DD Day +1

Okay. We did it.

In concept, melted cheese and bacon on chicken sounds extraordinarily delicious. In practice, and even knowing it's gastly level of sodium beforehand I wasn't expecting a mouthful of the Dead Sea when I bit into it.

It reminded me of these... for those of more urban origins those are Salt Lick Blocks that are given to cattle. These as you may have guessed are large blocks of salt.

Cows lick these.

KFC is now selling you a deep fried one for $7 a shot.

Thank Dionysus there was a pub nearby. It took a huge stein (two actually) of good beer and a monster size salad to get the salt taste of my tongue.

Though I am happy to report it does not indeed require hot sauce per se, but it wouldn't have hurt.

Verdict on the Double Down:

ABSOLUTELY GHASTLY

DD-Day

So...

Today is the day we Double Down. I'm still hesitant. Just thinking about it makes me feel an aneurysm coming on sending my arteries and kidneys cowering in fear.

Will our stomachs survive the gastrointestinal onslaught of sodium and fat in a tasty chicken package? Well, wait and see.

All I know is this:

It will probably need hot sauce.

A Haiku for the KFC Double Down

Two seasoned chickens.

The breaded deep-fried borders,

Of the Double Down.

Delicious bacon,

Thy crispy salty nature,

A pleasure of taste.

Melted pepper jack.

The cohesive cheese that binds,

Merging of flavour.

Sauce of mystery,

A rare treat for the senses.

The sandwich complete!

KFC: Double Down!

The KFC Double Down arrives in Canada today! Premium seasoned chicken, strips of delicious bacon, two slices of pepper jack cheese, and special sauce... The Thinspiration XXL team will be jogging to KFC on Thursday, then replenishing lost electrolytes with the infamous Double Down!

DOUBLE DOWN! DOUBLE DOWN!

If you gotta sit on your ass, at least make wasting time interesting

Not one to shy away from sloth at times of slothiness, a chosen victim of my own inertia I try to be at least partially mentally engaged with the process of ever-widening my waist and ass in between my infrequent workouts.

So join me on the couch, relax, and enjoy the show with these 2 short time wasters:

The 600 Years, by the macula. For the 600th Anniversary of the Astronomical Clock Tower in Prague. I dig old clocks like this, the mechanics and calculations that had gone into their construction must have been staggering. Buildings have stories to tell as do the people who built them.

I've seen projected building work before but nothing like this. "the macula" display here just totally blew me away. Make sure you have the sound on and in IE and Firefox hit F11 to max out your screen, the video is TALL.

Suggested pairing: roast pork with dumplings and sauerkraut, Czechvar or Kozel beer

Mass Effect 2's opening sequence. An opening scene sets the tone, doesn't matter if it's the opening bars to a concert or the first scene of King Lear.

Bioware has turned much of what was once considered the "non-art" of video games and made them relevant. Mass Effect 2's opening interactive cut-scene alone turned customary game intro's upside down and inside out.

This sequence left my quaking jaw on the floor when I fired it up in January on release day. Even if you don't know the story of the first game, this is a pretty epic way to get uncontrollably pulled into the ME universe in the sequel.

SPOILER: You play as Commander Shepard. And in the first 5 minutes, you die. Chew on that for a minute.

Yes that is a LEGO Normandy SR-2 built by Ben Fellowes. It even has a LEGO Kodiak shuttle and a docking bay to store it in. 1.26 metres of LEGO awesomeness.

Suggested pairing: any Big Rock beer and Alberta beef tenderloin.

I feel my ass getting bigger by the moment.

The Secret Halle Berry Workout

To become Catwoman, one must exercise like Catwoman! This has lead me to researching the most recent actress to play Catwoman with stalker-like intensity. It turns out that Halle Berry gained back her thin figure after having a baby through a special workout. I haven't been able to find the exact details of this secret workout, but based on paparazzi photographs, I have assembled what must be a reasonable facsimile of it.

Step 1: Jog with child in a stroller. This must be her cardio workout. She must be wearing her dri-fit dress in this photo. Increased resistance training can be accomplished by used heavier a child, or perhaps doubling up on children. She probably adds in hills and walking on high-heels definitely works her calves.

