Special Everything Diet Day 6 (Tuesday)

I bought a coconut. Sobey's has them on sale for $1 each right now so I figure I'll try my hand at crackin' the bugger open and see if I'm successful without destroying my counter top or setting off a small thermonuclear milk explosion. Coconuts are healthy right?

Last night I visited the ex. She cut my hair for me so I don't run with a mop on my head come Sunday.

With the visit came the inevitable: BBQ'd Ribs and booze. When asked if I was hungry my rubber arm was tied in a knot. These ribs are an effective Holy Hand Grenade to any diet plan, and I thought I'd made progress working off the weekend's binge. Right.

We drank, we noshed. Her father dropped by in time for the ribs, got to play catch-up, drank some more, then her new beau came home and we had some laughs. Drank some more. Played with the dog. Drank some more.

All through this I learned a very valuable lesson:

That Coke Zero, no matter how attractive I find the models... is terrible in a drink.

My stomach is a churning disaster this morning and I lay the blame solely at the feet of the Coca-Cola company for this truly terrible concoction.

Breakfast:

• 2 bananas
• 1 special k bar
• 1 home made apple buttermilk muffin slathered in home made blackberry jam
• coffee with skim milk and sugar
• orange juice 200ml
  

Lunch:

• 2nd half of jalapeno sub
• orange juice 200ml

Snacks:

• 1 special K bar

Dinner:

• rum and coke
• rum and coke
• rum and coke
• rum and coke
• BBQ ribs
• rum and coke
• rum and coke
• rum and coke

Exercise:

• 24.5km cycling
  

Special Subway Everything : Day 5 (Monday)

I broke down, not due to any desire or urge, but time and hunger duress. I ate Subway, well half a Subway sub, the other is reserved for lunch on Day 6. I really am starting to hate Subway, not the mediocre food so much as the service. Lacking any form of I don't know....service.

The customer is always right?? When? It's sad that we live in a society where the customer always gets treated like crap unless they complain. Things like this happen all over the place, not just at Subway, no wonder I brown bag lunch as much as possible.

I ordered a sub, which you know has "toppings" on it. When the staff behind the counter only put on a few meagre pieces of peppers, onions and jalapeno....that just irks me so I asked politely for a bit more.

When someone orders something the length of their arm it's generally good to put more than 5 pathetic jalapeno or green pepper slivers on it. FIVE!!! I asked for more, got glares of hatred and malice, and smiled back all the while as they loaded it up, cut my super-stuffed footlong, I paid and left. Munched happily on the excess jalapenos especially after the sub exploded in happy spiciness on my desk.

They overloaded it on the jalapeno to the point they could barely wrap it, maybe hoping to punish my stomach for my insolence and were belligerent to me through the rest of the transaction. Little do they know...

It occurred to me how Jared may have lost all that weight: he likely never asked for more of a topping because the staff were rude, made him feel bad (or at least tried to) and glared at him like he was a freak.

Breakfast:

• special k with skim milk (only a normal serving this time)
• 2 special k bars
• green tea

Lunch:

• half of a footlong jalapeno sub that had some other stuff on it too, on a whole grain bun
  
• orange juice 200ml
  

Dinner:

• orange juice
• Bolthouse Farms Green Goodness (about 300ml)
• 2 bananas
• tangerine and peaches in light syrup
  

Exercise:

• 22km biking
• 1 hour dragon boat practice
  

Survey results: If their plane crashed in the Andes (or was delayed on the tarmac), the competitor left standing and uncomfortably full would be...

• celestialspeedster - 1 vote (11%)
• Doctor Cook - 2 votes (22%)
• Flocons - 3 votes (33%)
• Opiate - 1 vote (11%)
• Royal Pinguo - 1 vote (11%)
• Thorn - 1 vote (11%)

Master Mung Cleanse: Enter the Mungon, Days 3-5

Day 3: Saturday

Comments: My third day of kichadi. My last day without mung beans. I am excited for mung beans.

My goal: Just one more day!

Food choice: Fresh kichadi

Total Kichadi prepared: ~2 cup of rice (pre-cooking measurements).

