Competitor profile: Doctor Cook

Name: Doctor Cook

Current Weight: 180

Goal: 165

Lowest Adult Weight: 160

Dietary restrictions (specify physiological or moral): I have a small number of allergies which will aid me in this competition. I've recently developed an allergy to walnuts, and now will scream in terror at the offer of any nut-infested baked good. I'm also allergic to cats and mice, which should keep me clear of the nefarious "street meat" of Toronto.

Favourite food(s): Generally, I'm a huge fan of any food that had parents. At the top of my list is popcorn chicken from KFC, and their delicious gravy, both on french fries and poured piping hot into my mouth. If cheese curds can be thrown into the mix, all the better!

Least favourite healthy food: I'm torn between mushrooms and brussel sprouts. Mushrooms feed on the dead, and I'll have no part of zombie vegetables. It just isn't right. And brussel sprouts have an odor somewhere between dirty feet and a ripe baby's diaper. Why on earth would you put that in your mouth?

If you could eat only one food for the duration of your life, what would it be: Walnuts. I would rather die from a closed windpipe than eat only one food for the rest of my life.

Number of times you have woken up with food in your mouth: Never. But I have woken up chewing on my pillow a number of times.

Number of fantasies you have had featuring food or food covered celebrities: I frequently have dreams of eating. I once dreamed of eating one of every animal, like Noah's ark, but buffet style. The crocodile hunter would track them down, Dick Cheney would shoot them, and Gordon Ramsay would cook them. The dream was never concluded, but I can only assume Dick Cheney shot everyone eventually. As for food covered celebrities, there have been many, of which Jessica Alba is a favorite guest.

Exercise strategy: Shun the TTC. Walk everywhere. Run 1-2 times a week. Visit the gym, if only to look in, be inspired by others' work ethics, and then head to the pub. There is no coherent strategy at present, though my desire to utterly crush my opponents will see me do whatever it takes.

Thinspiration celebrity: Richard Simmons. His personality terrifies me, but I do respect how many people he has helped to lose weight.

Favourite workout music: I don't actually listen to music while working out. I prefer the sound of my own ragged breathing. Plus, I don't want to associate music that I like with all of the pain of exercise!

Weighty sob story: I'm too poor to keep buying newer bigger pants. I've twice had to leave weddings early on account of my suit being too tight and my being far too uncomfortable to stay.

Celebrity you would eat first, if the situation became dire, of course, not just as an enjoyable past-time: Michael Moore. I'd choose him for 3 reasons: he's large enough to make a few meals; I'm certain he would quickly irritate me enough to get over the horrors of having to eat another person; and finally, he's truly awful, and I'm sure the world would be improved with him as food. For the sake of irony, I would do my best to record the events, which I would later transform into a documentary.

Charitable beneficiary: Feed the children. I remember being told as a kid that I should finish my dinner because there were starving children in Africa. Not knowing any better, I always wanted to ship them my left-over food. Admittedly, money is much better and keeps longer!