The answer:
A HUGE POT OF CHILI
I have no idea how to make chili in any traditional sense. A friend asked me what my recipe was... My response: "recipe?"
Recipe's mean planning and initiating a said plan with proper supplies. I just sort of throw a bunch of stuff into a pot as I found them in my kitchen.
From what I understand chili at it's core needs tomatoes, chili powder and some form of huge protein binge (meat or beans and for me it's both). Pretty much anything else is optional depending on tastes. I could have looked up some recipes online easy enough, but where's the fun in that? I likely wouldn't have half the ingredients on hand anyway.
My grandmother used to put chopped apples in her chili, was actually a neat mix you wouldn't expect to work but did. I have apples, but refrained. It's a difficult balance.
Definitions:
"not small pinch": a fairly large amount, probably a tablespoon or two but varies. I generally just pour it on until I think it's just the right amount of too much.
"Buttload": Exactly as it sounds. Don't ask me what measured amount qualifies a "buttload". A lot more than a not small pinch.
I tend to overdo things a bit as a matter of course.
All in all I'm happy with the results, a spoonful has a decent flavour and near-intolerable spice burn that keeps me coming back for more. It's far better than I was expecting for a mishmash of random things and no proper measurements.
The recipe as best as I can recall:
- 1 cucumber diced
- 1 lb lean ground beef
- 1 can low sodium mixed beans
- 1 cup dried, soaked then boiled chick peas
- 3 mason jars of home made tomato juice (my last 3, *sniff*)
- 1/2 a bulb garlic, crushed and diced
- 1/2 a red onion, diced
- a buttload of chili powder
- 3 fresh vine tomatoes diced (all I had in the fridge, normally use more)
- a not small pinch of Italian seasoning (oregano, sage, basil and whatnot, picked up from Fresh From the Farm, it's a yummy mix)
- 2 dried Korean chilies crushed (tiny but these critters can stop a rabid charging bull at 100 yards)
- a not small pinch of a salsa spice mix I have, loads of flavour and kick
- 3 small branches worth of fresh rosemary
- half a small bottle of pickled sliced jalapenos, a lot, didn't count
- ~12 small pickled green chillies diced (seriously tiny and spicy, a big one might only be 2 inches long, it was the last of the jar so I tossed it all in)
- 1/2 cup of brown rice