Total Kichadi eaten: 75%

Beverage choices: Many glasses of water

General feelings about life post meals: Optimistic that tomorrow will be better.

Excitement level regarding eating kichadi (0-10; 0 = revolted, 10 = too much Botox): 3

Likelihood that I would rather starve than eat kichadi (0-10; 0 = never, 10 = kill me now): 5

Side-effects of meal: Fatigue; mild headache; poor digestion

Food related dreams or fantasies: Stared longingly at raw spaghetti. Picked up a piece and held it, wishing I could eat it, as is, knowing it to be far more delicious than kichadi.

Occurrences of note: Party at the house with wine, chips, and appetizers. I partook in none of these.

Day 4: Sunday

Kichadi fantasies

Comments: My first day of mung beans! My excitement was misplaced. Spent the afternoon with Thorn, celestialspeedster, and an outside observer, Jon.

My goal: Not to pass out.

Food choice: Day old kichadi, fried with mung beans.

Total Kichadi prepared: ~0.5 cup of rice (pre-cooking measurements); 0.25 cup of mung bean

Total Kichadi eaten: 100%

Beverage choices: Many glasses of water, Master Cleanse in sparkling water (minus cayenne and maple syrup)

General feelings about life post meals: Depressed and fearful.

Excitement level regarding eating kichadi (0-10; 0 = revolted, 10 = too much Botox): 1

Likelihood that I would rather starve than eat kichadi (0-10; 0 = never, 10 = kill me now): 8

Side-effects of meal: Fatigue; mild headache; dizziness; inability to poo

Food related dreams or fantasies: Cannibalism. Or at least theft of the food of my competitors. If their hands were eaten as well, that would be okay.

Occurrences of note: Became so tired and dizzy that I needed to go home to eat more kichadi. By the time I got home, the idea of kichadi was so repugnant that I abstained from eating more.

Day 5: Monday
Comments: More than halfway through this diet and I feel awful!

My goal: I'm too tired for goals.

Food choice: Fresh kichadi, with mung beans

Total Kichadi prepared: ~2 cup of rice (pre-cooking measurements); 1 cup of mung bean

Total Kichadi eaten: 50%

Beverage choices: Many glasses of water, Indian Spice herbal tea

General feelings about life post meals: Moderately depressed.

Excitement level regarding eating kichadi (0-10; 0 = revolted, 10 = too much Botox): 2

Likelihood that I would rather starve than eat kichadi (0-10; 0 = never, 10 = kill me now): 7

Side-effects of meal: Fatigue; mild headache; dizziness; inability to poo

Days without pooing: 2

Food related dreams or fantasies: Tempted by enticing smell at work. Commented on how delicious it smelled. It was yeast extract, which normally turns my stomach. Again eyed raw spaghetti longingly.

Occurrences of note: Nothing of note. Inability to poo is becoming slightly worrying. This seems to counter predictions of kichadi.

Canadian National Exhibition: destroyer of diets

Thorn and I attended the Canadian National Exhibition on Saturday and while we did no succumb to the deep fried butter, we did consume the following:

• breakfast mac and cheese with egg and sausage from the Mac and Cheesery (unfortunately, the mac & cheese was soft and tasteless)
• buffalo burger (excellent, as usual)
  
• poutine
• Maple Butter BeaverTail

We also bought some short bread cookies from Sprucewood Handmade Cookie Co after sampling them. We enjoyed Rosemary and Dark Chocolate, but bought Spicy Thai and Raspberry. They will be coming to a Thinspiration XXL showdown soon!

At no point did I have a meal replacement shake. In fact, I did try to bring a bottle of meal replacement with me, but Thorn gave me a dirty look so I put it back in the fridge.

The madness continued on Sunday, when we attended BuskerFest and ate delicious pub food in front of Doctor Cook, who died a little inside as he squeezed his lemon into his fizzy water. That evening, we ate dinner with Jon Levy at The Acme Burger Company. The burgers were fresh and tasted like real meat, but were otherwise unspectacular.

I am back to the Slim-Fast 3-2-1 Plan today:

• 3 Snacks: Banana, apple, peach
• 2 Meal Replacements: Life Brand Complete Meal Replacement Shake - Chocolate flavour
• 1 Balanced Meal: Scrambled eggs with cucumbers, string beans, green peppers and rice.

