The obese tortoise slowly waddles past the sleek hare, whose utter contempt for his competition leads to his ultimate defeat. The intended moral is that "slow and steady wins the race". This is ludicrous. Fast and steady wins the race. EVERY TIME! The real moral is, when competing with a loser, pick the slowest one so that you can sleep as long as possible.And that, my friends, is what I have done.
For the final leg of this competition, now that I am clearly in the lead, I will realize my "inner hare" and watch languidly as my obese tortoise competitors struggle futilely to catch up.
My plan for the final days of this competition are, thus, as follows: eat whatever I like, drink liberally, exercise rarely if ever, and sleep an hour longer than usual. Through this, I hope to prove that arrogance and bitchiness are an integral and necessary component of victory, and that obese tortoises only pass sleek and thin hares in fairy tales, and not in weight loss competitions.
In all seriousness, I'm thin enough to fit another person into my clothes along with me, and I don't want to lose any more weight. I have nothing but respect for my competitors, who were stuffing their faces with ribs (weight gain) while I reacquainted myself with my bathroom and the wonderful world of fiber (weight loss).
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