"Mmm, that was delicious. Now excuse me. I need to go to... the bathroom... for a minute..."

As this competition has progressed, it has been interesting to note the eating disorders some of our competitors have developed. I believe celestialspeedster, for one, is well on her way to anorexia. Surprisingly though, we have no bulimics, unless they vomit in secret (Flocons?). Disturbingly, this disappoints me. I would really like to see the full range of eating disorders develop during this competition. I believe it would be informative to human society or something...

However, the idea of bulimia is not totally gone from my mind. Just yesterday I went for all-you-can-eat sushi, and I considered vomiting afterwards. It was a passing thought, and one that I didn't seriously entertain, but I did think of it. The same thought occurred to me at 5am this morning, after eating some delicious lasagna.


Out of curiousity, I decided to take a couple of different eating disorder assessments with the competitive spirit of Thinspiration XXL in mind. Here are my results:

20 question quiz
Your score is 55. You are at a medium risk of developing an eating disorder. You should seek medical advice and/or professional counselling for a more reliable assessment.

50 question quiz
Your score: 72%
65-75% There is strong evidence of an eating disorder. You may be suffering from full-blown bulimia, or you may be in the midst of anorexia. Your answers indicate a high risk for further medical and psychological complications. Please seek a full medical evalutation immediately; counselling is also highly recommended. Your health may be significantly at risk.

Worry not though, friends, as if this competition were over, my score would be back in the normal range. I checked.

I challenge my fellow competitors to assess whether they are determined enough to win this competition to develop an eating disorder. Take the quiz!

Another important quiz
My score: 69%

Plug your ears

For no reason other than to serve as a reminder that I really really REALLY should be running more often and I'm very bored on lunch break... 10 more tracks from my eardrumb-numbing ipod selection:

1. Tool : Parabola
2. Radiohead : Optimistic
3. Alice in Chains : Them Bones
4. Nine Inch Nails : Heresy
5. Marilyn Manson : The Reflecting God
6. Nirvana : You Know You're Right
7. System of a Down : Shimmy
8. Primus : Professor Nutbutter's House of Treats
9. Sepultura : Refuse Resist
10. Korn : Somebody Someone

Fluffernutter Cakewich

I present to you the possible reason for a lackluster and reluctant weigh-in: the Fluffernutter Cakewich. That's marshmallow fluff, peanut butter, and angel food cake in place of the usual ingredient, white bread. This monstrosity was created with the help of a Cakewich mold.

Also on the menu that evening: jerk chicken, burgers, corn, roasted vegetables, bite-size cookie sandwiches filled with dulce de leche, and a chocolate cherry ganache pie. Plus, lots of beer. Unfortunately, there is no photographic evidence of any of the aforementioned foods thanks to a feeding frenzy.

I promise a better weigh-in result next week. No, really.

Fatty Weigh-in: Week 6

Competitor	Current Weight	Tally	Total
celestialspeedster	122 lbs	- 0 lb	- 7 lbs ( - 5.4%)
Doctor Cook	??? lbs	? lb	- 9 lbs ( - 5.0%)
Flocons	201 lbs	- 0 lb	- 11 lbs ( - 5.2%)
Opiate	178 lbs	- 0 lb	- 5 lbs ( - 2.7%)
Royal Pinguo	139 lbs	- 1 lb	- 5 lbs ( - 3.5%)
Thorn	168 lbs	- 2 lbs	- 8 lbs ( - 4.5%)

Survey results: Thinspiration XXL would be more exciting if...

• competitors provided 'Before' and 'After' photos - 1 vote (16%)
• competitors recorded daily food logs - 0 vote (0%)
• there were more photos of food - 1 vote (16%)
• competitors were "forced" to resort to cannibalism - 4 votes (66%)

Make the healthy choice. Choose gravy.

Whenever I'm confronted with gravy, while my mouth salivates, my brain yells at me, "STOP! Gravy is bad for you!". However, is this really true? I found myself examining this belief after Friday night, where I and some friends partook in a banquet of beer and poutine.