Special K Diet Days 3 and 4: Weekend at Calorie Hill

Where to even begin.... It all started with a Sapporo.

As always weekends blur into a mesh of random events one leading into another and it never really makes any sense as it's happening.

Saturday started at 3:30am-ish, not long after I went to bed after watching 3 crazy movies in a row. My sisters dog, love the furball but he decided to wake me up to go outside, doing his doggie business and play fetch in the dark. Then repeated it at around 8am.

Finally woke up proper around 11-something-er-other-ish to the order of "get ready we're leaving" ...um okay. Barely time to brush my teeth.

Arrival around 1pm-ish (still hazy): instant meetings with parents, family we'd not seen since this same event last year, new family I hadn't met before from BC, Manitoba and other parts of Ontario.... as all this is happening the Sapporo was opened and quickly followed by the first of many Keith's. All downhill from here trying to remember all these names.

Also discovered I have a cousin that works in the video game development industry, had a geek-out moment.

There was some chips and cheesies but beer as breakfast had to basically carry the day for a little while. We put a nice dent in the 24 of Keith's as the day wore on into night and the mosquitoes found us.

Though after so many Keith's it was refreshing when my cousin (also a beer snob) hands me a bottle of Edelweiss.... rough day eh?

Breakfast:

• 1 Sapporo 650ml
• several bottles Keith's IPA
• handful of potato chips
• handful of cheesies
• fresh air
  

Lunch and Dinner, one blended into the other, it just sort of never stopped:

• 2 cups Bacardi Lemon with pink lemonade
  
• more Keith's
• 1 bottle Edelweiss
• BBQ pork
• BBQ beef
• peanut cashew noodle salad stuff
• greek salad
• other salads of some kind
• other loads of heavy meal stuff I don't recall the names of but was all awesome
  
• cocktail shrimp and seafood sauce
• grapes
• watermelon
• pineapple
  
• strawberries
• potato salad
• more Keith's
• more chips
• more cheesies
• small coffee cake deserts
• small chocolate cake deserts
• small coconut deserts
• more Keith's
• 4 chocolate cupcakes
• caramel chocolate crunchy bark stuff (FANTASTIC!!!)
• and I'm sure there's more I'm simply forgetting, there was a lot!

Exercise:

• swimming
• keeping up with the kids
  
• 3 person game of horseshoes I lost with a meagre single point to my name
• walking around and mingling all day talking constantly, think I blab a lot? You haven't met the clan.

...and that was just Saturday

Sunday:

• Tim Horton's everything bagel with tomato and swiss
  
• 2 bottles orange juice
• cheeseburger topped with tomato onion lettuce mustard
• black bean (veggie) burger with the same but no cheese
• 1 bottle Keith's
• grapes
  
• raspberries
• strawberries
• olives
  
• pickles
  

Back home:

• special K bar
• bowl of PC whole grain Cheerios knock off (which actually tastes better!) in skim milk
• not so much fresh air
  

Special K Diet, Day 2: Enter the Kashi

Kashi is a new line of food products aimed at those who want to eat healthy and natural. They have issued the following challenge:

"Try a free box of Kashi Granola Bars. If you don't like them, I will eat the cardboard box they come in."

They also add this disclaimer in fine print:

"Laurie promises to eat a piece of the box, not the whole thing. His conviction is stronger than his stomach. "

Well, Kashi products are not an official part of the Special K Diet, but if I ate Kashi cracKers then it would add two K's to my daily K-count. I gave them a try today and they do taste good. They are 90 calories per 10 crackers. The crackers are small though. Coincidentally, a standard Special K cereal bar is also 90 calories. I will have to decide in the days ahead if I would rather eat a Special K cereal bar or 10 Kashi TLC crackers. In the end, I may choose neither.

I applaud Kelloggs and Kashi for trying to make healthier products and giving consumers a better choice of options... but I don't think cereal bars and crackers can complete with fresh fruits and vegetables. I find myself wishing that karrots and nektarines are not actually typos. I weighed myself today and I'm losing a bit of weight since my last weigh-in. Some progress thanks to the letter K.