Step 2: Arm curls with dogs. This must be her upper-body strength training. The brilliance of using live dogs is that they are constantly squirming, forcing you to use your stabilizer muscles to maintain a good grip and balance. If you want to bulk up on muscle, you can do fewer reps with a heavier breed of dog. If you want lean muscle, you do more reps with a smaller breed of dog.

Step 3: Tongue presses with Jamie Foxx. This must be her flexibility and core workout. It also stresses a key principle in workouts. You are more likely to exercise when you have a workout buddy. Now, I have to emphasize that while Halle Berry did tongue presses with Jamie Foxx, I could do a modified version of this exercise... with Don Cheadle or Cuba Gooding Jr. It doesn't have to be Jamie Foxx. You can be mix-it-up and be creative.

Marshmallow in the middle but she's got much back

I have learned what I must do to make my bust bigger, but what about my waist? A smaller waist will be key to becoming Catwoman, whatever version of her.

Catwoman	Chest	Waist	Hips
Halle Berry	36"	22"	37"
Michelle Pfeiffer	33.5"	24"	34"
Julie Newmar	38"	23"	38"
Me	32.5"	27.6"	37.8"

As you can see, my hips are Catwoman ready so I'm already 1/3 of the way towards victory.

In the next few weeks, I will attempt the following strategies for a smaller waist:

• eat whole grains instead of refined grains
• cardio exercises to decrease overall fat
• special waist whittling exercises

Having to lose as much as 5" off my waist will be tough so expect increasingly desperate measures as Halloween looms.

Between a rock and a fat place...

Firstly we all know Speedster is the only one who will do the catwoman suit justice, being female and all. Seeing as the rest of us are male we are doomed to failure but try we must.

So I've finally made my donation of $20.80 to Partners in Health as decreed by the First Chapter of TXXL and rounded it up to a more substantial amount as promised in one of my earliest posts.

In doing so, it dawns on me in introspection how quickly I have not only reverted but lost ground on my pre-competition form.

Immediately after the finale and all other summer events wrapped up, I pretty much came to a sit-still. Thanksgiving was awesome, but did not help there especially when bundled together with 2 birthdays and a wedding. Much cheer, much food, much sloth.

My measurements are not flattering.

So it all begins anew and I throw an/old new friend into the mix. Sunday if I make it out of town to see the sibs again....Indoor Rock Climbing !!! Finally, after a significant hiatus my climbing gear will be dusted off (pun yes I am aware) and finally put to use once more. My 9yo nephew who weighs nothing will leave me in his dust not having gravity to tire him out.

My arms have been feeling spindly, my legs, not so strong. This should add to the rectification of slothiness or at least justify it.

Climbing regularly strengthens and stretches EVERYTHING and should tone me up towards that catwoman suit nicely. Though I'll pass on the heels.

I just hope my gut doesn't block my step.

Catwoman Competitor Profile: Flocons

Current body measurements

Bust: 42"

Waist: 44"
Hips: 43"
Thighs: 25"
Upper arms: 14"

Feelings about becoming Catwoman: I'm shocked my bust, waist, and hip measurements give me a comparable figure to the province of Saskatchewan. Imagine Saskatchewan in a catsuit... that will be me.

What I already have in common with Catwoman: Concerning Catwoman, I feel I have nothing in common with her... aside from my fetish with whips and leather. Besides those things, we are completely different!

Strategy for becoming Catwoman: To become Catwoman, I must EAT like Catwoman. That means a diet of freshly caught mice, raw fish, and small birds. Oh yes, I must also consume small amounts of melamine in my daily diet. Mmm mmm good!

Catwoman Competitor Profile: Thorn

Current body measurements

Bust: 37.4"

Waist: 35.4"
Hips: 39"
Thighs: 23.2"
Upper arms: 13.4"

Feelings about becoming Catwoman: None. I'm not doing it.

What I already have in common with Catwoman: Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Strategy for becoming Catwoman: I'm Batman! Swear to me! (Pika)

Catwoman Competitor Profile: Doctor Cook

Current body measurements

Bust: 38"

Waist: 31.5"
Hips: 37"
Thighs: 22.5"
Upper arms: 12"

Feelings about becoming Catwoman:
I am filled with excitement at becoming Catwoman. This excitement in turn brings me shame.