Poutine: an anorexic's kryptonite

I think few would disagree that poutine, a French Canadien creation of fries, cheese curds, and gravy is bad for you. But if asked which of the 3 components is the worst, most would demonize gravy. This discrimination must stop! Examine exhibit A:

Exhibit A. Nutritional breakdown of poutine.

The gravy is clearly the winner in low calorie content. And this is with roughly equal portions of gravy, cheese curds, and french fries. Clearly these proportions are ludicrous. This isn't some sort of delicious poutine soup, afterall.

Now, a person might note the amount of sodium and shout, "AHA! The salt content will kill you! Gravy is indeed unhealthy!" To address this, I present exhibit B:

Exhibit B. Comparison of gravy and salad dressing. Calories (left) and nutritional information (right) for 100 grams (~6 tbsps) of the various foods. Salad dressings are from Kraft. For nutritional information, fat and carbohydrate content is shown on the left axis (grams) and salt content on the right axis (milligrams).

Exhibit B, derived largely from http://caloriecount.about.com/, clearly demonstrates that gravy is better for you than salad dressing. Even restaurant grade, delicious KFC gravy! It has comparable calories to the fat free variety of salad dressing, less sodium, and more delicious animal fat. Fat free salad dressing is actually inflated in calorie content by addition of sugars. Those sneaky bastards! So the next time you reach for the salad dressing, fatty, grab some piping hot gravy instead.

The media has been deceiving us. People recognized the value of gravy decades ago, but these ads were subsequently subverted to sell cigarettes.

An original gravy ad. Doctors of previous generations promoted it as a healthy drink alternative.

Gravy recently tried to make a comeback with a new "Got gravy?" campaign featuring many celebrities (below Lauren Conrad). But in this case, the powerful dairy industry continues to subvert these ads to their own nefarious purposes.

Recent gravy ad, ultimately crushed by dairy

Get the message out my friends. Say no to milk! Say maybe to cigarettes! And say yes to gravy!

Math over feelings

So far, my food intake strategy has simply been to stay hungry, which has made me the winner that I am today. The downside of this approach is that, in the the throes of hunger, I make terrible choices in food consumption and in my personal life. I hear that the technical term for this behaviour is 'anorexia'.

A food strategy based on an unreliable source like my stomach is bound to eventually fail. My stomach betrayed my pudgy 11 year old self, scarring me for a lifetime with a fear of the return of those wonder years.

In stead, I refer to another childhood source of dread for the solution to my weight loss problem: math. Math will help me definitively calculate my recommended caloric intake.

First, how much do I need to survive? The following formulas determine the Basal Metabolic Rate.

Adult women:
655 + (4.3 x weight in pounds) + (4.7 x height in inches) – (4.7 x age in years)
OR
655 + (9.6 x weight in kg) + (1.8 x height in cm) – (4.7 x age in yrs)

Adult men:
66 + (6.3 x weight in pounds) + (12.9 x height in inches) – (6.8 x age in years)
OR
66 + (13.7 x weight in kg) + (5.0 x height in cm) – (6.8 x age in yrs)

My calculations tell me that I should not dip below roughly 1300 calories. Okay, math, I'll trust you for now.

Now, to determine how much I should eat based on my level of activity, to maintain my current weight:

• Sedentary (no exercise, sit at a desk most of the day): BMR x 120 percent (ie. an extra 20% on top of the BMR)
• Light Activity (no exercise, on feet during the day, eg. shop work): BMR x 130 percent
• Moderately Active (exercise 3 or more days a week for 30 minutes or more): BMR x 140 percent
• Highly Active (exercise 5 or more days a week for 30 minutes or more): BMR x 150 percent

My calculations give me roughly 1700 calories, but I am trying to lose more weight so I will bring it down to 1600.

Now, it will be up to me to record everything I eat and calculate my daily rate of consumption. Already, my faith in biology has been destroyed. I hope that my trust in math is not misplaced, lest I be forced to turn to religion.