Breakfast:

• Special K
• 1% milK (lactose-free)
• Scrambled eggs
• Toast and jam

Lunch:

• PorK and leeK dumplings
• Rice
• Shrimp
• Vegetables

Snack:

• Kashi TLC cracKers
  
• Karrots?
• NeKtarines?
• Special K (again)
• 1% MilK (again)
  

Dinner:

• JerK chicKen
• Rice

Daily K-count: KKKKKKKKKK

Master Mung Cleanse: Fear and Loathing (of Kichadi) in Toronto, Day 2

Day 2: Friday

Comments: My second day of kichadi. Cold, day old kichadi is the devil.

My goal: To survive.

Food choice: Cold, day old, soggy kichadi (breakfast and lunch), fresh kichadi (dinner).

Total old soggy Kichadi remaining: ~0.5 cup of rice (pre-cooking measurements).

Total Kichadi prepared: ~1 cup of rice (pre-cooking measurements).

Total Kichadi eaten: 100%

Beverage choices: 1 glass of Master Cleanse, minus the maple syrup; very few glasses of water.


General feelings about life post meals: Mildly depressed.

Excitement level regarding eating kichadi (0-10; 0 = revolted, 10 = too much Botox): 2

Likelihood that I would rather starve than eat kichadi (0-10; 0 = never, 10 = kill me now): 6

Side-effects of meal: Gagging and near vomitting (cold kichadi), fear and loathing of cold day old kichadi, severe hunger during hours spent delaying eating kichadi, uncomfortable fullness after dinner, due to need to eliminate any chance of leftover cold day old soggy kichadi.

Food related dreams or fantasies: Tremendous desire to eat anything that isn't kichadi and lie about it afterwards. While preparing kichadi, strong desire to accidentally add considerably more salt. Again, impulses to drop kichadi on the ground and eat it.

Occurrences of note: Friends offered me cake. Roommates cooked bacon while I was preparing kichadi. Coworker offered me watermelon. Repeatedly offered drinks at house party. Strangely, the overall feeling by the end of the night was very positive.

I should have done the Slim-Fast 3-2-1 Plan

The Liquid Diet was not one of my better ideas. My math tells me that I'm taking in the right amount of calories, but after consuming nothing but liquid for the past 24 hours plus, I'm feeling lightheaded, yet dense at the same time.

Case in point, yesterday, when I was trying to meet up with Thorn, the conversation went like this:
Thorn: "We'll probably arrive at the apartment at 6pm."
Me: "So, I'll meet you at 7pm."
Thorn: "No, I said 6pm."
Me: "6:15pm then?"

It is time to resort to the Slim-Fast 3-2-1 Plan: 3 snacks, 2 meal replacement shakes, and 1 sensible meal. I like the "sensible" part of this strategy!

Breakfast:

• Milk with Chocolate Ovaltine (2 cups)

Lunch:

• Life Brand Complete Chocolate Meal Replacement Shake (1 bottle)

Snacks:

• Fruit Punch (300 ml)
• Kashi Bar (1 bar)
  
• Japanese rice cakes (pack of 2)

Dinner:

• Some vegetables and starch - no meat as per my weekday vegetarian diet

I have not been so eager to eat solid food since I did the Kichadi fast. Thank goodness I'm not doing that! Haha!

Special K and Everything: Day Two (Friday)

I like Special K, but the 1 1/4 cup serving size is almost embarrassing though I can see that being feasible for people with different dietary requirements and lifestyles. Like Flocons I as always was also hungry very soon afterward even with the overdosed helping.

The bars are yummy too, but also not very filling, at 90 calories each I'm not expecting them to be but last night when packing my lunch for today I had to catch myself and stay my hand from simply throwing the remaining 8 bars from both boxes into my pack. I'd have eaten all of them by mid-morning.

I'm in trouble now, will be staying with family this weekend so healthy eating and portion control are both out the window no matter how hard I try.