What I already have in common with Catwoman:

An aloof attitude towards "owners" of cats; contempt for evil-doers, mixed with a desire to break the rules; and a repository of clever one-liners.

Strategy for becoming Catwoman:
I intend to rely heavily on my cattitude towards cleanliness (I shall give myself frequent baths) and a feeling of superiority.

Frankly, I have nothing to prove to you. I am already spectacular. I think I shall leave now.

But what's that? Catnip?

AAAAAaaaaaahhhhh.... scratch my belly... puuurrrrrrrr....

*swipes a claw at you*

Mwuahahahaa! Catwoman puts the OW in meow!

Champion's Keys to Successful Weight Loss: Choose Your Own Adventure

Poutine: Images of this trick people into visiting a humorous weight loss blog.

Greetings faithful Thinspiration followers, or poutine lovers who have stumbled across us. My apologies, as I had intended to outline my winning strategies for successful weight loss much sooner following my victory in round 1 of Thinspiration; however, they shall be presented here today, and they shall be glorious.

Whatever people may say, weight loss is truly an adventure. Generally, it is a terrible one, spent running in terror from Ronald McDonald's blood red grimace; the Pillsbury Dough Boy's obscene demands that you touch his belly "just a little"; and a myriad other pushy mascots of the food industry. And even if you escape these pernicious pursuers, you need to avoid running too far or too fast or you may end up falling, exhausted, into the pit of anorexia, too weak to ever emerge.



To aid fellow weight loss enthusiasts in their journey, I present this "Choose your own adventure" to weight loss, infused with wisdom from our recent competition:

...

1. You find yourself standing in front of a scale. Your weight is 20 lbs heavier than you like. Your pants are a size too small for your stomach. And your self-esteem is a size too small for your otherwise sparkling personality. Do you:

A. Do nothing (go to 2)
B. Decide to lose 20 lbs in 2 weeks (go to 3)
C. Decide to lose 20 lbs in 1 month (go to 4)
D. Decide to lose 20 lbs in 6 months (go to 5)

2. Your weight remains the same. What did you expect, stupid? Do you:

A. Do nothing (go back to 2)
B. Decide that you are fine the way you are (go to 6)
C. Decide to revise your strategy (go to 1)

3. You try to exercise every day and starve yourself. You end up feeling weak, terrible, exhausted and losing a total of 5 lbs. You decide you are incapable of significant weight loss, blame genetics, buy a tub of ice cream and gain the weight back, plus an additional 10 lbs. (The end)

4. You lose 5 lbs in the first two weeks. Then you get hungry. (go to 3)

5. You make a sensible, achievable, long term goal. Do you:

A. Nonetheless attempt massive short term hardcore weight loss (go to 7).
B. Decide to follow a diet (go to 8)
C. Decide to exercise (go to 9)

6. You buy new clothes that fit. Life is good. Though you realize you should probably exercise. Fortunately, Thinspiration XXL Part 2 can Thinspire you to health. (The end)

7. You decide to follow some of the exciting strategies of Thinspiration XXL for 1 week. Do you:

A. Follow the Master Mung Cleanse diet, coupled with prolonged anorexia (go to 10)
B. Follow the revised Special "K" diet (go to 11)
C. Severely limit your calorie intake (go to 12)
D. Take laxatives and use the sauna (go to 13)

8. You decide to follow a diet, determine your basal metabolic rate and decide on a calorie intake to allow for:

A. 1 lb of weight loss per week (go to 14)
B. 2 lbs of weight loss per week (go to 15)
C. 3 lbs of weight loss per week (go to 16)
D. 4 lbs of weight loss per week (go to 12)

9. You decide to exercise regularly. Do you:

A. Continue to eat as you normally do. (go to 14)
B. Eat more due to how much hungrier you are. (go to 2)
C. Follow a sensible diet in addition to exercising. (go to 15)
D. Follow a rigorous diet in addition to exercising. (go to 16)
E. Eat as little as possible and exercise concurrently. (go to 17)

