One week before final weigh-in: eat All Bran and little more
I started making All Bran cereal a healthy start to my day in the hope of cleaning house. I have also avoided eating anything with an indeterminate calorie count to ensure that I consume less than 1300 calories each day. This has meant shunning restaurants, and most social activities. Dieters walk alone.
96 hours before final weigh-in: go for a run
While I have been commuting to work by bike practically every day (30 minutes each way), nothing burns calories like running. I went for a run for the first time in months, and I instantly lost pounds. Much of it was water weight, of course, but running succeeded where All Bran failed.
72 hours before final weigh-in: laxatives
Since cutting down my daily caloric intake (1117 is the record), my body has had trouble maintaining a normal temperature. My skin tells me that the air is comfortable and yet, my hands could double as a frosty mug. Walking briskly to bring my body temperature up has become a necessity, but more intense exercise like running has become dangerous. Taking laxatives allow for the evacuation of excess baggage in a safe, seated position.
24 hours before final weigh-in: cut out carbs and salt
A steady diet of protein appears to have resolved the body temperature issue, but a new problem has come up: I am losing my mind. I feel lightheaded, get tired from walking, and have become a cranky pants. Thorn has resorted to patting me on the back before putting me to bed and burying my plaintive whines under the duvet.
Hours before final weigh-in: cut out drinking and enter the sauna
I do not intend to drink any liquids prior to the weigh-in and I will take on another seated position strategy to weight loss: the sauna. Thorn will be present to take me to the final weigh-in, should I fail to carry myself there due to loss of consciousness.
If you do happen to win, then I tip my hat to you. That is an impressively unhealthy array of strategies. You truly deserve to claim the trophy from within your hospital bed.
ReplyDeleteI have done little in the way of strategy, though this illness has robbed me of my appetite. I have eaten a whopping two tablespoons of peanut butter today, and I feel like it may have been too much. :S I debated going for a run, but am far too weak from illness.
*begins crying uncontrollably
*realizes that crying = weight loss
*begins to smile in satisfaction
*notices that the crying has ceased
*becomes depressed at losing his weight-loss groove
Cycle repeats.
That just really sounds like no fun at all. Yesterday I was at H's working fibreglass insulation and carrying drywall. F fed me korean bbq and lasagna, I can never say no to that!
ReplyDelete