Breakfast:

• Special K and skim milk (about 2-3 servings worth, small bowls are for dipping sauces not cereal)
  
• 1 Special K bar, vanilla
  
• 1 cup of coffee, skim milk and sugar
  
• 1 21g snacker size of Kraft Brick cheese
  

Lunch:

• Sandwich (same as yesterday but with more hot sauce and tomatoes)
  
• corn cob
  
• OJ 200ml
  
• 1 Special K bar, mocha
  

Snack:

• 1 granny smith apple

Dinner (arrival at the home of family):

• 1 HUGE ass steak, grilled with some mesquite seasoning
• fettuccine alfredo with broccoli
  
• grilled potatoes and peas
  
• Bick's low salt pickles
• olives stuffed with jalapenos
• 70% dark chocolate
• rye and ginger
• Pelee Island red wine

Exercise:
NONE. I took the subway to work, then the train down to visit family. Sat in a car being picked up at the train station, and after dinner watched 3 movies: Kick Ass, Don't Mess with the Zohan and The Book of Eli.

All in all I spent an inordinate amount of time sitting on my ass.

I didn't even get into the Liberte blackberry yogurt and PC Chocolate ice cream we'd grabbed on the way home. Too bad, those are yummy.

Special K Diet: Day 1

The Special K is filling initially, but as the morning wears on, I get hungry. Maybe that's why it's only PART of a balanced breakfast. I'll probably supplement it with something else as the week goes on. It was a tricky process to find food items that contain the letter K, but I was able to find 2 food products that had double K's in them. For those of you that question my logic of basing my diet on an alphabetical theme... well, you are not alone.

Thinspiration XXL has been a good development for me. In the past few weeks, people have been going up to me and telling me that I look like I've lost weight. This is quite the ego-boost and good positive re-enforcement of some of the healthy changes I've been making. On the flip side, in the past 2 weeks I've had people telling me that I look like I'm starting to gain my weight back again. My performance in the past 2 weeks has not been great. I made the long trek down to 201 pounds... but I started climbing back up to 203... and apparently those 2 pounds are noticeable.

Breakfast:

• Special K
• 1% milK

Lunch:

• ChicKen teriyaKi and sushi lunch
• Water

Snack:

• Carrots
• Rice caKe

Dinner:

• JerK chicKen
• Rice
• Corn
• Water
• Half a mango

Today's K-count: KKKKKKK

Master Mung Cleanse: Food & feelings, Day 1

Day 0: Wednesday night


Comments: My last meal before kichadi.

My goal: To indulge.

Food choice: Vegetarian burger with fries from a nearby Firkin pub.

Beverage choice: Pint of Richards White, with a slice of orange.
Second beverage choice: Pint of Richards White, also with a slice of orange.
...
Sixth beverage choice: Oh, you get the point.

General feelings about life post meal: Overwhelmingly happy.

Excitement level regarding eating kichadi (0-10; 0 = revolted, 10 = too much Botox): 10

Side-effects of meal: Slurred speech, slight nausea, poor decision making ability, and terrible headache 8 hrs later.

Food related dreams or fantasies: Dreams of hamburgers. Again. Seriously.

Occurrences of note: Fueled by non-kichadi, I found the energy to sing in public and harrass strangers for hours.

Day 1: Thursday


Comments: My first day of kichadi. It smelled delicious. Smells can be deceiving.

My goal: To destroy the Thinspiration competition.

Food choice: Kichadi. Kichadi. And more kichadi. That is all.

Total Kichadi prepared: ~2 cups of rice (pre-cooking measurements).
Total Kichadi eaten: ~75% of prepared amount.

Beverage choices: 1 glass of Master Cleanse, minus the maple syrup; many glasses of water.

General feelings about life post meals: It could always be worse.

Excitement level regarding eating kichadi (0-10; 0 = revolted, 10 = too much Botox): 3
Likelihood that I would rather starve than eat kichadi (0-10; 0 = never, 10 = kill me now): 4

Side-effects of meal: Headache (see day 0), more frequent pooing and spitting, more keen senses, particularly as relates to how delicious other people's food must be, loss of overall appetite.

Food related dreams or fantasies: Strong desire to go for a run, if only so that I can lick the sweat off my arm while I eat, thus seasoning the terribly bland kichadi. Additionally, impulse to drop kichadi on the ground and eat it, hoping that the ground will have more flavour than kichadi.

