Competitor Profile: Opiate

Name: Opiate

Current Weight: 183 lbs

Goal: 175 lbs or less

Lowest Adult Weight: 168 lbs (a long time ago with an Opiate far away)

Dietary restrictions (specify physiological or moral): Anti-MSG. The stuff is not only a useless filler additive but tastes disgusting and makes me feel ill in all manner of unpleasant ways.

Favourite food(s)/greatest weakness: anything chocolate, spicy, smoked, meaty, cheesy, and anything that goes with beer. Maybe beer.

Least favourite healthy food: squishy/creamy tofu

If you could eat only one food for the duration of your life, what would it be: Heavenly Hash ice cream, ensuring the duration remaining will be enjoyable and short.

Number of times you have woken up with food in your mouth: none but have woken up with an unfinished beer can still in hand. Miraculously unspilled.

Number of fantasies you have had featuring food or food covered celebrities: Many but eating Heavenly Hash ice cream with fudge and caramel sauce off of Amanda Seyfried or/and Olivia Wilde is definitely up there.

Exercise strategy: Just keep doing what I’m doing, only more so. Yoga, running, drinking, cycling, drinking, dragon boating and drinking. Which essentially means my weight does not stand much of a chance of actually changing in any way. Sigh.

Thinspiration celebrity: Anyone hot who has the 6 pack abs I do not.

Favourite workout music: NIN, Marilyn Manson, Radiohead, Daniel Lanois, SOAD, STP, Alice in Chains, TOOL

Weighty sob story: 3 buttons popped off on 3 separate pairs of pants in one winter. That was a lot of unsatisfactory popping not involving bubble wrap. This was just this past winter. Le Cry.

Celebrity you would eat first, if the situation became dire, of course, not just as an enjoyable past-time:

Chef Paul Prudhomme. If you are what you eat then Chef Paul would be one hell of a spicy jambalaya. Back in the day, Chef Paul was absolutely HUGE!!! His early cookbooks were for those who loved to eat and are recipes for coronary arterial disaster, yummy yummy disaster. He’s dropped a lot of weight since then but if he was still his former glorious bulk he could feed an entire tribe for the better part of a year, and he’s already well-seasoned and aged. I'd pair him with a nice bottle of Cab-Savingnon because oddly I happen to always have one handy when things become dire.

Charitable beneficiary: Partners In Health - because people have the right to be healthy regardless of their economic situation and PIH gave a damn about Haiti LONG before the earthquake. I swear Paul Farmer was Valve’s inspiration for Gordon Freeman, regardless of being completely unlike each other in any way other than getting things done and all around awesomeness.