10. You lose an insane amount of weight during the week, although you destroy your digestive system in the process. After a month of continued digestive problems, you book a doctor's appointment out of fear that you have developed colon cancer. But hey, at least you're thin, right? (The end; your body can't handle any more)

11. You fail to lose weight during the diet. Who would think that eating food with the letter K in it would lead to weight loss? That is just crazy. (go to 5)

12. You develop progressive weakness, fatigue, and an inability to concentrate. You lose weight, but at what cost? People begin to question whether you are okay behind your back. You feel you should continue to lose weight. You may be anorexic. Thankfully, you're too distracted by your sleek and contoured ribs to notice. (The end?)

13. You find yourself terribly dehydrated, which is particularly problematic since you feel the constant need to poo. You develop severe constipation, hemarrhoids, gas, and generally feel and smell awful. You also don't lose any weight, since it's trapped in your bowels. (The end)

14. You continue to lose weight. It happens slowly, but by 6 months, you have nearly met your goal. The gradual pace allows you to maintain a normal lifestyle, and miraculously, you have made changes to keep it off. You proceed to tell everyone about your success story. People feign interest, but are ultimately bored by your sensible demeanor. Fortunately, boring others pays off. After those insensitive jerks have fallen asleep during your story, you slip out on a pricey bill, saving 40 dollars. (The end)

15. You lose weight quickly, meeting your goal in about 3 months. It feels very difficult throughout, but achievable. You frequently fantasize about eating the lunch of friends and in your darkest hour, the friends themselves. Fortunately, you are thin and only slightly eccentric. Someone gives you 40 dollars for being attractive. (The end)

16. You lose weight rapidly, meeting your goal in under 2 months. You are hungrier than you've ever been. You find yourself chewing on pillows, arms, and bits of leather to take your mind off it. People begin to refer to you as that "attractive but very very crazy person who works down the hall". Someone gives you 40 dollars for being attractive. Someone else gives you a restraining order. (The end)

17. During a particularly long run in the forest, your legs give out. You just don't have the fuel to continue. Foolishly, you decided not to bring money, a cell phone, or any means of getting back home. You stumble and crawl through the forest, eventually coming across a crazy artist, building inukshuks in the middle of a clearing. Do you:

A. Ask the artist if he will share the insects he is eating and if he will allow you the use of his Toronto Sun newspapers to sleep on. (go to 18)
B. Challenge the artist to a duel, with the winner getting to eat the loser. (go to 19)
C. Start building inukshuks with him. (go to 20)
D. Stumble away, hoping to find another option. (go to 21)

18. You wake up covered in spit and urine, none of which is yours. You bid the artist farewell, and stumble home, vowing never to repeat this experience again. (go to 22)

19. The artist easily overpowers you. He hits you over the head. You fall helplessly to the ground. You wake as the base of an inukshuk, with large stones piled on top of you. The artist begins to gnaw on your wrist. Exercise seems to have been a poor choice. (go to 22)

20. The artist appreciates your help. He speaks warm and friendly gibberish to you, stroking his filthy beard as he does so. You share a meal of insects and a strange paste. Amidst the gibberish he is spouting, you recognize the words "lonely" and "rohypnol". You slowly lose consciousness to the sight of his toothless grin drawing near. (go to 22)

21. The artist follows you, and attacks you in the forest. He seems to be hunting you with a plunger lined with steak knives. You trip over a root, hit your head on a rock, and lose consciousness. (go to 22)

22. You wake to find yourself in a classroom, without any pants on. You scream and then awaken again, in your bed, with your wrist in your mouth and a feeling of extreme hunger. You realize that this was all a hallucination. Yes, you are in that bad of shape. Strangely, you have a small model inukshuk in your pocket that you can't explain. (The end)

Survey results: Would having Thinspiration XXL competitors dress up as Catwoman be edutaining?

• Yes - 1 vote (25%)
  
• No - 1 vote (25%)
• This poll is anonymous, right? Then, yes. - 1 vote (25%)
• I would rather they dressed up as Batman. Swear to me! Argghhhh - 1 vote (25%)

Catwoman Competitor Profile: Opiate

Current body measurements
Bust: 41"
Waist: 35"

Hips: 36"

Thighs: 22"

Upper arms: 14"

Feelings about becoming Catwoman:

I enjoy this concept because I know I will be in good company. It's going to be a shared high level embarrassment for all of us and a good incentive to tone up. This I find hilarious and potentially rewarding.

