Grams, ounces, WTF

I recently posted a visual chart of what 200 calories looks like and while others may marvel at how a cornucopia of broccoli could equal 1.25 hot dogs, this is the stuff of portion control nightmares.

In anticipation of attending Canada's Largest Ribfest, I attempted to figure out how many calories each rib would equal. This search for seemingly simple information resulted in this:

3.5 oz (100 g) = 340 calories

What?

396 calories in one very large, American style BBQ pork spare rib

Is that a single rib?

1/4 rack with sauce (140.0 g) = 280 calories

I give up! (gnaw furiously at rib)

I eventually found a website that was kind enough to give me information in terms I understand: "There are approximately 388 calories in three BBQ pork spare ribs."

The struggle to figure out what ounces and grams look like on my plate continues in all aspects of my daily diet. In moments of laziness, I resort to eating pre-packaged foods like granola bars and microwavable dinners because they give me a clear calorie count.

The fact is that dieting is not conducive to a good social life. The Ribfest, preceded by four nights out of the house, resulted in the expected weight gain, because it was impossible to count calories. For example: Beef with bitter melon

Beef (1/4 cup) = 80 calories

Bitter Melon (1/4 cup) = 6 calories

Bits of onion = negligible?

Yummy sauce (1/4 cup) = ???

Unknown vegetable (?) = ?????

Oil = :-(

Plus, what kind of wet blanket whines about calories while poking suspiciously at one's entrée, or eats salad?

The recent proposal to mandate calories in menus will take away the blissfully ignorant feeding frenzy that diners enjoy, but it may be the only way I keep my weight down and keep friends at the same time.

Still, nutritional information, no matter how widely distributed, will prove useless if portions continue to be measured in what might as well be Swahili.