Occurrences of note: Roommates offered me fried chicken in the morning. Friends offered me ice cream cake in the afternoon. I cried on the inside.

Challenge # 2 Day One

Breakfast:

• banana
  
• nature valley fruit and nut bar
  
• special k bar vanilla
  
• V8 low sodium 156ml (1 serving of veggie here!)
  
• PBJ (1/2 tbsp of each, reduced fat PB and home made blackberry jam) on 1 slice of bread (Dempster's Ancient Grains)
  
• Orange juice 200ml
  
• Green tea
  

Lunch:

• sandwich: whole grain flatbread bun, 2 slices salami, 3 thin slivers of old cheddar, hefty amounts of fresh tomato, onion and romaine lettuce with a dash of hot sauce.
  
• corn cob
  
• Orange juice 200ml
  
• V8 low sodium 156ml

Snacks (pre- & post-dragon boat practice):

• 1 tbsp garlic hummas (just polished off the tub)
  
• 2 Flash 5 bars
  
• 1 granny smith apple
• 1 glass Orange juice

Dinner:

• 3 slices cajun chicken pizza at the Sunnyside Cafe
  
• pint of Keith's White (did not eat the orange slice for some reason)

Exercise:

• 22km cycling
  
• 1 hour dragon boat practice

So it begins....I didn't wake up with enough time to have a bowl of Special K for breakfast so the bars had to suffice. The sandwich was my standard meat/cheese/veggie build but I lessened up on the meat and cheese, doubled up on the vegetation and passed on the mayo and mustard.

Challenge #2: Thursday food log

Breakfast

• So Good Chocolate Soy Milk (1 cup)
• 1% Dairy Milk (1 cup)

Lunch

• Life Brand Complete Chocolate Meal Replacement Shake (1 bottle)

Dinner:

• East African Split Pea with Sweet Potato Soup (1 bowl) from Fresh
• Apple Pie Smoothie - apple, ginger, banana, lemon, cinnamon (16 oz) from Fresh
• Miso Soup (1 cup)
• Chocolate ice cream (1 cup)

I have rarely heard the call of nature as often as I did today, and I miss chewing, already. Unexpectedly, I seem to have trouble focusing and making logical decisions. On the plus side, meals take no time at all because options are limited to the appetizer menu and they go down easy.

Fatty Weigh-in: Week 8

Competitor	Current Weight	Tally	Total
celestialspeedster	120 lbs	- 0 lb	- 9 lbs ( - 7.0%)
Doctor Cook	166 lbs	- 6 lbs	- 14 lbs ( - 7.8%)
Flocons	203 lbs	- 0 lb	- 9 lbs ( - 4.2%)
Opiate	175 lbs	- 5 lbs	- 8 lbs ( - 4.4%)
Royal Pinguo	??? lbs	? lbs	- 2 lbs ( - 1.4%)
Thorn	168 lbs	+ 1 lb	- 8 lbs ( - 4.5%)

Challenge #2 diet strategy: Special K Diet

Voro cerealis amplus. I'm going back to my roots by choosing the Special K Challenge. Special K has always been marketed as "the weight loss cereal" but I'm not sure if that's nutritional fact or clever marketing.

Now as much as I'd like to eat cereal for a whole week, I don't believe this is a feasible diet. So I will eat Special K for breakfast for a whole week, then I will try to eat at least one food item that contains the letter K during each of the other meals. Things off the top of my head include:

• Kiwi fruit
• Key lime pie
• Krispy Kreme donuts
• Rice Krispies squares
• Black Angus beef

Challenge #2 diet strategy: The Liquid Diet

Current practice: weekday vegetarian surviving on 1300 calories a day
After taking up the challenge of going meat-free for a week, I have been a weekday vegetarian for the past two years. I can only vouch for the safety of animals on weekdays because I enjoy eating meat too much.

Diet plan of choice: The Liquid Diet
In an attempt to curry favour through direct marketing, I am targeting the one voter who wanted to put meal replacement shakes to the test by making his/her dream come true. Hopefully, s/he will make my dream come true and sponsor me.