What I already have in common with Catwoman (or just cats):

• Moderate flexibility: with profound thanks to the Storymaster's guidance in the ways of yoga I am not a complete solid slab of immobile lard
• Bouts of rampant energy and playfulness interspersed by moments of extreme slothful laziness
• Love of seafood
• Random urges to climb things
• Already have a furry chin
• Easily distr...ohhh...shiny....

Strategy for becoming Catwoman:

• Yoga as much as possible to increase flexibility.
• Running as always, more and more.
• To re-acquaint myself with the concept of a regular workout at home. It's rather amazing what can be done with your own body mass and no expensive gym equipment.
• More seafood. I said more. Now.

Catwoman Competitor Profile: celestialspeedster

My body looks similar to this Miss Thailand Universe contestant (32 - 28 - 37) but less winsome

Current body measurements

Bust: 32.5"

Waist: 27.6"
Hips: 37.8"
Thighs: 20.9"
Upper arms: 10.2"

Feelings about becoming Catwoman: I look forward to watching my competitors parade around in a catsuit.

What I already have in common with Catwoman: Female body parts, a love of cats, warring desires to kiss and kill men.

Strategy for becoming Catwoman: Increase my bust, decrease my waist, improve flexibility with the help of a scratching post.

October is Catwoman Competition Month

During the original Thinspiration XXL weight-loss competition, competitors not only feared the scale, but also the scales of justice as the untimely demise of Doctor Cook looked increasingly plausible, sure to be followed by charges of 'Counselling to commit suicide'.

Much to everyone's relief, the weight-loss competition is over, and we can all focus on what really matters: looking good in a skin-tight outfit.

On October 31, Thinspiration XXL competitors will use Halloween as a socially acceptable excuse to wear catsuits. The fear of public shame will drive the competitors to not only lose weight, but to exercise and develop attractive muscle tone.

New competitor profiles, featuring current body measurements and strategies for transforming into a sexually attractive yet morally ambiguous vigilante will be posted shortly.

P.S. Readers who were hoping to have their 5K and triathlon desires met will not be disappointed. Stay tuned!

A Lesson Learned

Regardless of it satisfying some innate childhood fantasy and I am reminded of arguments with my parents as to the contrary; I understand their arguments were sound and they were truly and rightly correct. 100% without a doubt:

Chocolate Ice Cream for dinner, in dinner size portions, is a bad idea.

Just so we're all clear on that.

Yes I have done this. It was yummy and an extraordinarily bad idea. I REGRET NOTHING!!!

My name is Opiate. I am a life-long chocolate addict.

Though chocolate ice cream has many wonderful nutritional things in it a body needs to be healthy like you know.... chocolate (calcium, Vitamins A, B2, B12 are in there too as nice bonuses I guess), as with anything yummy that too much of a good thing is also very true. As my taste buds rejoiced my stomach turned into a war-torn state in the throws of a violent rebellion as was expected but did not deter.

Whatever possessed me to eat so much ice cream? I had chocolate ice cream in my freezer.

And a spoon.

I found the picture above on Scoop Adventures, a blog about ice cream: making it and loving it. It includes recipes. A great one I'd like to try is the Blueberry yogurt popsicles. She also has a recipe for a Praline and Bacon flavour.

Central to this find though is the chocolate stout ice cream and the recipe uses of all things Young's Double Chocolate Stout from the UK. One of my personal favourites of all time and guaranteed massive calories per bottle.

Avoid at all costs if you

1. don't like beer
2. don't like chocolate
3. are trying to stay away from high amounts calories contained in single-serving-sized attractive bottles filled with yummy brewed liquid that you are likely to like far too much
   

I'll drink this stuff but the case.

Some healthier(ish) chocolate options:

• Nature Valley Dark Chocolate Trail Mix bars
• Kashi Chocolate fudge coconut, dark chocolate cherry, and mocha almond bars
  
• Any good quality 70% or higher dark chocolate and a glass of nice red wine
• Nutella
• Chocolate covered strawberries, cherries, any berries you like!!

