroller. This must be her cardio workout. She must be wearing her dri-fit dress in this photo. Increased resistance training can be accomplished by used heavier a child, or perhaps doubling up on children. She probably adds in hills and walking on high-heels definitely works her calves.

Step 2: Arm curls with dogs. This must be her upper-body strength training. The brilliance of using live dogs is that they are constantly squirming, forcing you to use your stabilizer muscles to maintain a good grip and balance. If you want to bulk up on muscle, you can do fewer reps with a heavier breed of dog. If you want lean muscle, you do more reps with a smaller breed of dog.

Step 3: Tongue presses with Jamie Foxx. This must be her flexibility and core workout. It also stresses a key principle in workouts. You are more likely to exercise when you have a workout buddy. Now, I have to emphasize that while Halle Berry did tongue presses with Jamie Foxx, I could do a modified version of this exercise... with Don Cheadle or Cuba Gooding Jr. It doesn't have to be Jamie Foxx. You can be mix-it-up and be creative.

Marshmallow in the middle but she's got much back

I have learned what I must do to make my bust bigger, but what about my waist? A smaller waist will be key to becoming Catwoman, whatever version of her.

Catwoman	Chest	Waist	Hips
Halle Berry	36"	22"	37"
Michelle Pfeiffer	33.5"	24"	34"
Julie Newmar	38"	23"	38"
Me	32.5"	27.6"	37.8"

As you can see, my hips are Catwoman ready so I'm already 1/3 of the way towards victory.

In the next few weeks, I will attempt the following strategies for a smaller waist:

• eat whole grains instead of refined grains
• cardio exercises to decrease overall fat
• special waist whittling exercises

Having to lose as much as 5" off my waist will be tough so expect increasingly desperate measures as Halloween looms.

Between a rock and a fat place...

Firstly we all know Speedster is the only one who will do the catwoman suit justice, being female and all. Seeing as the rest of us are male we are doomed to failure but try we must.

So I've finally made my donation of $20.80 to Partners in Health as decreed by the First Chapter of TXXL and rounded it up to a more substantial amount as promised in one of my earliest posts.

In doing so, it dawns on me in introspection how quickly I have not only reverted but lost ground on my pre-competition form.

Immediately after the finale and all other summer events wrapped up, I pretty much came to a sit-still. Thanksgiving was awesome, but did not help there especially when bundled together with 2 birthdays and a wedding. Much cheer, much food, much sloth.

My measurements are not flattering.

So it all begins anew and I throw an/old new friend into the mix. Sunday if I make it out of town to see the sibs again....Indoor Rock Climbing !!! Finally, after a significant hiatus my climbing gear will be dusted off (pun yes I am aware) and finally put to use once more. My 9yo nephew who weighs nothing will leave me in his dust not having gravity to tire him out.

My arms have been feeling spindly, my legs, not so strong. This should add to the rectification of slothiness or at least justify it.

Climbing regularly strengthens and stretches EVERYTHING and should tone me up towards that catwoman suit nicely. Though I'll pass on the heels.

I just hope my gut doesn't block my step.

Catwoman Competitor Profile: Flocons

Current body measurements

Bust: 42"

Waist: 44"
Hips: 43"
Thighs: 25"
Upper arms: 14"

Feelings about becoming Catwoman: I'm shocked my bust, waist, and hip measurements give me a comparable figure to the province of Saskatchewan. Imagine Saskatchewan in a catsuit... that will be me.

What I already have in common with Catwoman: Concerning Catwoman, I feel I have nothing in common with her... aside from my fetish with whips and leather. Besides those things, we are completely different!

Strategy for becoming Catwoman: To become Catwoman, I must EAT like Catwoman. That means a diet of freshly caught mice, raw fish, and small birds. Oh yes, I must also consume small amounts of melamine in my daily diet. Mmm mmm good!

Catwoman Competitor Profile: Thorn

Current body measurements

Bust: 37.4"

Waist: 35.4"
Hips: 39"
Thighs: 23.2"
Upper arms: 13.4"

Feelings about becoming Catwoman: None. I'm not doing it.

What I already have in common with Catwoman: Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Strategy for becoming Catwoman: I'm Batman! Swear to me! (Pika)

Catwoman Competitor Profile: Doctor Cook

Current body measurements

Bust: 38"

Waist: 31.5"
Hips: 37"
Thighs: 22.5"
Upper arms: 12"

Feelings about becoming Catwoman:
I am filled with excitement at becoming Catwoman. This excitement in turn brings me shame.

What I already have in common with Catwoman:

An aloof attitude towards "owners" of cats; contempt for evil-doers, mixed with a desire to break the rules; and a repository of clever one-liners.

Strategy for becoming Catwoman:
I intend to rely heavily on my cattitude towards cleanliness (I shall give myself frequent baths) and a feeling of superiority.

Frankly, I have nothing to prove to you. I am already spectacular. I think I shall leave now.

But what's that? Catnip?

AAAAAaaaaaahhhhh.... scratch my belly... puuurrrrrrrr....

*swipes a claw at you*

Mwuahahahaa! Catwoman puts the OW in meow!

Catwoman Competitor Profile: Opiate

Current body measurements
Bust: 41"
Waist: 35"

Hips: 36"

Thighs: 22"

Upper arms: 14"

Feelings about becoming Catwoman:

I enjoy this concept because I know I will be in good company. It's going to be a shared high level embarrassment for all of us and a good incentive to tone up. This I find hilarious and potentially rewarding.

What I already have in common with Catwoman (or just cats):

• Moderate flexibility: with profound thanks to the Storymaster's guidance in the ways of yoga I am not a complete solid slab of immobile lard
• Bouts of rampant energy and playfulness interspersed by moments of extreme slothful laziness
• Love of seafood
• Random urges to climb things
• Already have a furry chin
• Easily distr...ohhh...shiny....

Strategy for becoming Catwoman:

• Yoga as much as possible to increase flexibility.
• Running as always, more and more.
• To re-acquaint myself with the concept of a regular workout at home. It's rather amazing what can be done with your own body mass and no expensive gym equipment.
• More seafood. I said more. Now.

Catwoman Competitor Profile: celestialspeedster

My body looks similar to this Miss Thailand Universe contestant (32 - 28 - 37) but less winsome

Current body measurements

Bust: 32.5"

Waist: 27.6"
Hips: 37.8"
Thighs: 20.9"
Upper arms: 10.2"

Feelings about becoming Catwoman: I look forward to watching my competitors parade around in a catsuit.

What I already have in common with Catwoman: Female body parts, a love of cats, warring desires to kiss and kill men.

Strategy for becoming Catwoman: Increase my bust, decrease my waist, improve flexibility with the help of a scratching post.

October is Catwoman Competition Month

During the original Thinspiration XXL weight-loss competition, competitors not only feared the scale, but also the scales of justice as the untimely demise of Doctor Cook looked increasingly plausible, sure to be followed by charges of 'Counselling to commit suicide'.

Much to everyone's relief, the weight-loss competition is over, and we can all focus on what really matters: looking good in a skin-tight outfit.

On October 31, Thinspiration XXL competitors will use Halloween as a socially acceptable excuse to wear catsuits. The fear of public shame will drive the competitors to not only lose weight, but to exercise and develop attractive muscle tone.

New competitor profiles, featuring current body measurements and strategies for transforming into a sexually attractive yet morally ambiguous vigilante will be posted shortly.

P.S. Readers who were hoping to have their 5K and triathlon desires met will not be disappointed. Stay tuned!