For Challenge #2, I will consume nothing but liquids for nutritional sustenance. My diet will include the aforementioned meal replacement shakes, but may also include soup, beer, and foods that liquefy with the use of heat or a blender. On that last note, it is highly likely that I will become a vegetarian for the duration of the challenge to avoid liquefied meat.

Diet strategy advantage: My jaw muscles may atrophy due to lack of chewing and atrophied muscles weigh less.

Challenge #2 diet strategy: Nothing is True, Everything is Permitted

In the words of a great man...er...robot I'm boned!!

Right off, as noted in a previous post life itself is aiding and abetting my competitors and I simply have to adapt as best I can.

The marathon being barely 10 days from the start of the challenge, any major diet shift at this point is incredibly unwise. I think it might be fun to actually survive the event I've tried to train for all year with a moderate degree of success. Yes, it would be.

Then there's the family bbq right smack in the middle of this challenge...yay.

Diet Plan of Choice:
Everything. Literally I'm not kidding. Using a blend of Special K, Jared's Subway madness, portion control as best as possible and a simple replacement method to swap out my slightly unhealthier eats with healthier ones. Much of which I've already done so since the start of the competition so I have very little wiggle room, once again I'm boned.

Special K cereal, bars and skim milk already acquired to replace my (not much) heavier nibbles and whopping 1% milk. Rather than Subway itself I will be making my own healthier sandwiches to have better control of the fat, salt and sugar content in these meals. Hopefully I'll be able to make something palatable.

The bbq, well that will break my back here or at least pop the buttons off my pants I'm sure.

Final chorus, sing it with me!! I'm boned!!!

Challenge #2 diet strategy: Master Mung Cleanse

Diet plan of choice: Combination of Master Cleanse (lemon water) and an Ayurvedic diet consisting solely of Kichadi (basmati rice, mung beans, spices)

Allowed solid food:

Kichadi:

• 2 cups basmati rice
• 1 cup split mung (beans called mung dal in Indian grocery stores)*
• 8-12 cups water, depending on how liquid you want the kichadi
• 2 Tbsp. ghee (clarified butter) OR olive or sunflower oil
• 1 tsp. ground cumin
• 1 scant tsp. ground coriander seeds
• ½ tsp. turmeric powder
• 3-5 whole cardamom pods
• 1-2 tsp. powdered ginger
• A pinch of sea salt or kelp

*Mung omitted for the first 3 days

Allowed liquids: Water, herbal (caffeine free) tea, or lemon water

Master Cleanse lemon water:

• glass of water
• half a lemon
• pinch of cayenne
• [omitted] 2 tbsp Maple syrup

General instructions: You can eat or drink what you want, when you want, of the above food and liquids. However, no other food or drink is allowed. No alcohol. No caffeine.

Rationale behind challenge strategy: Eat food that encourages pooing and drink liquid that encourages vomiting. Both food and liquid are reportedly bland, or unpleasant, thereby encouraging anorexia. It's the perfect trifecta of weight-loss.

Feared potential side-effects: Fatigue, terrible caffeine headaches, vomiting, begging friends for a lunch-time "trade-sie", uncontrollable crying, and uncontrollable pooing(?).

...

As scary as this may be, however, I remind myself how much worse it could be. I could be the middle or the tail end of the human centipede. This movie may suit bulimics due to its propensity to induce vomiting.

Meat the Stars of Thinspiration XXL!

On Monday September 6th, you will have a chance to meet your favorite Thinspiration XXL competitor* IN PERSON at the Burlington RibFest! Since our blog is SO POPULAR, we have been invited (by ourselves) to make a special guest appearance at Canada's largest RibFest!

The stars of Thinspiration XXL will be available to sign autographs on paper or body parts of your choosing. We will also be accepting food donations (like ribs or blooming onions) for the "Victims of Whatever..." fund benefiting the victims of whatever**. Please give generously.

We look forward to meeting all our fans. See you at the Burlington RibFest!

*Unless your favorite competitor is Opiate. Due to contractual obligations, Opiate will be unable to attend the Burlington RibFest.

**Food donations may be consumed on the spot by the stars of Thinspiration XXL due to public health concerns preventing us from shipping perishable food products to the actual victims of whatever. Despite this, we encourage you to give generously.