Now that I am out of ice cream, dinner tonight will be something entirely different, chocolate free....and likely containing jalapenos.

Survey results: How would you like to be edutained by the competitors next?

• 5K run - 2 votes (50%)
• Body measurements - 0 vote (0%)
• Fitness test - 0 vote (0%)
• Triathlon - 2 votes (50%)
  

Hibernation is not an option

Scientists are currently researching how bears are able to sleep all winter and lose the fat they pack on prior to hibernation yet almost none of their muscle mass. Until science reveals the magic behind hibernation, I will need to work out over the winter to maintain the muscle that I have built up during the summer, though heavy clothing will hide all sins.

I have considered my winter workout options and list them here:

Running - Running in winter is unpleasant, but it is safer than biking in the cold, and burns more calories in less time, minimizing my time outdoors. Personal record: -13C. Goal: break personal record if global warming doesn't get in the way.

Swimming - Regular public displays in a bathing suit will give me incentive to keep the fat under control...oh, and the exercise will be good, too. Goal: swim no more than once a week for 30 minutes, because chlorine is hell for hair.

Snowboarding - Snowboarding has made me feel a kinship with MMA fighters, because since buying my own snowboard two winters ago, I understand how taking a beating is exhausting. Plus, all the push ups I do to pick myself up after falling over are awesome for defining my arms. Goal: snowboard when snow is present.

I will also be participating in other cold weather activities like stamping my feet at the bus stop, jumping over moats of snow run-off, and heavy lifting of sweaters, hats and coats.

Protein Binge of Fire - Field Testing My Cast Iron Stomach

I thawed some ground beef out, so of course had to do something with it. Also always desiring an excuse to not cook for a while.

The answer:

A HUGE POT OF CHILI

I have no idea how to make chili in any traditional sense. A friend asked me what my recipe was... My response: "recipe?"

Recipe's mean planning and initiating a said plan with proper supplies. I just sort of throw a bunch of stuff into a pot as I found them in my kitchen.

From what I understand chili at it's core needs tomatoes, chili powder and some form of huge protein binge (meat or beans and for me it's both). Pretty much anything else is optional depending on tastes. I could have looked up some recipes online easy enough, but where's the fun in that? I likely wouldn't have half the ingredients on hand anyway.

My grandmother used to put chopped apples in her chili, was actually a neat mix you wouldn't expect to work but did. I have apples, but refrained. It's a difficult balance.

Definitions:

"not small pinch": a fairly large amount, probably a tablespoon or two but varies. I generally just pour it on until I think it's just the right amount of too much.

"Buttload": Exactly as it sounds. Don't ask me what measured amount qualifies a "buttload". A lot more than a not small pinch.


I tend to overdo things a bit as a matter of course.

All in all I'm happy with the results, a spoonful has a decent flavour and near-intolerable spice burn that keeps me coming back for more. It's far better than I was expecting for a mishmash of random things and no proper measurements.

The recipe as best as I can recall:

• 1 cucumber diced
• 1 lb lean ground beef
• 1 can low sodium mixed beans
  
• 1 cup dried, soaked then boiled chick peas
• 3 mason jars of home made tomato juice (my last 3, *sniff*)
• 1/2 a bulb garlic, crushed and diced
• 1/2 a red onion, diced
• a buttload of chili powder
  
• 3 fresh vine tomatoes diced (all I had in the fridge, normally use more)
• a not small pinch of Italian seasoning (oregano, sage, basil and whatnot, picked up from Fresh From the Farm, it's a yummy mix)
• 2 dried Korean chilies crushed (tiny but these critters can stop a rabid charging bull at 100 yards)
• a not small pinch of a salsa spice mix I have, loads of flavour and kick
  
• 3 small branches worth of fresh rosemary
• half a small bottle of pickled sliced jalapenos, a lot, didn't count
• ~12 small pickled green chillies diced (seriously tiny and spicy, a big one might only be 2 inches long, it was the last of the jar so I tossed it all in)
• 1/2 cup of brown rice